Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Fun First Date Story

So, last Saturday I had a date!!! It was loads of fun.  He came over and picked me up, and he came to the front door and knocked and waited for me to answer. He didn't sit in the car and honk the horn- 5 gold stars from the Committee for the Recognition of Awesome People for that. 
He came and walked me to my side of the car, and opened the car door for me. 5 gold stars.  We went to a Dr Who pot luck party and my friends house. He brought food for it, as did I - 5 gold stars to us both.  He was going to cook his food himself, and I know from previous experience he is an excellent cook, but he ran out of time- so 5 bronze stars for the thought. 
 He had only seen old Dr Who episodes, and not many, so we filled him in on back story, and we (me and my friend Ali) practiced playing our songs for an upcoming open mic night, so for sitting through hours of Dr who, and guitar, and not complaining but loving it, despite being lost, five gold stars for that. we had fun, we talked , we socialized.  and when it was over at 9 pm, we wanted to go for a walk somewhere, but it was already dark, so we figured most the parks were closed at dusk.
 we took back roads to my house and star gazed. then went to my house and star gazed some more. Finding Ursula major and minor, and Orion's belt, and spotting possibly a planet- 5 gold stars. Randomly liking to learn languages like me- five gold stars =). then he helped me move my stuff to my friends apartment from my other friends house because it was over paint fumed to sleep in. Five gold stars for that, he didn't have to. then we went to my friends apartment and talked till midnight.
 because he was such an awesomely amazing first date, I decided to earn five gold stars myself and walk out to the front porch to say good night. my keys, my phone, my wallet, my dog, my jacket, basically everything was left in the house, because I was just stepping out to give him a hug. I shut the door so my dog wouldn't escape. It not being my lock, i was unaware that it was in fact, locked. So I gave him a hug, and with a smile on my face because it was an awesome date, turned to walk back into the apartment. 
SNAP!!! panic set in. I called him back. He is an expert at lock picking, so he looked at the lock, we tried his card- well I did, and I couldn't card the door because of weather striping. it was too tight, i couldn't get the card in. couldn't call my friend or anyone, and my dog was panicking (he left a little panic present for me on the floor when I got back in.) well, being the brilliant man he is, my date said "no problem, two paper clips and I can get you in there". with that he went to his car, and searched. I went to my car and searched too. after a half hour, we found some paper clips and things that could work.
 He was able to pick the lock, and teach me how to pick a lock too. I got in, unlocked the door, and then went out and gave him a second hug and a thank you. Off to bed, great date.  so, to all the single men folk who read my blog, pick up some pointers from this, because that was a really great date.  thanks all. soon I will tell you about Shaw Island and the 13.  that's all for today though.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

a quick hello, and back in a week

so I have spent the past month living at a friends house, internetless. so I will be writing a whole bunch in about a week maybe two, and i will catch you up on "The Thirteen" "homeless in kitsap, well, kinda"  "Why all the guys show up at once, and leave at once for dating" and "yes, Its worth it to be your friend" and many more to come. sending my love. I miss you my readers.  soon, i will no longer be homeless and will have pleanty to say. for now, thanks to my many friends for all your help, love and support.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

The many reactions of the married to the single.

 So, Lately I have been thinking and observing a certain pattern around me, of how married people react to single people. This is not, as you would think, a reaction limited to people in the LDS church, but extends far beyond that, even to professed atheists.  What I am about to say is a generalization, it is my observation only. it is not about everyone and every circumstance. It may offend some of you, but is not intended to be such. if you have something to add please comment. I would love to have many perspectives available for better understanding of the general public.

My observation is as follows: Widows are given sympathy and pity ( not that everyone always wants to be pitied, and honestly yes that would suck, but you did at least get to experience some time being married, that ended most likely with both of you still loving each other to some degree or other, so as trying as that is, that is one positive the rest in this blog dont' get.) I have a few friends that are widows, i do not envy their circumstance, and yes it is validly trying for them, especially if they have kids, so this isn't meant to take away from that. Just sayin.

Next you have the Divorced. My divorced family and friends have all been though variations on Hell with that one, it is not a thing to be envied obviously. The general observed reaction to divorced people I have found to be one of two things, either Pity and sympathy, or out right harsh judgement. I think its a lot more complicated that that people.

So lastly, you have my category, getting up their in years, and still not married, and never been married. I have talked to many who experienced the same as me, and the parents of a 40 + year old yesterday who confirmed a similar experience. 
By close friends who are divorced or widowed, I sometimes may get a bit of sympathy in my plight, because they took the time to know me personally. From prophets and apostles I get council and sympathy, as they seem aware of the struggle for women of my generation finding good men to marry. From my formerly married friends sometimes you get the," well you don't know anything because you were never married" treatment, but for the most part they are cool. But my biggest problem, and this is what i talked about to those parents yesterday, is that people in my marital status- as in NEVER married  tend to get one thing, and only one thing from any one and everyone who doesn't take the time to know our hearts, and that is sharp judgment and criticism.

clearly it is all our fault. "why don't you focus on getting married instead of thinking of flying across the world on adventures like getting a masters degree" i once heard from a family friend. Constantly I am badgered with attempts to make me more "marriageable" to change who I am, to change my appearance, to criticize me for  having standards in the type of person I want to marry.  honestly if you knew my heart at all you would know that this is important to me, yes i do want self improvement, i want to be my best self, but that's just it, I AM ME!! and i want to stay me, and i want to marry someone who loves and respects me for me. you probably wanted the same, so why should I settle for less just because my biological clock is ticking down? I shouldn't, and the prophet agrees with me. at the last general conference we single people were counseled to find someone compatible and worthy and marry in the temple. that is all I am looking for, so I don't think you have a place to tell me my standards are too high when they were set by a prophet of God. Yes we are in a Peter Pan generation, and some do not want to grow up, and they need to, but they need to come to that on their own and through the council of the prophet, that is sufficient.

Parents, family friends etc, often you just deepen wounds with your lack of consideration for what may be in the depths of a single persons heart. Any single person deserves to be treated respectfully, sympathy, not pity, understanding, not judgement. If you need to correct us, do it in love and understanding, not blind judgement.  

I will tell everyone exactly what I am looking for in a spouse right now, if you are a single male and think you could meet those standards, go a head and give me a call, I went to my roommates temple marriage yesterday, and I think it is the most beautiful thing in the world and I would love nothing more than to have that for myself.  four  things 1) Worthy current temple recommend holder 2) Honorable priesthood holder 3) enjoys spending time with me and loves me 4) I enjoy spending time with and love them (aka compatible) this is what I am looking for in a husband, very simply and plainly laid out for everyone.

If you think that standard is to high, I say to you EIK TU SAU IR DINK IS CIA. its Lithuanian, look it up.  all I wish to accomplish by this blog is that the currently married, could be more careful in how they judge and talk to the currently single, and that everyone will be more aware that unless you know a persons heart and are looking through that lens, you will probably get them wrong and judge their circumstance unfairly. that's all I have to say on the matter.  thanks for your time.