Saturday, October 25, 2014

200 Songs to Get You Over #Calzona, and Other Fictional Break-Ups.

  Even though fictional characters in books, movies, and television are not real, our emotional attachments and accompanying feelings as we watch them are. Who hasn't felt devastated at some point by the death, break up, or stupid choices of a fictional character?  We both know I have.

Grey's Anatomy Season 11, Episode 5 Spoiler Alert:

OK I warned you. Calzona are over. Maybe this time for real, who can really say or know.  But what I do know, is that this caused me to feel a wide range of deep feelings. And I am still feeling them, but a lot less.  And the list of songs I am going to share with you now is the reason why. Most of these songs will work for any break up, fictional or not. Some of them are EXTREMELY Calzona Specific.  You may wonder why there are here if you don't watch Grey's Anatomy. You may wonder why some of them are hear if you do watch Grey's Anatomy (cough, #Selfie). Some are there because its slightly ironic or amusing to me, some are there because I got sick of Emo/ Angry songs and needed something lighter. Some are there, because I wanted to be reminded that I do believe in love.

 Regardless of all that, if nothing else, here is a list of 200 really great songs. I challenge you to listen to any of them that you have never heard before. If you have 20 hrs to listen to music, I challenge you to listen to the whole list, in order.

 I have included two Slam Poetry songs in this list. One of them is in French. You will not get it if you either don't speak French, or at least look at the lyric translation in English.  Here is a decent translation   and now, without further ado I present 200 songs to heal by.

1. Matchbox 20, Can't Let you Go
2. Christina Perri, Jar of Hearts.
3. The Beattles, All You Need is Love.
5. Pink, Perfect
4. Hugo, 99 problems
6. Sugarland, Stuck Like Glue  (if possible watch the music video)
7. Grand Corps Malade, Voyage En Train (if possible watch music Video/see english traslation)
8. Break My Heart, Sara Ramirez.
9. A Great Big World, Say Something
10. James Blunt, Bonfire Heart
11. Passenger, the Wrong Direction
12. Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart
13. Brad Paisley/Allison Krause, Whiskey Lullaby
14. Alanis Morissette, Ironic
15. Mary Lambert, Dear One
16. Ribs, Lorde
17. I Try, Macy Grey
18. Katy Perry, By the Grace of God
19. Lorde, Glory and Gore
20. Hoku, Another Dumb Blonde
21. Jason Miraz, I won't Give Up
22. The Eagles, Hotel california
23. Anna nalick, Breathe (2AM)
24. Muse, Madness
25. Ace of Base, Every Time it Rains
26. Mary lambert, Sum of Our Parts
27. The Beatles, Yesterday
28. Celine dion, All Coming Back to Me Now
29. Greenday, Wake Me Up When September ends
30. Dixie chicks, Cold Day in July
31. Mary Lambert, Wounded Animal
32. Lorde, 400 Lux
33. Collective soul, December
34. Celine Dion, A New Day Has Come
35. Rixton, Me and My Broken Heart.
36. Abba, S.O.S
37. The Story, Sara Ramirez
38. Collective soul,  Needs
39. The Cranberries, Raining In My Heart
40. Fun., Some Nights
41. Train, Calling All Angels
42. Neil Sedaka, Breaking Up is Hard to Do
43. Bastille, Bad Blood
44. Billy Joel, Piano Man
45. Chely wright, Shut Up and Drive
46. One Direction, You &I
47. Matchbox 20, Restop
48. Idina menzel, Let It Go
49. Le Ann Rimes, The Right Kind of Wrong
50. Panic At The Disco, I write Sins Not Tragedies
51. Lille Allen, Fuck you
52. One Direction, The Story of My Life
53. Calvin Harris, I Need Your Love
54. John Ledgend, All Of Me
55. Matchbox 20, Bed of Lies
56. B.O.B., Airplanes
57. Dixie Chicks, Without You
58. Mary Lambert, Heart On My Sleave
59. Kid rock/ Sheryl Crow,  Picture
60. Mary Lambert, She Keeps Me Warm
61. The Luminieers, Hey Ho
62. Fun, Some nights intro
63. Avicii, Hey Brother
64. Modest Mouse, Float On
65. Alanis morisette,  All I Really Want
66. Green Day, Basketcase
67. Jewel, Foolish Games
68. Eminem,  Recovery
69. Florence and the Machine, Shake It Out
70. Daddy Yankee, Tango De Gasolina
71. The Cranberries, Linger
72. Incubus, Drive
73. James Blunt, you're Beautiful
74. Matchbox 20, Mad Season
75. Imagine Dragons, Bleeding Out
76. Greenday,  Good Riddance (time of your life)
77. Soul Asylum, Runaway Train
78. James Blunt, Heart of Gold
79. Greenday,  Jesus of Suburbia
80. Eve 6, Inside Out
81. Moby, Extreemly Ways
82. Enigma,  Return to Inocence
83. James Blunt, Same Mistake
84. The Five Stairsteps, Ooh child
85. James Blunt, These Are the Words
86. Ace of Base, the Sign
87. Chely wright,  Object of Your Rejection
88. Backstreet Boys, as Long As You Love Me
89. Fugees, Killing Me Softly
90. Katy Perry, Double Rainbow
91. Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova, Falling Slowly
92. Alanis Morisette, You Ought to Know
93. Mary Lambert, Ribcage
94. Matchbox 20, These Hard Times
95. Christina Perri, Tragedy
96. James Blunt, Tears and Rain
97. Taylor Swift, Shake It Off
98. Ace of Base,  It's A Beautiful Life
99. U2, With or Without you
100. Finally Apple, Criminal
101. Dixie Chicks, Not Ready To Make Nice
102. Katy Perry, Roar
103. Passenger, Let Her Go
104. Alanis Morissette, You Learn
105. Club Nouveau, Lean On Me
106. Matchbox 20, Disease
107. Chely wright,  Broken
108. Katy Perry, Dark Horse
109. James Taylor,  Fire and Rain
110. Adelle, Skyfall
111. Sara Ramirez,  Waitin
112. Beyonce,  Halo
113. Mary Lambert,  When You Sleep
114. Samantha Barks, On My Own
115. Adelle, Someone Like You
116. The Frey, How to Save a life
117. Ace Of Base, All That She Wants.
118. Jewel, You Were Made For Me
119. Fun., Carry On
120. Rod Stuart, have I Told You Lately
121. Lorde, Royals
122. R.E.M., Everybody Hurts
123. James Blunt, Carry You Home
124. James Blunt, Cry
125. Cage the Elephant, Come a Little Closer
126. Dixie Chicks, Landslide
127. Tracy Chapman, Give Me One Reason
128. LeAnn Rimes, Please Remember
129. Jamie O'Neal, There is No ARIZONA
130. Dixie Chicks, Wide Open Spaces
131. One Republic, Secrets
132. Johny Cash, Ring of Fire
133. Mary Lambert, Monochromatic
134. James Blunt, No Bravery
135. Katy Perry, Love Me
136. Whitney Houston, I will Always Love you
137. The Neighbourhood, Sweater Weather
138. Celine Dion, my heart will go on
139. Lille Allen,  Never Gonna Happen
140. Celine Dion,  All By Myself
141. chrsitina Perri, Sad Song
142. Snow Patrol, Chasing cars
143. Paramore, The Only Exception
144. Natasha Bedingfield, Soulmate
145. Panic at the Disco, Nine in the Afternoon
146. Pink/ Nate Ruesh, Just  Give Me A Reason
147. Lorde, Still Sane
148. Johny Cash and June Carter, Bridge Over Troubled Water
149. The Red Hot Chilli Pipers, Loch Lomand
150. Rod Stuart, Forever Young
151. Sam Smith, Stay With Me
152. Gabrielle Alpin, Home
153. Susan Boyle, I Dreamed a Dream
154. Gabrielle Alpin, Salvation
155. James Blunt, Goodbye My Lover
156. Taylor Swift, Back to December
157. The Civil Wars, Safe and Sound
158. christina Perri, A Thousand Years
159. Madona, The Power of Goodbye
160. Sleeping at Last, All Through the Night
161. Gotye, Somebody That I Used to Know
162. Mary Lambert, So Far Away
163. AWOLNation, Sail
164. Colbie Caillat, If You Love Me Let Me Go
165. Daniel Powter, Bad Day
166. She & Him, Never Wanted Your Love
167. Pink, So What
168. Cold Play, The Scientist
169. White Town, Your Woman
170. Rob Thomas, Lonely No more
171. Chainsmokers, #Selfie
172. James Blunt, Give Me Some Love
173. Rascal Flatts, What Hurts The Most
174. The Raconteurs, Steady As She Goes
175. Matchbox 20, Push
176. Lady Antebellum, Need You Now
177. Green Day, 21 Guns
178. Mumford & Sons, I Will Wait
179. Katy Perry, Unconditionally
180. Taylor Swift, We Are Never Getting Back Together
181. Alanis Morisette, Head Over Feet
182. Matchbox 20, Bent
183. Rascal Flatts, I'm Moving On
184. The Red Hot Chilli Pipers, Fix You
185. Celine Dion, Because You Loved Me
186. Bare Naked Ladies, Pinch Me
187. Madona, Frozen
188. B.O.B/Taylor Swift, Both of US
189. No Doubt, Dont Speak
190. the Cardigans, Love Fool
191. Natalie Umbruglia, Torn
192. The Verve, Bitter Sweet Symphony
193. The Red Hot Chilli Pipers, Fix You
194. Sinead O'Connor, Nothing Compares 2 U
195. Miley Cyrus, Wrecking Ball
196. Toni Braxton, Un-Break My Heart
197. Iggy Azalea/Rita Ora, Black Widow
198. Sara Evans, A Little Bit Stronger
199. Sugarland, Stay
200. Lee Ann Womack, I Hope You Dance

Thursday, October 23, 2014

I Look At Spoilers, And That's Ok.

 I tried so hard. I wasn't going to look at any tweets from the East Coast.  I thought, I can do this, and if I do it, I will enjoy this episode for its suspense, like everyone tells me I should- spoiler free, or at least, spoiler limited. I can't un-see the vague spoilers I saw before the live tweet. The live tweet is really cheating, most spoilers just add more questions than they answer, live tweet just answers.

 So I tried. I tried really hard. I deleted every notification and tried to un-focus my eyes and not see them. It worked. Till the show was over. The post tweets got me. I saw something, I saw too much, and then I just had to look.

 And then i had to read all the follow up articles.  I was upset about a few things, for a minute or two, I just processed. I processed my disappointment, my hopes, my changed view. It wasn't as good as I hoped, It wasn't as bad either. It just was. It was what it was, and I was OK.  And then I realized, I hate surprises, and that's OK. I like spoilers, and that's OK.

  One of the personality theories I recently studied, talked about how people have different thresholds for things, for emotional things, for physical things, for drama, for whatever. I can't handle surprises because it causes me so much anxiety that I can't actually enjoy the thing, or connect to things as I should, as I need to, to enjoy it.

 I need spoilers, because  I am enjoying this episode so much more now that i know what is coming, now that i don't have to worry about where it is going, I can just in joy where it is, and what it is. I can laugh. I can appreciate the red herrings, and the foreshadowing. I can laugh  when its funny, and I can feel nostalgic. I don't have to be mad at anyone, that its not going to plan, or scared, when it is going to plan that its going to fall apart.  It takes away my feeling of responsibility for controlling my emotions to respond a certain way.

 I'm talking about a TV show, and i promise you that is why i watch things on Netflix after they are completely over, and when it gets too intense i look ahead.  That is why when i read a book, i read all the chapter titles, and sometimes i peak in the back.  That is why I enjoy my birthday presents or Christmas presents  so much more when someone consults me three or four months before what I am getting. Maybe there are a set of possibilities, but i know what all the possibilities will be. and I get excited, instead of anxious. Because i know what it is, and i have time to get excited, and i don't have to worry how I'm going to respond when i open it, because its not a surprise.

If its a surprise, i get anxious, and even if i like a present, or an ending, i can't show it, because the pressure is just too much for me.

I am thoroughly enjoying an episode of Grey's Anatomy, that i would have absolutely HATED if i hadn't seen those spoilers.  I know I can't rid my life of any and all surprises, and I'm not about to try to. But, because of this episode, and because of what I learned from spoilers, I think its time I stop trying to enjoy surprises, and just love the fact that I don't, its not me, its not who I am. And that is OK.  I give myself permission to never pretend to like surprises when I don't ever again.  Because I don't. I don't enjoy them. I don't enjoy the drama, and the build up, and the anxiety, and I never will. 

There Is No Calzona

I wrote  a parody to handle  a worst case cenario for tonights episode of Greys Anatomy. I'll put lyrics first, expliantion after.  Im on my phone, so if you need to hear the original song, its to Jamie O'Neal's There Is No Arizona. Mine is called There Is No CalZona:
Vs 1:
Shonda gave us new, better tv wifes, Callie and Arizona. Arizona's blue and piercing eyes, hope that she was gonna, get things in order, help counselor,  'cause when they both wore white, it never crossed our minds that...

There is no Calzona, because Callie ' s pushy, and Arizona cheated. If there was, folded pizza, we could fill it up with the dreams she sold us. But they don't exist, loves dough can't hold 'em. We'll wake up and find, there is no Calzona.

Vs 2:
We got a post card with no return address, of Calzona's tombstone. Final straw was that dumb plane crash. It's all about the leg, we know! 9, 10, 11, we wondered why, we're still waiting. We'll keep waiting, 'cause...

Repeat chorus

Vs 3:
Each Thursday the sun set into the West, my heart sinks lower in my chest. I keep hoping that she'll save them, finally Shonda just let's them blow up.

Repeat chorus

Shonda gave us new, better TV wifes, Callie and Arizona.

So, as many of you know I'm currently the local coordinator for my work for the combined federal charity campaign. And as you also know, I'm an introvert,  and all my day time work activities are putting a very pleasant but still massive drain on my energy stores.

As a result, when I get home from work I don't want to talk to people about anything, except one of a handful of shows I am watching.

The most effective of these show seems to be Greys Anatomy, which I watched for the  first time two months ago. I have now seen season 1, most of season 2, the end of season 4 through the middle of season 7, and every single youtube video of "all sceens" of callie, arizona, and calzona from every single season they are in.  Why? I don't know, I just really like calzona and emotionally invested in them. Oh, and I'm watching the current season.
Perhaps this was a mistake to emotionally invest in a couple that apparently have a 50/50 shot of surviving the season, and perhaps that will be answered tonight? Soon we will know.

But since I'm already under so much stress, I had to make a coping mechanism so that I can handle the worst possible scenario tonight. I chose one of my favorite methods and wrote a parody to Jamie O'Neals There Is No Arizona. In fact, the song chose itself after the episode two weeks ago.

I am writing this on my cell phone, so I can't link you up to a youtube video of this song, you'll have to find it yourselves. But if you find yourself in a rough spot tonight, watching Greys Anatomy, at the next commercial break, or pause if you have DVR, put on the music, and sing my new lyrics. You may feel better, I know I do, whenever I start to feel overwhelmed about tonight's coming episode.  Jessica Capshaw tweeted that there is no preparing for this episode, that's probably true. But we will all need something when it gets to be too much. This is my something, if it helps someone else too, that's great.