Friday, January 2, 2015

2014, Into The Woods

Ok Yesterday I had every intention of writing a reflective blog post, but a headache, and muscle aches from dancing too hard into the new year delayed me to today.

It did not, however, delay me seeing into the woods, which I loved, and which has application in this blog post.

Last year was the year I wondered courageously past the forest of feelings, covered in 2013 (also a frightening place) into the  self discovery woods. I too wondered into those woods because of a dream, and learned a few hard lessons, but in the end, I found I was never alone, and that  though I had changed greatly, and the journey was sometimes rough and scary, I wouldn't have traded it for the world. And perhaps now I can live somewhere between  a dream and a nightmare. 

Ok, enough into the woods talk, what was 2014? Well, it was the year that I learned to embrace and love myself, I think as fully and completely  as one can. It wasn't easy to do. There were some moments of anger, some moments of deep soul searching, and some moments that were quite new and scarry adventures.

But I've come out of it feeling more emotionally stable than ever before. I could use a label, like happy or content to discribe my ending place for the year, but that's not quite accurate. I'm not unhappy, in fact I'd say I'm closer to happy than I've ever been in my life, but I don't know that happy is my goal. Rather, I'm not depressed, and I haven't been depressed for the longest span possibly in my life, and I am at peace. The anger that plagued parts of this year is gone, and I'm at peace with myself and this crazy world. And I'm content  with being at peace and not being depressed.

I am happy to have reached a point where I just accept and love all of me, and I couldn't  have done that without my best friends, including my savior Jesus Christ, but also others, who accepted me for me on the days I struggled to do the same.

I will forever look back at 2014 with  warm fuzzy loving memories,  and really only good thoughts, because in the end, she set me free, and gave me confidence, a new kind of courage, love, and peace. By the end of the year, I know mostly, who I am, what I want, where I want to go, and I've learned to live my life so that I will be pleased with me, and to not worry so much about disapointing or pleasing others.

Wow, lessons I wish I learned earlier, but glad I learned at least not any later. 2015 has come, and I believe I will just keep going as I have done in 2014, by being and embracing me, and by being the person that i can live with. Every year, as it begins, kind of speaks to me in a way. As 2015 began, a feeling inside me changed.

The journey this year takes off where the last one ended. Now that I know myself so well, I feel like I can truly begin to know God. 2015, is going to be a year of deeper spiritual discovery, I can feel it. My relationship  with God got a lot more deep and personal last year, and I have a feeling that this  year will be spiritually definative. My liahona, If you will, went into what felt like super mode at the stroke of midnight on new years, and I'm excited by that feeling and possibility, that I am perhaps now prepared to learn things I hadn't before. I don't really  know how that should be, because I've always been a fairly spiritual person, but I feel like this year will be a journey through the valley of the saints. 

Ok enough of my random babbling. Happy New Year to all.