The Have To...

I remember one of my favorite movies growing up was "Rookie of the Year." I memorized that thing front and back, I just loved it.  One of my favorite scenes the kid was up to pitch for the first time, and he was so scared he couldn't throw the ball where he was supposed to. The old veteran pitcher walked to the mound to give him a talk, and told him  "you  gotta go to your have to. "  a confused dialog continued as the kid and I both tried to figure out what the "have to" was that he needed to go to. Finally the old guy just tells him its the place where his fear lived and basically that he needed to face it.

 Today, I think I finally understand the "have to."  The have to , is when you are so freaking scared of something that you have only two choices, facing it or absolute misery. Its been a "have to" kind of week.
There are lots of things I have to do- I have to go on a long commute to get to work every day. Sometimes people ask me how I can do this- well, I have to. I have to get up, because I have to pay my bills or be homeless, I don't want to be homeless. I have to go because I am too lazy or scared to find another job closer to home ( a fact that is quickly changing mind you). I have to because I like living in Kitsap county, I don't want to move to the Seattle side. I have made my choices, unless I change one of those variables, i have to get up and commute to work.

It is the same, I think , with moral standards. God doesn't make us do anything, neither does anyone else. Why do I keep the word of wisdom (no alcohol, coffee, tea etc)? why do I keep the law of chastity (no sex before or outside of marriage to put it in layman's terms) ? Why do I pay my tithing? etc etc. Quite simply because I have to. I have to keep those rules/commandments, whatever you want to call them because A) I promised God I would, and B) I wont be happy if I don't keep them, and my ultimate objective in life is to make me as happy as I possibly can.

I am happy when I am unselfish and serve others, I am happy when I live my religion, I am happy when I finally deal with my problems instead of running away from them.   "Courage is not the absence of fear, but the knowledge that something is of greater importance than the fear" is one of my favorite quotes from the Princess Diaries.   It is true, what makes us brave, what makes people put fear behind them and choose something else is that they come to that point where something is more important than being afraid, they come to the Have To, that place where fear lives until we have to vanquish it, and then it is dead and faith abounds.  I have to be the best me I can, and that scares me, and sometimes I will fail, but just as Eminem said, (edited version) "Success is my only .... option Failure's not"       Are you afraid? Go to your Have To, and then fight on. 

My most challenging day on the ice

It was only twenty minutes, and the most challenging thing i did was cross overs, and backward swizzles, but when time was up, I was ready to get off the ice.

My foot is a bit tinggly right now, but I didnt push it too hard. Considering weeks ago I still couldnt even balance on my left foot, today was big progress. But, with shaky balance issues, and figure skaters jumping and speeding around me, it was definately my most dufficult day on the ice ever.

I couldnt possibly skate another minute today, but i am greatful I had a second back on the ice. The months ahead are going to be annoyingly slow and difficult, but I will make my comeback, and then I will get my axel. Peace out, from the B town Ice center

Its 3 AM I Must Be Blogging...

 Well, This will be completely nonsensical. Probably one of those things you have to be up at 3 am to get and think is funny, but if you were here, at 3 am, when I wrote this, You would probably be laughing hysterically.

  Have you ever noticed how funny it is when you get tired. How funny everything is. And then you start crying because you are tired and even that is funny.  Tonight, I couldn't even figure out how to put my shoes on. That was pretty funny. See, this is why young Mormons don't need alcohol to have a good time, we know that if we stay up late enough everything is hilariously awesome. Oh, you think that that pillow is a piece of shredded wheat cereal because you are up too late and you are hungry and tired and  don't know what the crud you are even thinking? yeah, that's pretty funny.  
  You know, every time I am up at 3 AM, that matchbox 20 song pops into my head, You know the one, 3 AM.  Well, Its 3 AM. I don't think I am lonely, because I just had a really awesome game night with friends (even though I wound up as scum again for most of it). And then I talked to a friend for, I don't know, maybe an hour, hour and a half. I thought it was two hours, but she determined I was wrong based on when she sent a text.  It sounded good, but none of us were making sense at that point. And now I am home and its 3 AM , I must be blogging. Yup, I think that is what this is. What the crap is a blog?  also, Road is a funny word.  OK I think its time for sleep.  but I hope this post reminds you of your favorite time you stayed up so late that you made no sense and laughed at everything. Those are the best times, we should try to remember them.    

 You know I saw a news headline the other day, that there was a lady who said a dingo ate her baby ,but she was convicted of the murder. Now they have found evidence, the dingo really did eat her baby. that is sad. But it reminds me of the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine kept saying in an Australian accent "The dingo ate my baby" I thought that was funny, I had no Idea it was based off anything really. well now I have truly ventured off into randomness.    night all

Never Kick A Giving Horse in the Mouth

I am sure you have all heard the idiom "Never look a gift horse in the mouth."   That means if someone gives you something dont look for flaws in the gift, its a gift, accept it graciously. That isnt what i want to talk about today.
When I was in the MTC, one of my Elders, Jimmy King, messed up that idiom and inadvertntly created a new one, just as true, and just as important in my oppinion, because its never left me.
"Never kick a giving horse in the mouth" he said. What the H is a giving horse? To be honest, I dont know. It probably doesnt exist, but I like to imagine its a mythical horse creature that looks like charlie the unicorn, minus the horn, and with a happy, friendly and giving attitude.
If you ever come accross this creature, he is kind and will be a true friend, and likes to give gifts, good gifts. Hes a cool guy, unless you kick him in the mouth.
Dude, its a horse with magical powers! What the sea biscut do you think you are doing kicking him in his magical teeth?   You gonna pay for that, he has magical powers duh! And now you ticked him off, good luck.
Mythical creature asside, have you ever done a lot for someone, out of love and caring only to have them "kick you in the mouth" figuratively? It hurts when that happens. We all do it, and we've all had it done to us. Let us remember the wisdom of Elder King, and do our best to never kick a giving horse in the mouth.

Oh So Quiet!!!

Its funny, Just a few days ago I was pleading for a bit of space and alone time, and now the silence is so deafening that I can hardly think.  Its hard to get a balance on that front, but with one roommate moved out, I am very glad I have another soon moving in.
  Sunday dinner is my least favorite thing to do alone, and today I made a supper Delicious dinner, but it so killed it to not have anyone to talk to, or share the plethora of BYU devotional addresses that I watched. They were all really awesome.  This week has been amazing, so  I guess I can take a bit of the quiet time and reflect on what I have learned:

 1- I am ME and that is more than OK, its awesome
2- God loves me, he is aware of me and he takes care of me whether I deserve it, or feel I deserve it or not
3- True Good friends are one of the GREATEST blessings in the world that anyone could ever have
4- You can never run away from your problems for long, you must face them, acknowledge them, and deal with them.
5- I have a really cool dog.
6- I feel happiest when I am honest with myself and others.
7-Faith in God is what allows us the ability to ask for, look for  and see the amazing things he puts into our daily lives.
8- When I don't want to sit through all 3 hrs of church that is when we will have the best Relief Society lesson ever that is most applicable to my life and what I need, so I should defiantly sit on.

9- We all have different problems, but we all have problems, we all feel alone at times, we all feel pain, and well all feel like we fall short of who we want to be,  but we are all far more loved and cared for than we ever realize.

            I love you guys all,  If you are having a bad day, reach out to someone- a friend, a stranger. Spend time with someone, do something for someone else,  do something to connect with humanity and don't be afraid to see the good that is around you instead of just the hard, the bad, the sad and the painful. Life is full of all those things, but life is also full of love, family,friends, beauty and joy.

Happy Sunday all

Bearing one anothers burdens

I learned a really good lesson this week, one that i am sure I half learned a year ago. In the scriptures it talks about how we should morn with those that morn, comfort those in need of comfort, and bear one annothers burdens. As I was increasingly angry, frustrated and confused I could not do that. I didnt care and I just wanted to push people away. Monday I kind of hit the tipping point.
This forced me to back up and evaluate a few things, but mostly it forced me to the point I had to open up and talk to some of my really close friends and tell them what was really going on with me. 

What I learned from this, is part of bearing eachothers burdens is sharing your own. As soon as I did, I knew I wasnt alone, I knew people had my back, and then finally I had a light enough load again that I can have there back. As people we are always far stronger when we unite together than when try to do it alone.

Some onetime

I realized when I woke up this morning I am quickly reaching the point where anyone and everyone are annoying and frustrating me.
It didnt take long for me to figure out why. I learned from a very wise professor in college, that it is very important to keep a balance with your One time - alone time, Two time - one on one time, and your Three time -group time.

I am in no doubt that a lack of true alone time, solitude has caused my imbalance and irritation. I cant really think of the last time I spent some good quality time with myself. I watched the olympics alone, but I wasnt alone, i was with the comunity of lovers of all things olympic.
I have rushed from thing to thing, church function, family function, friend function, olympic function. In so doing i have neglected one of the most fundamentally important relationships i have, me time. Because of this, I feel like all my other important relationships are suffering, including family, friends and God.
I read an old conference talk from president Uchtdorf this morning called "What matters Most" its a very good and wise talk, i encourage you all to take a look at it. For now, I may have to pass on a few activities for a bit, till I can restore my balance. Its important to do that. You cant love anyone else if you dont love yourself, they say. And I say you cant love someone you dont spend time with and get to know. This is a constant thing in all our relationships in life. So, I love you all dearly, but its time for me to spend a little time on me, and then I can spend time on you again.

Tired

 I was told 30 was a great year. That is a freaking LIE!!  I keep getting my hopes up that I can turn this year around and make it great, but so far it just sucks and I don't like it. Last year was a great year. I liked last year. I liked this year during the Olympics.   I don't know,  I am tired, Sore, and sick of slowly coming back from my foot injury. I am even sicker of trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life, because right now it all seems kinda pointless.  Sorry this is whiny, I know we all have those days, and sometimes those months, and sometimes those years. I am going to keep working, I am going to keep fighting for my comeback. Today though, I am just going to go to sleep because I am too tired to do any more. Sometimes, Life just makes you tired. tonight is one of those sometimes. 

The Flame Forever Burns

I am about to begin watching the final piece of this Olympic games. As always, I am in the last time zone to see it, so I am sure you already have. But, before the flame is extinguished (for me, I already know its out in London) I want to share my memories that I am certain I will never forget, some things I loved, and some that I didn't.  
  I will always remember  a female track star with a flower in her hair, to show power in femininity. I probably wont remember her name. I have to look it up not to know its Alysia Montano. But I wont forget the story behind it that they told and that "Running like a girl" is a good thing.  I will remember a fifteen year old Lithuanian girl coming from no where again and again to get the gold and go beyond her own expectations. 
   I will remember gymnastic dreams reached, gymnastics dreams crushed, gold medals and flat out face plants. I will remember an American diver surprising everyone and getting gold. That was an amazing competition. I wont forget Mo and Rupp, or the Blade runner, and an amazing Grenadian, or the mini's that collected the discus and javelin.
 I also will remember the dreams that were never realized.  Arielle Martin, who was slated to go to the Olympics this year  to compete in BMX crashed in training the day before she was to fly to London. Her injuries were extensive, and she didn't make it. But her faith and determination helped to inspire people from her home town, and her fellow BMX riders. As I watched BMX and saw her replacement rider with Arielle's initials on her hand I will admit a tear or two was shed. My mom told me the story originally. Arielle is LDS, and asked for a blessing in faith. She may not have made it to the Olympics, but there is so much inspiring about the story. Sometimes  the Olympic creed that its not the triumph, but the struggle means painful things, but Arielle's struggle to get to the games (this is her second time barely missing out on going) is perhaps more inspiring than even if she had made it.

I wont forget the older athletes that came back one more time- many nearly forty, still amazing skills. Tunisia  got their first medal, and Malaysia, celebrating their success was just as fun to me as celebrating the USA being number one on the medal count again.  Tom Daily was inspiring, the french Men's gymnastics team- I didn't even know they existed!! and the french swimming relay team getting gold, even if it was at our expense. 

I found out I love white water kayaking, rowing, the equestrian cross country event, mountain biking, BMX - Latvia won gold!! I was entertained by politicking in the women's high jump- trying to get all the athletes to pass a jump so they could all qualify to the final, but that didn't work because not everyone was on board.  Missy Franklin- I wont forget that smile, or Nathan Adrian, or the fact that Ryan Lochte pees in the pool.  

  I tried, but could not get into sailing, rhythmic gymnastics or table tennis. I hate Judo and boxing, but I love taekwando- go figure, and archery is cool.   

The most important thing I take from this Olympics however, Is my personal desire to do better and be better in every aspect of my life, because I know I can. I can run faster, eat healthier, be kinder, and just be better in every way. I can't do it in one day, but my goal is that in four years I can look back and measurably be a healthier, happier person. I know I have great potential- SO DO YOU!!  At the close of these games, the training begins again in renewed strength to be the best me I can be.  Faster, Higher, Stronger.  Its time to dream again, and to work for a dream. No more coasting in life for me, as one of the US divers (Katie Bell) was reported to say  I am going to say "I own this Shiz" (I changed the last word.)  Lets go own it. And lets all go for gold, for peace, for good sportsman ship, for awesomeness.  The Games have ended, but let the flame forever burn in your heart, inspiring you to greatness.

Gold Medal Moms

I think long before this Olympics began we knew that  at least the P&G commercials would be focusing on moms and their contributions to the games. I had no idea how much NBC was going to jump on board with the whole thing. 
  Tonight, as I watched highlights of the women's high jump final, as each woman got up to jump the commentator it seemed would say  she was in her 30's and a mother of  _____ children. Kind of cool. Runners are also moms, some have won big medals,  Some mommy swimmers have even made come backs- though not at this Olympics to my knowledge. The us Gymnastics team might be all young 16 year olds, but one of the German team  is 37 and a mom. She made the event final on vault and finished in fifth place.   
  As a 30 year old, I don't expect to go to the Olympics, most of the women that do this started going to the Olympics when they were much younger, but the fact that one can still do these amazing things in sports long after the years that they, who ever they are,  tell  us we can do them, is something.  I know one thing I will take from these Olympics is a bit more patience and consistency in my own athletic goals and training. With my foot injury, patience has been a must, I am no longer worrying about trying to heal and get an Axel in a day,  just to get it eventually. sometimes that is the smarter move.   Thank PG for the mom commercials, thanks NBC for telling us the mom stories, and thank you moms for all you do.   Happy Olympics everyone, only a few events and closing ceremonies left. I am sad to see it in, but inspired to work harder for the next two years (till winter Olympics)

Abilities

 I think the most interesting pattern I am seeing in this Olympics, is that people who were told they couldn't, said they could, and then they did.  People who had disadvantages were able to turn them into advantages, or at least perceived advantages. 

Kieran Behan is the first gymnast from Ireland  to qualify on his own merit for an Olympics, and he got to London against all odds. He was told twice in his life that he would never walk again, and twice he worked and made his way back to the gym. Then he had to do car washes and bake sales to get funding to make it to qualifying events, and to the Olympics. He and his family did it, and I watched him compete. He didn't win  gold, but he won something more, what we all want, a chance to do his best on the highest stage. 

US diver Chris Colwell was born with 60% hearing loss. From every interview I have heard from him, he doesn't seem to consider that a disadvantage even though he can't hear the buzzer or announcer saying to start his dive. He can focus better without noisy distractions and has ways of knowing when to dive. That is adaptability. Every one of us was born with some sort of "disadvantage" or "disability" but every one of us has the potential to turn that into an advantage. 

Speaking of "advantages", Who hasn't heard of Oscar Pistorius? Have you been living under a rock? The runner that had both his legs amputated and runs on sort of springs or blades has caused a great stir this year as people try to determine if his medal legs give him an advantage or not. I think the biggest question that would answer this for me is, in a sport known for doping- where people do things to cause great harm to their bodies so they can win a race,  if its such an advantage why aren't people chopping off their legs and getting these blades instead so they can win? because its not an advantage, its Oscar. If its an unfair advantage why is he the only one with such blades to make it and compete in the Olympics, and not just Para Olympics? Oscar is amazing and inspired me. He made a goal- not gold, but to make a semi final. He did that, and then he lost, and then  now gold medalist James Kirani changed bibs with him.  If that doesn't say respect, what does.

Speaking of James Kirani, He is from Grenada. Grenada has, until yesterday, never won an Olympic medal. that can be a disadvantage too, in funding, in people making it harder for you to get there because they don't believe you will make it. Myliutyte surprised everyone in swimming, she is only 15 and no one expected Lithuania to win a gold in swimming because they've never done it before. But both of them did it, they got the Gold. that is inspiring.  Cool Runnings has always been one of my favorite movies because "they did something no one thought they could do, and they did it with (everyone ) laughing in their face" as John Candy's character says in the movie.  Real life was not exactly like the movie, but I am sure the difficulty in getting people to believe in a Jamaican bobsled team wasn't too far off accurate.

 Natalia Partyka of Poland was born without her right hand and forearm , this year she is competing in table tennis in both the Olympics and Para Olympics. I don't know if you have watched Olympic table tennis, but they hit the ball faster than I can see to follow it. 

One of the US female runners yesterday talked about coming back to the sport after having twins and then having depression. She came back, she won her heats, and she was amazing to watch.  I could go on and on. The truth is that we love these back stories they tell us at the Olympics because they are inspiring. These athletes really are no different from the rest of us, they have lives, they have challenges, great challenges, but they work hard and over come them. If we want, we can do the same. It all reminds me of a poem by Berton Braley :

                      " Success"

If you want a thing bad enough

To go out and fight for it,

Work day and night for it,

Give up your time and your peace and your sleep for it

If only desire of it

Makes you quite mad enough

Never to tire of it,

Makes you hold all other things tawdry and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it

And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,

Fret for it,

Plan for it,

Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.

With all your capacity,

Strength and sagacity,

Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,

Nor sickness nor pain

Of body or brain

Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,

You'll get it!

AMEN!!!!  I think our biggest disability in life is not knowing what we want to go get. Figure it out, and go get it, and don't believe anyone who says you can't. People like to say that, they say it all the time. Yet, records fall every Olympics even when people say it cant be done. Roger Bannister ran a mile in under four minutes, no one thought that was possible, I could go on forever. Don't doubt, just work and believe. good luck. 

The Greatest VS The Most Decorated

A lot  has been said about Michael Phelps being "The greatest Olympian of all time." Though I wouldn't dare specifically name a person to that title, I wanted to take a moment and just say, I don't think Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time.
  He is talented, and accomplished and decorated, but he doesn't embody the Olympics, or the Olympic spirit to me better than anyone else, especially not this year where the love of the games just doesn't seem evident to me.  I would say more accurate is that Phelps is indeed the most decorated Olympian of all time, very talented and a great athlete. I would leave it there. 
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Having the most medals doesn't make one the greatest Olympian.  I don't even think that is a fair measure as some sports (like swimming) its far more possible to get more medals than others.  On top of that, the greatest Olympian should embody both great wins and great sportsmanship. 
 We should probably look more to the Pierre de Courbertin Medal winners for the greatest Olympians of all time- people like Luz Long,  Lawrence Lemieux (Gave up his very likely shot at a medal in sailing to go and rescue some fellow athletes who's boat capsized) ,  and Vanderlei Cordeiro de Lima  (attacked by a mad man at the end of the marathon he was going to win, he still managed to get bronze when he broke free.) Not to mention those athletes who have left a lasting impression on generations- Mary Lou, Olga, the mag seven, Mohamad Ali, and that is just the summer athletes. We could add in those with great Olympic longevity- Dara Torres, Iordan Iovtchev, Vitali Scherbo, and many many more. 


Phelps is great, but does having more medals really make him the greatest? I don't think it does.

August 1st

I enjoy watching diving, but with the men's diving this year, I am finding it slightly disturbing that the graphic keeps getting strategically placed with the score after they get out of the pool, so that it looks like they are completely naked because their tiny speedos get covered up. My brain gets slightly worried that when the graphic disappears so will the  speedo.  Luckily, that's not likely to happen.   Luckily the Men's all around is now on, so I can breath easy that there will be no costume malfunctions. Plus, watching David Belyavskiy and  Fabian Hambuechen is very strangely relaxing to me. I wish Orozco had not had any problems on pommel horse though.    
  Oh, and as always, I work out while I watch the Olympics. My abs are now in serious pain. I am going to go relax and watch some more gymnastics. You should do the same. Good luck and Gold medals to all!!