Right now I am sitting in my bed at a new range of emotional schme schmee schmee. With a bag of Ice on my foot, tears on the verge of rolling down my face (as they have been for weeks now) and a fist just waiting for the opportunity to punch something that wont hurt or be hurt. A pillow? yeah, I will probably punch a pillow. Man, how I wish I still had my brothers punching bag and boxing gloves available to me.
I feel like I have been reduced to a giant block of whimpiness, and everything that I love doing has been ripped far away from me. What the hackey sacks has reduced me to such a sniveling whiney little wimp? a stupid little nerve between my big toe and the toe next to it.
I have always prided myself on my ability to carry on, skate through the pain, or play better and harder when I am sick, tired, or injured. I have to admit this one has made me sick tired and injured and I honestly feel like its going to break me. After a month and a half of that feeling like you get at the end of physical therapy when they do the thing with the electric stuff and the ice, I just cant handle it any more. I Just don't know why on earth there is any point to anything. I know there is a point, and I know one day this will stop hurting, so I am keeping my self destructive behavior to just yelling at my tried and true friends, crying to my roommate, and consuming burritos and large amounts of chocolate in short amounts of time. All I freaking want to do is go outside with my dog and go for a run around the block. But I can't, and that just makes my heart ache. especially since no one else will take him and the poor boy just wants to go outside and run. Not to mention the fact that my weeds are growing again and I can't go whack them. my car needs a wash, but I can't do it. I feel like everything I love to do I can't do any more and I don't even have some great reason or story of why, Nothing inspiring, or to pity, just a stupid nerve in my foot has too much pressure on it so its reacting, and its reduced me to useless and I hate it, and I just want to cry and then hit something and then cry some more. You, over there, my friend, with a far worse problem. Yeah, i wanna care and show sympathy for your plight, but I can't freaking concentrate on anything you are saying because my foot feels like its on fire every time i take the ice off. Sorry, this is just a big whiney blog. but I needed to get this out. I just need to write, and cry. and just so every one knows, you really can't help me or do anything about it, and constant advice on how to make my foot better is getting irritating. I saw a specialist, i am doing all i freaking can. i just have to be patient now. If you would like to come take my dog for a run, or whack my weeds, or help me make french bread that i really wish i could bake right now, that would be great, but other wise i am really ornery and I would just like your future forgiveness for the insensitive and angry tone i am going to have in my voice till this pain leaves me alone and lets me get some solid sleep for once. That is all. forgive me, and let me rage a little. i am done ranting now. thanks
Mandi
I feel like I have been reduced to a giant block of whimpiness, and everything that I love doing has been ripped far away from me. What the hackey sacks has reduced me to such a sniveling whiney little wimp? a stupid little nerve between my big toe and the toe next to it.
I have always prided myself on my ability to carry on, skate through the pain, or play better and harder when I am sick, tired, or injured. I have to admit this one has made me sick tired and injured and I honestly feel like its going to break me. After a month and a half of that feeling like you get at the end of physical therapy when they do the thing with the electric stuff and the ice, I just cant handle it any more. I Just don't know why on earth there is any point to anything. I know there is a point, and I know one day this will stop hurting, so I am keeping my self destructive behavior to just yelling at my tried and true friends, crying to my roommate, and consuming burritos and large amounts of chocolate in short amounts of time. All I freaking want to do is go outside with my dog and go for a run around the block. But I can't, and that just makes my heart ache. especially since no one else will take him and the poor boy just wants to go outside and run. Not to mention the fact that my weeds are growing again and I can't go whack them. my car needs a wash, but I can't do it. I feel like everything I love to do I can't do any more and I don't even have some great reason or story of why, Nothing inspiring, or to pity, just a stupid nerve in my foot has too much pressure on it so its reacting, and its reduced me to useless and I hate it, and I just want to cry and then hit something and then cry some more. You, over there, my friend, with a far worse problem. Yeah, i wanna care and show sympathy for your plight, but I can't freaking concentrate on anything you are saying because my foot feels like its on fire every time i take the ice off. Sorry, this is just a big whiney blog. but I needed to get this out. I just need to write, and cry. and just so every one knows, you really can't help me or do anything about it, and constant advice on how to make my foot better is getting irritating. I saw a specialist, i am doing all i freaking can. i just have to be patient now. If you would like to come take my dog for a run, or whack my weeds, or help me make french bread that i really wish i could bake right now, that would be great, but other wise i am really ornery and I would just like your future forgiveness for the insensitive and angry tone i am going to have in my voice till this pain leaves me alone and lets me get some solid sleep for once. That is all. forgive me, and let me rage a little. i am done ranting now. thanks
Mandi
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