This has been one of the oddest, most wonderful weeks of my life, and it all started on Fast Sunday, in Fast and Testimony meeting.
I believe I was the last one up to bear my testimony. At the start of the meeting I had thought to myself, you are going to end up their girl. Then I thought yeah, but I don't really have anything to say.
The argument ended there. I really didn't. I felt incredibly blessed and taken care of, but completely emotionally drained due to personal conversations with my family over the past three weeks. To be honest, I've been more than a little depressed, and though I was fighting on, I just didn't feel I had enough fight left in me to go up and say anything into a microphone in front of a room full of people.
Conference was great. I loved it. I learned from it. I slept through a great deal of it (due to aforementioned emotional exhaustion.) and had to watch everything multiple times later to get anything out of it. I just was too tired to absorb anything.
Then something inside of me was sparked. The spirit gave me a jolt of energy and pushed me on. There was one thing I had learned that I just had to share. Last week I published that blog about the ten myths for singles. As I read and reflected on that post, there was one thing that hit me that I had been struggling with more than anything else- The weight of making all the decisions, and having all the decisions responsiblity rest on my shoulder. As I complained to the Lord about this, and pleaded that he at least send me a roommate to bear some of the financial burdens so I didn't have so much weight, I got a pretty instant response, and It shocked me.
My dear daughter, Why are you making all the decisions on your own? you don't have to. You dont need a husband or a roommate for that, you have me. If you would lean on me like you are supposed to, I could take that burden and make it light for you, the responsiblilty wouldn't be so heavy, because you would know you counseled with me, and you made the correct choices.
In that moment a light bulb had gone off in my head, and I started to consider that, but I didn't quite know how to implement it, untill I got up to bear my testiomony about it. As I started to share that experience, the spirit again began to teach me. I remembered the Liahona talked about in the book of Mormon, that it worked according to faith, and that When it was followed, they journed in a straight course, and when it wasn't they got lost and had to wonder in the wilderness till they were humbled and figured it out again.
In that moment, as I was saying those words, I realized, my liahona had been broken, and unheaded. From that moment on I determied that I would rely on the lord to be my guide, that I would do whatever I felt directed by the spirit to do, that I would research whatever needed researching, and take whatever course it pointed. The spindles of the spirit again begain to point my heart in the direction to take.
Monday, I decided to go to my friends for FHE. As I was there, my depression lifted, and I felt light and recharged again. The magic of children and gospel teachings filled my heart, Write in your journal and your blog was the message to me of the night. I started writing in my journal again.
Tuesday I listened to saturday morning and afternoon and the priesthood sessions of General conference. Every talk had a message directly to me- Go on in courage, do all the scary things you need to do. You need to do them, and you need to do them now. This is your mission and your time. Have faith, not fear.
I came home from work determined to start. But my allergies were killing me, So I took a nap instead. I didn't want to go to Addiction Recovery Meeting, but I woke up just in time and decided to go. It was like a pep rally if ever there was one. I was again encourage to continue on in what I felt I should do.
Again, I arrived home, and again I felt my allergies were just too much to concentrate. I was still feeling very emotional about the events in Boston, where I have some friends, and I was about to put it all off. Then I saw a blog post from a friend who is a Marathon runner. I read a few lines, “But this is life. Things happen. Often what we have planned is not what the lord had planned.” I lost all sleepiness. I began to compose a message to the friends and people I felt inspired that I should talk to about a few personal things, and share my testimony. Every person I chose to put on that list the spirit told me to put there. I listened, even if it scared me a little.
I hit send, and I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew no matter the response, I would be able to handle whatever came. What I learned in the end was how truely loved and supported I am. I am glad I decided to rely on the lord, and to listen to the spirit, and to do hard things. Many of my friendships are going to be a whole lot better because of it. Dispite all odds, to this point, after well over 30 people have replied, not one was negative, even though I was told to brace myself for that inevitable negative moment to come. Instead, I just trusted that when it does, I would be able to handle it. I could handle any question that needed to come my way, everything would be ok. No FEAR, just faith.
There are many trials in the world. We all face them, we all have our thing that can defeat us if we let it, if we dont "Trust in the lord with all (our) hearts and lean not to (our) own understanding." the words of Nephi come back to me tonight as I reflect on the strengthening I have recieved this week, and the confirmation of my leap of faith "the Lord giveth no bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."
After the past month, I have no doubt that I will have more "mountains to climb" in the future. Sometimes they may appear to be very daunting and jagged. But as long as my liahona is working, I can sail any ocean, I can find and make the tools I need, I can find my way. I wont be lost, I wont be alone, and I never ever have to make any decision by myself. Jesus was not lying when he said that he would bare our burdens, when he said "my yolk is easy and my burden is light."
Dude, My burdens have never been so light, my path has never been so easy. I have never been less alone. No matter what you must face, trust God, and you can do it, and it will not only be ok, it will be the most wonderful feeling you have ever felt in your life.
I believe I was the last one up to bear my testimony. At the start of the meeting I had thought to myself, you are going to end up their girl. Then I thought yeah, but I don't really have anything to say.
The argument ended there. I really didn't. I felt incredibly blessed and taken care of, but completely emotionally drained due to personal conversations with my family over the past three weeks. To be honest, I've been more than a little depressed, and though I was fighting on, I just didn't feel I had enough fight left in me to go up and say anything into a microphone in front of a room full of people.
Conference was great. I loved it. I learned from it. I slept through a great deal of it (due to aforementioned emotional exhaustion.) and had to watch everything multiple times later to get anything out of it. I just was too tired to absorb anything.
Then something inside of me was sparked. The spirit gave me a jolt of energy and pushed me on. There was one thing I had learned that I just had to share. Last week I published that blog about the ten myths for singles. As I read and reflected on that post, there was one thing that hit me that I had been struggling with more than anything else- The weight of making all the decisions, and having all the decisions responsiblity rest on my shoulder. As I complained to the Lord about this, and pleaded that he at least send me a roommate to bear some of the financial burdens so I didn't have so much weight, I got a pretty instant response, and It shocked me.
My dear daughter, Why are you making all the decisions on your own? you don't have to. You dont need a husband or a roommate for that, you have me. If you would lean on me like you are supposed to, I could take that burden and make it light for you, the responsiblilty wouldn't be so heavy, because you would know you counseled with me, and you made the correct choices.
In that moment a light bulb had gone off in my head, and I started to consider that, but I didn't quite know how to implement it, untill I got up to bear my testiomony about it. As I started to share that experience, the spirit again began to teach me. I remembered the Liahona talked about in the book of Mormon, that it worked according to faith, and that When it was followed, they journed in a straight course, and when it wasn't they got lost and had to wonder in the wilderness till they were humbled and figured it out again.
In that moment, as I was saying those words, I realized, my liahona had been broken, and unheaded. From that moment on I determied that I would rely on the lord to be my guide, that I would do whatever I felt directed by the spirit to do, that I would research whatever needed researching, and take whatever course it pointed. The spindles of the spirit again begain to point my heart in the direction to take.
Monday, I decided to go to my friends for FHE. As I was there, my depression lifted, and I felt light and recharged again. The magic of children and gospel teachings filled my heart, Write in your journal and your blog was the message to me of the night. I started writing in my journal again.
Tuesday I listened to saturday morning and afternoon and the priesthood sessions of General conference. Every talk had a message directly to me- Go on in courage, do all the scary things you need to do. You need to do them, and you need to do them now. This is your mission and your time. Have faith, not fear.
I came home from work determined to start. But my allergies were killing me, So I took a nap instead. I didn't want to go to Addiction Recovery Meeting, but I woke up just in time and decided to go. It was like a pep rally if ever there was one. I was again encourage to continue on in what I felt I should do.
Again, I arrived home, and again I felt my allergies were just too much to concentrate. I was still feeling very emotional about the events in Boston, where I have some friends, and I was about to put it all off. Then I saw a blog post from a friend who is a Marathon runner. I read a few lines, “But this is life. Things happen. Often what we have planned is not what the lord had planned.” I lost all sleepiness. I began to compose a message to the friends and people I felt inspired that I should talk to about a few personal things, and share my testimony. Every person I chose to put on that list the spirit told me to put there. I listened, even if it scared me a little.
I hit send, and I knew it was the right thing to do. I knew no matter the response, I would be able to handle whatever came. What I learned in the end was how truely loved and supported I am. I am glad I decided to rely on the lord, and to listen to the spirit, and to do hard things. Many of my friendships are going to be a whole lot better because of it. Dispite all odds, to this point, after well over 30 people have replied, not one was negative, even though I was told to brace myself for that inevitable negative moment to come. Instead, I just trusted that when it does, I would be able to handle it. I could handle any question that needed to come my way, everything would be ok. No FEAR, just faith.
There are many trials in the world. We all face them, we all have our thing that can defeat us if we let it, if we dont "Trust in the lord with all (our) hearts and lean not to (our) own understanding." the words of Nephi come back to me tonight as I reflect on the strengthening I have recieved this week, and the confirmation of my leap of faith "the Lord giveth no bcommandments unto the children of men, save he shall cprepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."
After the past month, I have no doubt that I will have more "mountains to climb" in the future. Sometimes they may appear to be very daunting and jagged. But as long as my liahona is working, I can sail any ocean, I can find and make the tools I need, I can find my way. I wont be lost, I wont be alone, and I never ever have to make any decision by myself. Jesus was not lying when he said that he would bare our burdens, when he said "my yolk is easy and my burden is light."
Dude, My burdens have never been so light, my path has never been so easy. I have never been less alone. No matter what you must face, trust God, and you can do it, and it will not only be ok, it will be the most wonderful feeling you have ever felt in your life.
love it.
ReplyDelete