I think yesterday was an interesting point in time where I came to a sudden realization that people can be really mean to each other.
Its something we all do, intentionally or unintentionally, we hurt each other, often. But, what makes things worse is that we usually react to that hurt by creating more of it.
I've been listening to some really great historical pod casts lately, and I am feeling rather informed about how stupid people are, as well as how great they can be. And I don't want to focus too much on the negative, people are amazing, and awesome, and full of potential for love, and deep friendships, and great things. But, too often we meet people who become our best friends, until we hit a speed bump. Some human quality becomes apparent, and suddenly their weakness is all we can see. We make assumptions, usually to the worst possible scenario, and turn a mole hill into a mountain. Mole hills are legitimate problems, living here in Washington, I now know that. Eradicating that problem takes a lot of work and can be quite difficult, but its not a mountain, it can be removed.
And often, I think that's how some of our best friends become our worst frienmies, and if both sides cant come together- like adults, with good communication, and a desire to see the good over the bad, and with a bit of humility, Frienemies become bitter worst enemies in a deep embittered hatred that goes on for GENERATIONS.
Here's the thing, Some people are legitimately poisonous to your life. You should probably cut them out, and not have anything to do with them. However, you have to allow them the possibility of change.
We have to start understanding that you cant know the butterflies if you wont put up with caterpillars. From time to time, we will legitimately hurt one another, and some people are best cut out of our lives. No one should make themselves a doormat heaping continual hurt upon continual hurt to save a friendship or relationship that the other person has no interest in saving, but a lot of friendships, marriages and other relationships get severed that never needed to.
A word on gossip. I firmly believe that sometimes we just need to vent, and to bounce our thinking off a third party, and make sure we aren't being crazy. However, when the intent of that becomes to turn someone against another, or convince them we are right and someone else is wrong, then that is gossip in my opinion. Not just saying negative things, we all have bad stuff happen in life, and we need to get it out, but when your intent becomes to hurt or damage the other person, or their reputation with others in retaliation for how you feel you have been wronged, that is wrong, and eventually the other person will find out about it, so you probably should have just had the discussion with them to begin with.
I think its time we each recognize that no one on this planet is perfect, but the majority of people i know aren't intentionally malicious toward one another, and we'd do well to try to remember that when we feel hurt by someone. Do you think your best friend really was trying to hurt you and bring pain in your life? Or is there a chance they still love and care about you, but they are here learning and making mistakes just as you do? It takes two to fight, and I will not be one of the two, but i also wont be a door mat, and neither should you. Sometimes, after all you can do, you just have to walk away for a time, but that time doesn't have to be eternal, nor should it be bitter, nor should they be your enemy.
When i was seven, my parents cut ties with my grandma. That was a difficult decision, and i know they didn't like making it. However, it was not in our best interest to continue associating with my grandma. Seven years later, i missed my grandma a lot, and worried she would die with out knowing i still loved her. So i got out the phone book, and without my parents permission called her. I got an answering machine, so i just left a message saying i wanted her to know i loved her and missed her. Later that year, my parents got a letter from her, i got an angel pin, and slowly and cautiously contact was resumed. My grandma had changed. She wasn't perfect, by any means, but enough had changed, then slowly, year by year she changed more, and the grandma i last saw had become a living miracle and testimony to me that people can change, and love can heal and build a bridge.
Love, not time, heals all wounds, pure love, the love of Christ. Ive seen a lot lately of gossip and how it can hurt people. Gossip, in my opinion is talking negatively about someone else with the intent to injure their reputation, to turn others against them, or to get others on your side. It is different than venting, which should be getting feelings out so that you can understand, articulate, and work through problems, mainly with the intent of finding out if your hurts are real, or imagined, and determining the best manner of working through it with the party that caused the injury. Including the best way to talk to the person, without escalating the situation.
I don't believe most of us want to hurt each other, but we often do. Maybe we should remember that when we feel hurt, and maybe we should think, if the person were here would I want them to hear what I'm saying? I think we can do better. I think we can be more honest, more loving, and we can build stronger friendships. No, you don't really want to hurt me, and i don't want to hurt you. But sometimes we do.
Its something we all do, intentionally or unintentionally, we hurt each other, often. But, what makes things worse is that we usually react to that hurt by creating more of it.
I've been listening to some really great historical pod casts lately, and I am feeling rather informed about how stupid people are, as well as how great they can be. And I don't want to focus too much on the negative, people are amazing, and awesome, and full of potential for love, and deep friendships, and great things. But, too often we meet people who become our best friends, until we hit a speed bump. Some human quality becomes apparent, and suddenly their weakness is all we can see. We make assumptions, usually to the worst possible scenario, and turn a mole hill into a mountain. Mole hills are legitimate problems, living here in Washington, I now know that. Eradicating that problem takes a lot of work and can be quite difficult, but its not a mountain, it can be removed.
And often, I think that's how some of our best friends become our worst frienmies, and if both sides cant come together- like adults, with good communication, and a desire to see the good over the bad, and with a bit of humility, Frienemies become bitter worst enemies in a deep embittered hatred that goes on for GENERATIONS.
Here's the thing, Some people are legitimately poisonous to your life. You should probably cut them out, and not have anything to do with them. However, you have to allow them the possibility of change.
We have to start understanding that you cant know the butterflies if you wont put up with caterpillars. From time to time, we will legitimately hurt one another, and some people are best cut out of our lives. No one should make themselves a doormat heaping continual hurt upon continual hurt to save a friendship or relationship that the other person has no interest in saving, but a lot of friendships, marriages and other relationships get severed that never needed to.
A word on gossip. I firmly believe that sometimes we just need to vent, and to bounce our thinking off a third party, and make sure we aren't being crazy. However, when the intent of that becomes to turn someone against another, or convince them we are right and someone else is wrong, then that is gossip in my opinion. Not just saying negative things, we all have bad stuff happen in life, and we need to get it out, but when your intent becomes to hurt or damage the other person, or their reputation with others in retaliation for how you feel you have been wronged, that is wrong, and eventually the other person will find out about it, so you probably should have just had the discussion with them to begin with.
I think its time we each recognize that no one on this planet is perfect, but the majority of people i know aren't intentionally malicious toward one another, and we'd do well to try to remember that when we feel hurt by someone. Do you think your best friend really was trying to hurt you and bring pain in your life? Or is there a chance they still love and care about you, but they are here learning and making mistakes just as you do? It takes two to fight, and I will not be one of the two, but i also wont be a door mat, and neither should you. Sometimes, after all you can do, you just have to walk away for a time, but that time doesn't have to be eternal, nor should it be bitter, nor should they be your enemy.
When i was seven, my parents cut ties with my grandma. That was a difficult decision, and i know they didn't like making it. However, it was not in our best interest to continue associating with my grandma. Seven years later, i missed my grandma a lot, and worried she would die with out knowing i still loved her. So i got out the phone book, and without my parents permission called her. I got an answering machine, so i just left a message saying i wanted her to know i loved her and missed her. Later that year, my parents got a letter from her, i got an angel pin, and slowly and cautiously contact was resumed. My grandma had changed. She wasn't perfect, by any means, but enough had changed, then slowly, year by year she changed more, and the grandma i last saw had become a living miracle and testimony to me that people can change, and love can heal and build a bridge.
Love, not time, heals all wounds, pure love, the love of Christ. Ive seen a lot lately of gossip and how it can hurt people. Gossip, in my opinion is talking negatively about someone else with the intent to injure their reputation, to turn others against them, or to get others on your side. It is different than venting, which should be getting feelings out so that you can understand, articulate, and work through problems, mainly with the intent of finding out if your hurts are real, or imagined, and determining the best manner of working through it with the party that caused the injury. Including the best way to talk to the person, without escalating the situation.
I don't believe most of us want to hurt each other, but we often do. Maybe we should remember that when we feel hurt, and maybe we should think, if the person were here would I want them to hear what I'm saying? I think we can do better. I think we can be more honest, more loving, and we can build stronger friendships. No, you don't really want to hurt me, and i don't want to hurt you. But sometimes we do.
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