As this General Conference comes to a close, I am amazed at how every single talk had something for me. Almost every single talk seemed as if it was given just for me. And, when I think back to only four months ago, I think many of the talks I loved the most would have made me possibly a little bit angry.
As I've said a million times, this has been a rough year. I feel like a wise and loving Heavenly Father has allowed me trials I didn't want, to degrees that tested my limits beyond what I thought was possible for me to withstand. At some points I didn't think I could go on, or even live up to the standards I knew God wanted me to live up to.
At those times, there were some tender mercies that came my way, but some of the most tender mercies were a good beating with the humble stick of chastisement, and in some cases what I have come to refer to as God putting me on time out, and grounding me from some of my favorite people. At times I let my anger rage, at times it all seemed so unfair, I asked so many whys. Why when I was trying so hard to do what was right did things just keep getting more and more ridiculous and hard, and unfair?
The months that followed have brought me in a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father than I have ever known. My understanding has been deepened, my faith strengthened, my weaknesses more apparent- which I hope has made me a little more humble. I have learned to ask him for help, and when I do it comes, not always as I want, but always as I need.
Some of the most painful experiences of this year, and of my life are things that I actually wouldn't trade, because I think they have saved me from things that would have been much worse. God needed to get through to me, to communicate his love for me, to help me to learn to trust the promptings of the spirit. It has been a difficult way to learn all this, and at times very painful. But because of how hot that refiners fire was the lessons I learned and the deeper testimony I have gained has been etched more deeply on my soul. The roots of my tree are more firmly planted, and my heart has been softened, and my ears are now ready to listen, and hearken to what I needed to know.
The worst points in this year, I felt so lost and directionless, yet they prepared me to receive and appreciate direction. I still have so much left to learn, but I feel like now I have greater faith and confidence and hope to learn it. I loved this session of conference, because it made the past year make so much sense to me. It renewed my determination to continue on the path and changes I made a month ago at stake conference. I know when I trust God he will make of me what he wants me to be, and it may not make any sense to me what soever, but he will help me to endure, and then he will heal me, and then I have great joy.
I loved the talks to day on marriage and family. Often those talks seem like a sources of pain to me, they make me feel uncomfortable, misfitted, and some what alone and very frustrated, but today they gave me hope, peace, direction, and confidence in the decisions I have made for me and my life, decisions I had questioned just a few months ago.
"ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" the scriptures say. Well, its been some trying months, and at points I feel I just bearly hung on, but today I feel I received the witness that I sought. I feel like I have been given so many places to improve upon, but I've been given the hope, strength and instruction I need to accomplish it.
I am learning to rely on the lord. I am learning just how much he loves me. I love him, I love General Conference, I love the words of the Prophets and Apostles, and like Paul I am learning to "glory in tribulation." I am glad my Heavenly Father loves me enough to let me learn hard things, even when it is painful, and I am glad he sends his servants to deliver healing and strengthening and encouraging words in the midst of life's storms. This conference took a lot of preparation for me to enjoy it to the level I did. It was a long time coming, the preparation that God put me through, but Im gonna say it was worth it, because this weekend I found rest for my soul, and hope in the Atonement, and in the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
As I've said a million times, this has been a rough year. I feel like a wise and loving Heavenly Father has allowed me trials I didn't want, to degrees that tested my limits beyond what I thought was possible for me to withstand. At some points I didn't think I could go on, or even live up to the standards I knew God wanted me to live up to.
At those times, there were some tender mercies that came my way, but some of the most tender mercies were a good beating with the humble stick of chastisement, and in some cases what I have come to refer to as God putting me on time out, and grounding me from some of my favorite people. At times I let my anger rage, at times it all seemed so unfair, I asked so many whys. Why when I was trying so hard to do what was right did things just keep getting more and more ridiculous and hard, and unfair?
The months that followed have brought me in a closer relationship with my Heavenly Father than I have ever known. My understanding has been deepened, my faith strengthened, my weaknesses more apparent- which I hope has made me a little more humble. I have learned to ask him for help, and when I do it comes, not always as I want, but always as I need.
Some of the most painful experiences of this year, and of my life are things that I actually wouldn't trade, because I think they have saved me from things that would have been much worse. God needed to get through to me, to communicate his love for me, to help me to learn to trust the promptings of the spirit. It has been a difficult way to learn all this, and at times very painful. But because of how hot that refiners fire was the lessons I learned and the deeper testimony I have gained has been etched more deeply on my soul. The roots of my tree are more firmly planted, and my heart has been softened, and my ears are now ready to listen, and hearken to what I needed to know.
The worst points in this year, I felt so lost and directionless, yet they prepared me to receive and appreciate direction. I still have so much left to learn, but I feel like now I have greater faith and confidence and hope to learn it. I loved this session of conference, because it made the past year make so much sense to me. It renewed my determination to continue on the path and changes I made a month ago at stake conference. I know when I trust God he will make of me what he wants me to be, and it may not make any sense to me what soever, but he will help me to endure, and then he will heal me, and then I have great joy.
I loved the talks to day on marriage and family. Often those talks seem like a sources of pain to me, they make me feel uncomfortable, misfitted, and some what alone and very frustrated, but today they gave me hope, peace, direction, and confidence in the decisions I have made for me and my life, decisions I had questioned just a few months ago.
"ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith" the scriptures say. Well, its been some trying months, and at points I feel I just bearly hung on, but today I feel I received the witness that I sought. I feel like I have been given so many places to improve upon, but I've been given the hope, strength and instruction I need to accomplish it.
I am learning to rely on the lord. I am learning just how much he loves me. I love him, I love General Conference, I love the words of the Prophets and Apostles, and like Paul I am learning to "glory in tribulation." I am glad my Heavenly Father loves me enough to let me learn hard things, even when it is painful, and I am glad he sends his servants to deliver healing and strengthening and encouraging words in the midst of life's storms. This conference took a lot of preparation for me to enjoy it to the level I did. It was a long time coming, the preparation that God put me through, but Im gonna say it was worth it, because this weekend I found rest for my soul, and hope in the Atonement, and in the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
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