Hello, My name is Mandi, and apparently I am addicted to refined sugars.
Today is my 18th day not eating refined sugars. I am allowing honey, and fruit, and things in my food that I can't completely get around. I mean, I can't make everything myself all the time, that would be exhausting, but as much as is Americanly possible, I am avoiding refined sugars.
This has been an interesting, and extremely difficult 18 days, far more difficult than I ever thought when I started it. I decided on Mardi Gras, probably mid lunch time festivities, that since one of my co-workers was going to try to live healthy and exercise for lent, maybe that would be a good idea and I would join in too. And then I realized, i already eat fairly healthy and exercise pretty much daily, at every opportunity I get. So, that wasn't specific enough. I'm a Mormon, so we don't really do lent, as a religious body. We do monthly 24 hr fasts from all food and drink (including water) so I think that is enough fasting pretty much for anyone.
But, we do believe in being healthy, getting closer to God, and weeding things out of our lives that interfere with either of those two things. So, as I finished yet another snickers bar I had hidden in my drawer at work, I realized something, as my exercise regime had improved over the last year, so had my chocolate/ candy bar/ cake/ doughnut eating. And I didn't like that, that was counter productive. Almost as a sign from God a few friends posted some articles on FB about how bad refined sugar is and how addictive it is, with studies comparing its effects on our brains to crack. My decision was made, I would go without refined sugar for lent, and see what happened. At the end, hopefully I would eat less of it.
I didn't think this was going to be hard. Partly, because I am a Mormon, and I have no idea how long lent actually lasts. I thought I only needed to make it a month, to Saint Patricks day. difficult, I thought, but totally doable. Later I found out lent was 40 days, so like a few weeks longer. Which was fine, because all those articles I read said something about 40 days being a good amount of time to kick the habit and form new ones. Then, yesterday I decided to look it up and discovered I need to make it to the Saturday before Easter Sunday. I broke down and cried a bit, because I didn't think I could do it. I can do it, and I will do it, and I don't plan to go back to eating refined sugar except on special occasions, a decision I made around day 7.
The first few days of this, were a little tough. I kind of wanted my habitual post lunch work time treat. I tried eating fruit, and other things, it was fine, it wasn't completely satisfying but it was fine. I have to walk past Top Pot doughnuts every day to work, so that was a little hard to have that reminder, but I don't like Top Pot, so it was fine. I used to have reoccurring dreams about a field of doughnuts that I could just eat and new ones would pop up as a child. I have always loved doughnuts, and I always will, but Top Pot is my least favorite of all doughnuts ever. Some people like them, they just aren't for me. So I'm glad its Top Pot and not Crispy Cream or that little shop at Pike Place market that I have to walk past every morning.
Any way, by day 3 I started to notice I was angry. A lot. I wanted a doughnut or snickers or something, I wanted it now, and I wanted to punch someone, anyone really, because I had made the choice to not eat doughnuts or Snickers, and I was now feeling angry about that, and also refusing to cave. Also my sense of smell has become highly sensitive to sugary things. Everything smells like sugar, every where, and its all I want, but also what I don't want. I also just started to feel really emotional and moody, and kind of out of control.
By day 7 I started to feel like I was perhaps going crazy. I felt like a drug addict. My eyes felt all dark circle-y and I was tired, and angry and emotional, and I just felt really crappy. Then the headaches started. Oh my the headaches. My co worker told me I looked like I was in severe pain. And I was. I took some Advil, that didn't help. I ate some fruit, that didn't help. I exercised. Making yourself exercise with a blinding headache is not easy to do, but it helped, for about an hour at a time, it made the headache less intense and made me feel almost normal again, with a little rush of adrenaline. Unfortunately I did have to work, so I was limited how often I could exercise, but I tried to walk around and do stuff as much as possible. I also tried to drink more water, because people were telling me that would help, but then I got moody and didn't want to drink the water, and it was an uphill battle. Water helped a little, exercise helped a lot, nothing else seemed to make any difference.
All my friends that have done this before said this would last probably till the end of the second week. and it did. It started to get better on about day 12, and the headache lifted on day 14 like clockwork.
It was at this point, I decided that it wasn't worth it to ever get so attached to sugar again. I will never do this again, I will never have headaches like this again. So I boxed up my sugar, and I'm giving it to a large family. I seriously have a box of white sugar, powdered sugar, and like candy things. I had that much sugar in my house. Its a big box. Anything that has this kind of an effect on a person, anything that is this painful to give up, that doesn't really have any merits of continuing to be used should NEVER be reintroduced to my life. However, there are birthday parties, and retirement parties, and ward parties, and special occasions. I don't want to not be able to enjoy doughnuts ever again, and things like that. I just shouldn't enjoy them regularly. They probably should remain only a special treat. I hope at the end of 40+ days my tastes will have changed enough, that I don't really want them all the time any more, and keeping that special times only thing will be do able. I think it will happen, because I lived in Lithuania and came back to America and found the amount of sugar in things here compared to there absolutely abhorrent and disgusting when I got back, and only very slowly re-Americanized my palate.
Which takes us to this week, and today. Headache is gone, most of the mood swings and anger is gone. (most, i still get pretty moody around 2pm at work, when i normally would have had my treat, but this is now exercise time, so that helps). I also found a few other people that are giving up refined sugar and we have become a support system for each other. Ive picked up a new problem this week though, everything tastes disgusting to me, and food has lost all its joy. I wrote a friend last night, and complained that I missed food making me happy. I didn't mean in an eating your feelings sense, I actually feel pretty happy in general right now, I just mean, that rush you get when you eat something and it makes you feel all excited and you want to eat more of it. Honey and fruit isn't tricking my brain into that feeling, dispute the fact that they are a kind of sugar, which means all those things I read about refined sugar having similar effects on your brain to crack are kind of hitting home. I'm not even sure I want a snickers bar any more, I just want to feel that feeling when you eat one. Last night was a particularly low spot for me, so a friend sent me this clip as encouragement
I want to see this now. because I believe it is accurate, just based off my experience in the past 18 days. Another point this trailer brings up is Fat shaming, and blaming people and their exercise levels, This is a topic for another blog, but I will be blogging it.
Giving up sugar is hard. hard hard. I've given up all sorts of things far easier than this. I once was told by an addiction counselor that I had a "white knuckle" ability like no one he had ever seen before. I am good at toughing things out. He then also had me work through the real issues at the time, so I didn't have to do that. but the point is, Sugar addiction is real, and its hard to give up. I am having a massively hard time. But it can be done, if you do it wisely. Everything I read did not recommend giving it up cold turkey, because most people fail. they recommend gradually doing it. I think I can do this, and get through it, with help from my friends. I don't think I could do gradual, I'm not good at that sort of thing. But as hard as this is, I'm very happy with my decision to make this change, even if it has been very painful and emotional at times. Day 18, not even half way there yet, but I'm finally starting to feel good, and I have hope that I will enjoy food again soon, real food, without processed sugars.
Today is my 18th day not eating refined sugars. I am allowing honey, and fruit, and things in my food that I can't completely get around. I mean, I can't make everything myself all the time, that would be exhausting, but as much as is Americanly possible, I am avoiding refined sugars.
This has been an interesting, and extremely difficult 18 days, far more difficult than I ever thought when I started it. I decided on Mardi Gras, probably mid lunch time festivities, that since one of my co-workers was going to try to live healthy and exercise for lent, maybe that would be a good idea and I would join in too. And then I realized, i already eat fairly healthy and exercise pretty much daily, at every opportunity I get. So, that wasn't specific enough. I'm a Mormon, so we don't really do lent, as a religious body. We do monthly 24 hr fasts from all food and drink (including water) so I think that is enough fasting pretty much for anyone.
But, we do believe in being healthy, getting closer to God, and weeding things out of our lives that interfere with either of those two things. So, as I finished yet another snickers bar I had hidden in my drawer at work, I realized something, as my exercise regime had improved over the last year, so had my chocolate/ candy bar/ cake/ doughnut eating. And I didn't like that, that was counter productive. Almost as a sign from God a few friends posted some articles on FB about how bad refined sugar is and how addictive it is, with studies comparing its effects on our brains to crack. My decision was made, I would go without refined sugar for lent, and see what happened. At the end, hopefully I would eat less of it.
I didn't think this was going to be hard. Partly, because I am a Mormon, and I have no idea how long lent actually lasts. I thought I only needed to make it a month, to Saint Patricks day. difficult, I thought, but totally doable. Later I found out lent was 40 days, so like a few weeks longer. Which was fine, because all those articles I read said something about 40 days being a good amount of time to kick the habit and form new ones. Then, yesterday I decided to look it up and discovered I need to make it to the Saturday before Easter Sunday. I broke down and cried a bit, because I didn't think I could do it. I can do it, and I will do it, and I don't plan to go back to eating refined sugar except on special occasions, a decision I made around day 7.
The first few days of this, were a little tough. I kind of wanted my habitual post lunch work time treat. I tried eating fruit, and other things, it was fine, it wasn't completely satisfying but it was fine. I have to walk past Top Pot doughnuts every day to work, so that was a little hard to have that reminder, but I don't like Top Pot, so it was fine. I used to have reoccurring dreams about a field of doughnuts that I could just eat and new ones would pop up as a child. I have always loved doughnuts, and I always will, but Top Pot is my least favorite of all doughnuts ever. Some people like them, they just aren't for me. So I'm glad its Top Pot and not Crispy Cream or that little shop at Pike Place market that I have to walk past every morning.
Any way, by day 3 I started to notice I was angry. A lot. I wanted a doughnut or snickers or something, I wanted it now, and I wanted to punch someone, anyone really, because I had made the choice to not eat doughnuts or Snickers, and I was now feeling angry about that, and also refusing to cave. Also my sense of smell has become highly sensitive to sugary things. Everything smells like sugar, every where, and its all I want, but also what I don't want. I also just started to feel really emotional and moody, and kind of out of control.
By day 7 I started to feel like I was perhaps going crazy. I felt like a drug addict. My eyes felt all dark circle-y and I was tired, and angry and emotional, and I just felt really crappy. Then the headaches started. Oh my the headaches. My co worker told me I looked like I was in severe pain. And I was. I took some Advil, that didn't help. I ate some fruit, that didn't help. I exercised. Making yourself exercise with a blinding headache is not easy to do, but it helped, for about an hour at a time, it made the headache less intense and made me feel almost normal again, with a little rush of adrenaline. Unfortunately I did have to work, so I was limited how often I could exercise, but I tried to walk around and do stuff as much as possible. I also tried to drink more water, because people were telling me that would help, but then I got moody and didn't want to drink the water, and it was an uphill battle. Water helped a little, exercise helped a lot, nothing else seemed to make any difference.
All my friends that have done this before said this would last probably till the end of the second week. and it did. It started to get better on about day 12, and the headache lifted on day 14 like clockwork.
It was at this point, I decided that it wasn't worth it to ever get so attached to sugar again. I will never do this again, I will never have headaches like this again. So I boxed up my sugar, and I'm giving it to a large family. I seriously have a box of white sugar, powdered sugar, and like candy things. I had that much sugar in my house. Its a big box. Anything that has this kind of an effect on a person, anything that is this painful to give up, that doesn't really have any merits of continuing to be used should NEVER be reintroduced to my life. However, there are birthday parties, and retirement parties, and ward parties, and special occasions. I don't want to not be able to enjoy doughnuts ever again, and things like that. I just shouldn't enjoy them regularly. They probably should remain only a special treat. I hope at the end of 40+ days my tastes will have changed enough, that I don't really want them all the time any more, and keeping that special times only thing will be do able. I think it will happen, because I lived in Lithuania and came back to America and found the amount of sugar in things here compared to there absolutely abhorrent and disgusting when I got back, and only very slowly re-Americanized my palate.
Which takes us to this week, and today. Headache is gone, most of the mood swings and anger is gone. (most, i still get pretty moody around 2pm at work, when i normally would have had my treat, but this is now exercise time, so that helps). I also found a few other people that are giving up refined sugar and we have become a support system for each other. Ive picked up a new problem this week though, everything tastes disgusting to me, and food has lost all its joy. I wrote a friend last night, and complained that I missed food making me happy. I didn't mean in an eating your feelings sense, I actually feel pretty happy in general right now, I just mean, that rush you get when you eat something and it makes you feel all excited and you want to eat more of it. Honey and fruit isn't tricking my brain into that feeling, dispute the fact that they are a kind of sugar, which means all those things I read about refined sugar having similar effects on your brain to crack are kind of hitting home. I'm not even sure I want a snickers bar any more, I just want to feel that feeling when you eat one. Last night was a particularly low spot for me, so a friend sent me this clip as encouragement
I want to see this now. because I believe it is accurate, just based off my experience in the past 18 days. Another point this trailer brings up is Fat shaming, and blaming people and their exercise levels, This is a topic for another blog, but I will be blogging it.
Giving up sugar is hard. hard hard. I've given up all sorts of things far easier than this. I once was told by an addiction counselor that I had a "white knuckle" ability like no one he had ever seen before. I am good at toughing things out. He then also had me work through the real issues at the time, so I didn't have to do that. but the point is, Sugar addiction is real, and its hard to give up. I am having a massively hard time. But it can be done, if you do it wisely. Everything I read did not recommend giving it up cold turkey, because most people fail. they recommend gradually doing it. I think I can do this, and get through it, with help from my friends. I don't think I could do gradual, I'm not good at that sort of thing. But as hard as this is, I'm very happy with my decision to make this change, even if it has been very painful and emotional at times. Day 18, not even half way there yet, but I'm finally starting to feel good, and I have hope that I will enjoy food again soon, real food, without processed sugars.
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