Beautiful: Celebrating Our Daughters

As I said a few months ago, with everything going on, I will be having My friend Melissa Malcolm guest blog.  Melissa Malcolm is queer woman of color who has been sharing her experiences of homophobia and racism throughout social media.  Last time she shared some thoughts  in an article called "Please Don't Justify the Hate"    This time she will share her thoughts an experience about body shaming and race issues.  Please enjoy.

                                 Beautiful : Celebrating our Daughters

                                                              By MELISSA MALCOLM

I was food shopping several weeks and ago I noticed a little girl about 4 or 5 look up at me and point to my hair in excitement.

“Look !! the girl exclaimed her hair is like mine !.” Our eyes locked for a moment and happiness spread from her face to mine and  back again.  Her hair was LIKE mine. Curly ,out and beautiful.

     The moment was suddenly interrupted  by a large gasp. Her grandmother leaned over half whispering  “thats not nice..... don’t say that ........ wild hair is not good , her  hair is just

all over the place.........”. I  forced a smile on my face as I kindly told the little girl how beautiful her hair was and tried to strike up a conversation with grandma.

    I noticed that the little girls eyes were no longer shining bright and her smile was replaced by a sudden heavy  shame that I could feel.  We talked a politely for a few minutes but I could see

the Grandmothers embarrassment only growing as she took her granddaughter by the hand and they

slipped down the next isle. I could seen the pain in this child eyes which pierced my soul.  I wanted  nothing more to run over give her a hug and say your hair is beautiful...You are Beautiful.

    I have carried this experience around for sometime and decided

I would use this situation for the positive. I want to celebrate our young girls of color and I am asking it to start with you .  Read on for ways to help our  precious ones cultivate self -love and acceptance.

                         H. A .I. R.

Honor :

-Teach young girls from an early age that are to honored for who they are and what they want to accomplish in this life. 

- Emphasize her personal characteristics when describing her to other people. She will learn that who she is more than her hair or her body.

- Reinforce that what she looks like is beautiful its natural form. Curly hair is just as beautiful as straight hair, an Afro is not less than a straight ponytail. How she and you decide to rock it should be honored by you and the family.

-Have her learn about other women of color and their contributions to society including those in the beauty and fashion industries.

Abolish:

-Negative thinking about your hair as she will pick up on this and begin to do the same

- That notion that she must have a certain hairstyle to fit in with peers

-  Feeling obligated to go out buy the most expensive products or hair pieces to appease her need to for acceptance. Let it start within first !

- How you view people of different skin shades : We have all heard the jokes about “redbones” or “so dark that they have to smile to be seen”. The words we use send a message about what is acceptable and what is not.

Insist :

-That people not talk about your child's person or hair as if it strange and out of the ordinary. It is OK for people to ask questions but it is not OK for people to touch and browse without asking. It is not OK for people to gawk and say insensitive comments such as “can you get a comb through that”

- That your child's school understand that she is not trying to be a rebel when she wants to wear Nubian knots or Afro puffs.   That it is NOT EVER OK for children to mock or tease someone because of their hair .  It  NOT EVER OK for the children who is being bullied to have change themselves to appease the bully.

- That she learn how to style , braid and adorn her own hair as she

gets older so that she can find pride in taking care of herself and understanding her own hair texture.

Remember

- Supply her with Mass Media , Dolls , and images of women from all

over the world doing great things. Let her see that beauty comes in

all shapes,sizes , colors and  from every continent on the earth.

- You and the other “elders” of the family are her first role models

and she will look at your bar for beauty standards and

self-acceptance.  If you want her bar to be raised high , then you

must raise yours first.

- Have continued discussions about this issues of race ,self -love

and personal acceptance .When she comes to you about stories of rejection or hurt ,make sure to make a learning experience.  Take time to help her build skills to deal with situations that may arise.

- If you are a parent that is a not a person of color ,it is still OK to talk to your daughter about these issues. If there is something that

you can’t answer , be honest and tell her you don’t know but you will work on finding the answer.

 If she is old enough , then she can help you. After all,we all here  to learn from each other .

As we work on loving our daughters and help them to love themselves,

we will create a powerful society of  teachers, leaders, an trailblazers.  It is more than just the Hair, “The  here and now “or the “here we go” moments of life.

 It is about raising up and saying we are not going anywhere.  It is saying to society you may try to erase us , but we  will not disappear... It is saying we are HERE.

*Note from Mandi:  I had no idea what this "redbones" term means, so

I asked Melissa.  She said  "redbones" is

" a degrotory word used to descirbe a person of color who is fair.

It refers to the fact that you can easily see under the skin"

Also, here is a link to what Urban dictonary has to say on the term http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=redbone