Why I have "G&N's" not "besties"

Those of you who know me well, know that nothing quite grates on my ears like finger nails on a chalk board more than the word "besties" look at it!! its one letter away from being "beasties" you want to call your best friends something that can so easily be turned into an insult!!! yuck!! what kind of friend are you? the kind that can very easily transition to a frienemy!!! that is why I ask my friends to use G&N. I use it for them too. its a wonderful phrase. G&N comes from Abraham 3: 22-23. 22 "Now the Lord had shown unto me, Abraham, the intelligences that were organized before the world was; and among all these there were many of the noble and great ones;

23 And God saw these souls that they were good, and he stood in the midst of them, and he said: These I will make my rulers; for he stood among those that were spirits, and he saw that they were good; and he said unto me: Abraham, thou art one of them; thou wast chosen before thou wast born."

I read this one day, and I realized something, first, best friend, besty - these are all very exclusive and limiting terms. But Noble and Great ones, wow there is a limitless number of Noble and Great friends you can have. God had noble and great ones, so i figured, why can't I. My friends that I know are most loyal, are most uplifting, they are all noble and great ones, and anyone can rise to that position by be noble and great.

Now, you may ask, if G&N means noble and great ones, why did you switch the N&G, shouldn't it be N&G. well, it was for about 30 seconds, then I said it wrong and realized i made a cockney rhyming pattern and went with it. a cockney rhyming thing is like something they do in parts of England, where they take words that rhyme with the words they sound like and use them as a replacement. a few examples : Dog and bone = phone. Adam and Eve=Believe, Bacon and Egg=Legs ex. She has such long bacons. look it up. there are some fun phrases that come of this.

so mine Noble and Great, i want to equal friends, but that doesn't rhyme. but If i flip it around Great and Noble, and then abbreviate to the first letters, G&N = friend. ok the d messes it up a little, but close enough. So if i ever call you my G&N, now you will know what it means, and know that it means we are tight. so peace and love to all my G&N's . i love you guys =)

Growing up at Olympic Village

Today I went and paid my last rent check at Olympic Village apartments. I am now in my 21st month living in the same place, my longest residence since I left for college over a decade ago in 2000. I was remembering today when I decided to move here from Vashon Island. My parents were in town visiting, so I took them with me on my search for a place to live. We looked at some houses in Bremerton, and at these appartments. It was outside my ward boundries, and I didn't want to do that, but it seemed like the best deal, and the best place for me. There was a 89 camery parked right next to a 2007 HHR and my dad took that as a sign, as those were my curent and soon to be current cars. Also the name Olympic Village, I was moving here partly to be able to skate more, and growing up I have always had a passion for the Olympic games. Becasue of this and other reasons, I moved here, and a few months later, switched Wards and Stakes to match where I lived. Little did I know that this choice would infact change my life. In this ward, living in this complex, I met people, friends that helped guide me out of the post-mission wandering and darkness I had fallen into. One year after I moved in here I met friends and people that have impacted my life so much, I shall never forget them. I have become the greatest version of me to date, from a two years ago, probably one of the worst versions of me. I am now at another cross roads. I am moving out, I will stay in the area, but I dont know where exactly I am moving to, but I have changed. For the first time in my life, change does not scare me, the future brings me no sense of fear. I know the true friendships I have formed here are eternal and I do not fear to loose them, I wont. I am ready for the next great phase of my life, and the work that is in front of me, and as I prepare to say goodbye to Olympic Village, I am greatful that I was able to grow up quite a bit here, and finaly realize what is truly important in life, and what is not. What makes me happy, and what never will. Wherever I go from here, I go on to greater things, I have much more to learn, and I am excited to learn it.

inspiration, creative food, and seeing Gods hand in your daily life

So my time being sick has given me alot of time to reflect and realize all that I am grateful for, it has also allowed me to see the hand of God in my life, and to see how the lord takes care of people who put faith in him. Sunday I was not feeling great still. I made it thru three hours of church, and a little more. I came home and colapsed on my bed. starving, but with no strength to cook, all I wanted was some soup. I felt I should ask for a blessing, and while I was at it, I did something I usually don't do, and let someone know I needed help and some one to help with dinner. Two Melchezedick priesthood holders arrived and gave me a blessing, which was very personal and helpful and unique. and my roommate showed up with her fiancee who was one of the two blessing givers and made me soup. throughout this week I have had meals magically appear for me at work from various sources and I have been well taken care of. I am almost better now. but Still struggling finacially a bit. Sunday In an act of faith I paid my tything,and it was hard to do, but I knew if i did I would be taken care of. and for that I atribute to all these blessings.I've also had numerous voluntiers to let nick and I stay at their place in august while I work out my housing/ roommate issues. I will have multiple couches to sleep on, and possibly a bed, I feel well cared for and that all happend in the past week. the lord wasn't lying when he said in malachi 3 "" 10 Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it.

11 And I will rebuke the devourer for your sakes, and he shall not destroy the fruits of your ground; neither shall your vine cast her fruit before the time in the field, saith the Lord of hosts." True that folks. what it means to me right now is have faith, keep the commandments, trust God, pay an honnest tythe and "prove me here with" if the lord will not open the windows of heaven and send people to take care of you, and bring you food and help you find places to stay, and make sure you dont die from your illness. thats what i know to be true.

Why people are amazing, awesome, and far better than they are given credit for

So, Since like wednesday afternoonish, I have been massively ill with the flu. Though no one enjoys being sick, and I have done my fair share of whining, I think God allowed me this opportunity, so that I could see how many truly wonderful friends I have surrounding me, ready in an instant to drop everything and walk my dog, or make me soup, or bring me movies, or just check in to see what more they could do to help me.
I live about one thousand miles away from my family. My closest relative lives about an hour and a half, probably two hours away. So When I need help, there is not much my family can do for me. Its just me and my dog for the most part. But, I have been blessed to be surrounded by some of the most wonderful friends anyone could have on the planet, and until this week I dont think I realized how many people cared about me and were willing to help me, if I just ask for the help.
I am a bit of a stubborn and fiercly independant sort of person. I have always prided myself on being able to take care of myself and provided for myself. In the past weeks I have had more unexpected fees, emergencies, and vet bills than anyone could ever imagine or plan and prepare for on my income, and then on top of it to get sick and not really be able to take care of myself and my needs, it has been so humbling, but it has taught me that people are good for the most part, and friends do have your back when you need them. Most of all it has taught me that God does here and answer our prayers, but usually it is through the acts of kindness of others. He does this so that everyone can be blessed, those giving service and those reciving it. And, so that if our hearts are open, he can teach us something new, and show his love for us. He truly is our Heavenly Father, and just like any father, he wants to bless us in ways that will allow us to grow, because in growing we find true joy. Its been a difficult week, and a dificult month, but like paul I "glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us". Rom. 5: 3-5. May God be with you each, and may warm hearts of friends and family always be near you. Love, Mandi

The Flu Marches On

Day 2 of being home, Day 3 of being sick. I am stuck in a parallel deminsion. There is no sign of the Doctor. The only inhabitants are a small white and brown creature that somewhat resembles a dog. He spends most of his time sleeping, because I will not go play with him, because, well, I cant. In this waste land there are piles of herbal tea bags, cups of gingerale and other beverages, crackers, blankets and movies, as well as the occasional roll of toilet paper. I ache everywhere, and my throat feels like I swallowed a bowling ball (ok i am borrowing that from Brielle, but its true). The sun is shinning and it is a beautiful day, I wish for nothing more than to be able to go out side and play in it, but I feel too weak to even attempt, So i will continue to lay here, drinking my warm beverages that are soothing on my throat, and watching really old movies on netflix no one has ever heard of. I had planned to go to work this morining, I really wanted to, so i could save my leave for something fun like sky diving or hiking, but I couldn't budge this morning, so here i am, watching a 1970's supper cheese sports movie called coach, and looking longingly at the sun out my window. there is a really fun ward activity tonight, that I desperately want to go to, but even if i do, i wont be doing anything fun, and I will just be endangering others. Not that it matters at this point, alot of my friends are already starting similar symptoms- he he funny thing about the flu- its always "going viral" well as long as I feel ok tomorrow so I can go to the temple and sci fi museum, and hopefully the production my friend is in - Savior of the world. I am pretty sure skating is off the table, which is a shame, because the rink will be closed for two weeks. well, enough whining, time to go explore this planet a bit more. If you see a blue phone box, look for The Doctor, and send him my way. I am sure he could fix this, or at least make it more interesting. ha ha. peace out y'all

ARGH!!! I hate being sick!!!

So, my original plans for today were to go to work, leave a few hours early, and go on a hike with one of my favorite people in the world. Well, she had a dentist appointment and didn't think it would be ok to drive and hike after getting Nitrous Oxide. phss, what a wimp!!! ha ha, no actually I agreed with her, so I asked another good friend and avid hiker if he wanted to go, and he was on board. Then yesterday I woke up with a sore throat that steadily go worse and added a fever and body aches. I thought I'd just go home and sleep it off, so I skipped activity night last night (like I could have played soccer in that state any way!! but you know i would have tried.) and woke up this morning feeling even WORSE!!! yuck!!! so I called in this morning, and have been trying to sleep it off in hopes i could still pull off the hike, but I can tell you right now, That is not going to happen. so next week, I will try to go with my friend who had to go to the dentist. maybe it will all work out for the best in the end. I also did something kinda crazy for me yesterday, and I wrote a message to a guy I liked and told him how I really feel. well that's scary and not something I usually do, but He wrote back, and just wants to be friends. I feel really sick, so that sounds fine to me. So I guess sometimes being sick can be a blessing, its raining outside anyway, so maybe next week i will get a hike in the sun.

Why I love awkward YSA dances...

So last night I went to a regional church Young Single Adult dance. It took place in an airport hanger, which, i have to admit is supper cool!! but as I walked about looking at my friends and strangers from all over western Washington, there were a few things that made me chuckle and flinch at the same time. The first thing, that i think is supper awkward is the circle. For some reason, everyone likes to form little circles to dance in all over the floor. this does not make meeting new people very easy, and it makes dancing super awkward because everyone is watching everyone else in the group. The biggest thing i notice though, was the amount of just flat out wacky dancing that goes on. in order to get attention and to have fun. well, it was sweaty and smelly with all those people in circles, and the circles kept bumping into each other, and brave or stupid people would go to the center to dance in them, and not usually dance well. i felt slightly awkward about it. then someone told me i was a great dancer, and i just had to think, do they mean I actually am, or do they mean what i sometimes mean when i say that to people at dances like this- you are really super brave to come out in public and dance like that. ha ha! there were a lot of awkward conversations with strangers for my friends that got super too personal as well. I love these dances, because they provide so much entertainment and things to think about, but I hate dancing at them, because the music isn't usually concussive to good dancing, except line dances. gotta love those. =) can't wait for the next one. well, maybe I can. ALSO- there was a man there that could be a double for Edward Cullen, except he wasn't sparkly

Pain, The Great Instructor

Saturday morning, that means get up early and get your butt on the ice!! well, for me any way. So dispite the fact that i fell asleep sometime between twelve thirty and two- i have no idea when i actually fell asleep- I got up this morning at six thirty and dragged my self to the rink again. I did it for the love of Axels, but I didn't get to do an Axel today, but I had fun any way.
I did all sorts of warm up moves for the Axel. Outi added a new one. she has been having me do a two footed sort of a 180 hop on a circle, I guess today I was jumping high enough she let me do 360s.it was fun, like my roller blading days again. Apparently though she normally wouldn't let me do that on the ice unless she had seen me do it off ice, but I had built enough confidence in her in my abilities to safely perform this task that she let me. she even said i could do it next week when she is not there as long as i warm it up off ice first. normally that is a no. However, and this is the first time in my life I have reached a level to be told this, I am not to even attempt the Axel if she is not there. Well, obviously, I haven't done the Axel off harness yet, so there is no way I would have even considered doing that!!! but someday I will be there. So any way, we did that, and some back spins and then we were possibly going to do the Axel.
Now, here comes into play the title, Pain, The Great Instructor. My arms were being crazy and above my head as usual today, so Outi decided to strap on me what are called "Champion Cords" they are basically thin bungie cords with a carabener attached at the bottom and a loop to put around your hands. you carabener the cord which is wraped around your skate (through the between boot and blade part) and then you strap the loop on your hands. what this does, is forces you to know where your arms are because it creates tension. i had to skate laps like this, and it wasn't a big deal at first, but then my shoulders started to burn. We took them off, and voila!! my arms were less stupid, and more in position. can't accomplish that without a little pain. later on, pain instructed me again. we never got to the axel, because I tried to Hockey stop without turning side ways. This is called falling on your butt, Hard. but the worst part, I didn't tuck my arms, so i landed on my hand funny and luckily just bruised it. I got to spend the rest of the session doing sit spins because of that. so Pain taught me today- put your arms in the correct place or you are getting the cord young lady!! as well as, turn your skate blades side ways when you are trying to stop, and tuck your arms when you fall moron!! Yay for learning!! I love skating. Rock on!!

a poem, kind of. sometimes

sometimes Im so awesome
my own power stuns me
some times I feel so backwards
and socially uneasy
Sometimes i feel courage
and sometimes fear

sometimes i miss you
and wish you were near
sometimes i long for someone
i've never met
I hope I meet you,
with no regrets

Sometimes i dont know
what to do with my life
to pay the bills
to become someones wife
to be a mother
or to be something tight
like a secret agent
a translator
or someone who flys.

sometimes i dont know
how to talk to people,
how to help, how to reach them
or show them i care.
to teach them i love them
and teach them to dare.

sometimes i care so much
i have to leave,
like when you had a bad day,
I drew on my sleave
a super hero drawing, gave you a hug
and ran away,
as quick as a bug

sometime i'll learn to be the best me
for now i must struggle between my extreems
glad people love me for just who i am
they help me to grow, but they understand
and because of that,
Sometimes I am so awesome.

the last five seconds of 'charlie the unicorn' ruined me for the day!

so, you wouldn't think a stupid little funny cartoon about a unicorn could have any sort of lasting impact on a persons mood for the day, but it did mine! So, if you haven't seen charlie the unicorn, well go to youtube and watch it to form your own opinion, but most people either think its hilarious, or too weird. Well, i think its hilarious, until the last five seconds or so when charlie goes into the cave, and then i get sad, and then i get really mad and wish those cartoon unicorns were real so i could beat them up. I think its the injustice of it all that makes me angry. You take an innocent sleeping unicorn, pester him awake. Take him on an adventure he doesn't want to go on, mock his lack of belief in a candy mountain- to this point it is funny, because i always believe the annoying ones will get what is coming to then. But no, its just poor charlie. What did he ever do to them to deserve being tricked into a cave, beat up and his kidney stolen! How is that possibly funny. Beat up the two annoying ones, that would be hilarious. Just sayin'. stupid unicorns. Other than that, it is really funny though.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CsGYh8AacgY

starving in seattle

so, this one is going to be something quite personal, that I probably normally would not share on a blog, but I feel I should.
So earlier this week I decided I needed to do a special fast, and that I ought to actually do a full twenty four hour fast. I'll be honest, i don't think I have actually made it a full twenty four hours of fasting since my mission- over five years ago, but i wanted to show God that the issue at hand was indeed important to me, and also that I would put my faith and trust in him do the matter. I'll be honest, at times I barely made it through not caving in. I had FHE treats, i had grocery shopping to do, i had to pre-cook dessert for my date, and lunch for work when i would end my fast the next afternoon at one, and all sorts of temptations.
I listened to elder oaks talk on desire, from this last general conference. That gave me some strength and answers. the next day continuing was much easier in the morning. I was so happy i was going to do it. I had will power enough to sacrifice for something i really wanted. I lost that for a few years, it felt good to have that back. With one hour to go I headed out to use most of my lunch break for shopping for some new work clothes.
That is when God taught me a very important lesson on compassion. You see working in down town Seattle, everyday on my way too and from work, on my lunch break, I pass about fifty homeless, jobless beggars every day. I see a lot of them over and over again. And yesterday I learned Seattle is the last place I would want to be if I were hungry- even if its intentionally. As soon as i set out on my walk I was overwhelmed with the most amazingly wonderful food smells everywhere. You can ask my old mission companions, but when I am hungry I get mean. At one point I almost lost focus and was going to deck someone and steal their sandwich and run for it. But thankfully I did not. I made it the twenty four hours, then ate my lunch, and a bit more.
I loved the experience. I learned s much from it. In the doctrine and covenants it says 'verily,verily, I say unto you this is fasting and prayer, or rejoicing and prayer'. For me that fast truly became a day of rejoicing, for my original purpose as well as my gratitude for the food I have to eat daily.

A letter from France, means its a good day =)

Chers Amis
In the day of Facebook, E-mail, mobile phones and blogs, occasionally its nice to get a hand writen, or even a typed letter, especially if it comes from an old friend in France, and her cute boyfriend with very broken English.
About 4 months ago one of my good friends reminded me of how wonderful it is to receive a hand written letter by posting her sentiments on Facebook, and offering to hand write each of us a letter if we gave her our address. I love getting non-bills in the mail, so I not only gave her my address, I walked right up to her the next day and gave her a self-addressed stamped envelop. ( Yes, I wanted a letter that bad!) Well, months went by, and I never got my letter from her. We didn't talk for a few months and I was certain she had forgot the whole thing. Then we went on a road trip together, and one of the first things she did was come up to me and let me know she had indeed written me a letter, and even had at one point had it ready for sending, then it got water spilled on it, and that was the end of the letter. Sad day, but I was greatful to her that she remembered and took the time to tell me, and that she took the time to write, even if I never actually got it.
At the same time that I had given her an envelope, I thought of a lot of my dearest friends, and I determined I would write them letters as well. I got about three of ten of those letters actually sent out (sorry everyone else- i spilled water on them. (true story, i still have the envelopes and stuff, but its smudgy and i haven't made a start again. But of the two or three that went out I have now heard back from two. The first one, a mission companion in new mexico, sent me a package back with Eastern European candy that came perfectly timed to cheer me up on a bad day =) (thanks katy!!! you rock!!). The second came today, from France, From Laetita my old friend and foreign exchange student. she has e-mail that she uses rarely, and no facebook, so it was truly a treat. And, she made her boyfriend write me too!! I am so happy to hear from them, and to see Laetita's writing, and Cedrics typed and fun to read English. It makes my heart rejoice. So I will attempt again at the rest of those letters, and I encourage you all to do the same. Pick one friend, hand write them a letter, and try not to spill water on it!!!
Gross Bisou,
X0X0 Mandi =)

Why I don't like baths!! ew!!

So, I have found on occasion that I am talking to a stressed out friend and they can think of nothing better in the world to help them relax than going home and taking a nice warm bath. I have never understood this. I am an avid shower er. I hate baths. maybe its the germaphobe inside of me, i don't know, but i don't see how sitting in a pool of water with the very dirt that would come off your body could be in any way relaxing and not just disgusting. I feel the same way about hand washing dishes. I want to conserve water where possible, but these are two areas where my disgust at germs and dirt overcomes the rational and conservationist portion of my brain. Maybe I could enjoy a bath sometime, but first i would have to take a show to make sure i didn't get any extra dirt in the bath water, and I would have to probably scrub down the tub fist to make sure it was supper clean. I am the kind of person that wears shower shoes in my own shower- that I do clean frequently- because I don't want to touch the tub. If i wash dishes by hand, then i like to turn on a little water and shower them in reality, as opposed to bathing my dishes in their own filth. i know the soap and warm water will still get them clean, but I don't know it just doesn't gel with me to set dirty dishes in water and then proceed to try to clean them using that water. Maybe I am being a bit weird on this, but well, you've all at least learned something new about me. just don't ever expect me to join you in your love of baths. SHOWERS FOREVER YO!!!

Axels, Awesomeness, and Falling On My Ice

So every Saturday, I wake up at 6:30 am (well, I'll be honest, when I am finished with the snooze its seven) and drag my tired bottom to the ice skating rink ten minutes away. I start out every single time wondering why I am even awake, and why i even want to do this. I pull out my skates and remove the soakers (they are the cute soft fuzzy things skaters put on their skates so that the moisture on the blade gets soaked up and doesn't cause a rust/mold problem for the blade/boot. Mine have butterflies on them). Then i take my cold feet and try to shove them into a foot molded tight cold skating boot. it never feels pleasant, because you should really warm up the skate a bit first before you put your foot in. then i start lacing up my skates. it usually takes me a bit to get the tongue in the right place, and my foot in the perfect spot it has to be in- because the skate was molded to my foot. then trying to get the laces tight enough, well it never happens on the first go, because when the boot does get warmed up by my feet, then i have to retie them tighter any way. So now I have managed to get my skates laced up, I grab a head band, my skating jacket, gloves- one grey, one pink, so I can tell right from left, and my water bottle and then i head out to the ice- usually about 5 minutes late (sorry Outi!!).
Outi is my coach. She is supper awesome and from Finland. Sometimes she coaches me partly in Finnish. Today I learned the word for pink, and then I forgot it, so i can't tell you, sorry. I get out on the ice ( I love the smell of the ice, cold and crisp and refreshing- starts to wake me up) and do a quick warm up, edges, edge pulls, cross overs, cross strokes (pretty boring and i am a bit grumbley to this point), and then I start my favorite- jump ladders =). I love Jumping it is the best thing in the world. Jump ladders are basically starting out with the easiest jump you know (a waltz jump for me) and then working your way up to the hardest (so far a Lutz). Outi is trying to teach me an Axel (a 540 taken off and landed on one foot for those who don't know what that is), so when I finish my single jumps I start doing a jump combo ladder. Basically that means i do all the jumps again, but as soon as i land each of them i instantly spring back up like a bouncy ball and add on another jump, in this instance the loop (a loop is a jump where you take off from back wards on one foot and just sort of hop into the air and turn, difficult but loads of fun). When I finish that, i start working on a back spin and some other foot work things to help me with my Axel.
My goal in skating for the past 18 years has been to learn and get the Axel jump. 18 years!!! holy cow!! I have a lot of determination to eventually finish goals when I make them, but sometimes it takes a ridiculous amount of time. any way, so today Outi had me do a Flip-Loop (jump combination, too difficult to explain. maybe i will add some video) and i was going pretty big, but i kept getting too far back on my landing for the Flip. I fell hard on my butt, i fell correctly, but it hurts to sit now. I did eventually get the Flip-Loop, then I did a Lutz-Loop almost perfect on the second go, so we moved over to the harness to begin our Axel work. A harness is basically a pulley system so my coach can set me down when I do my Axel wrong and I don't have to hurt myself falling. its like training wheels for figure skaters learning jumps. Doesn't really work for spins, which is a shame because i am a bad spinner.
Any way, I started working on my Axel, and it was AWESOMENESS to the max!!! I was jumping so high, and it felt more like flying than any other jump I have ever learned. (that is why i love to jump, its like flying!!!) I still need the harness one more week before i loose the training wheels, but i am quite certain this will be my favorite jump when I get it!! my arms are still being funny, and sometimes my foot, but Outi is so good to force me to get the technique right that its going to be amazing. When I finally get it, and get off the harness, I hope all my friends will join me at the rink some morning to watch me do an Axel- the coolest single jump in figure skating, and a result of 18 years of hard work and early mornings for me.
watch this video on basic figure skating jumps, it will make more sense.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbfRRXHqLm8&feature=relmfu
Axel: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mFGLGFv8Mu0
Flip jump: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Zb8C7lnYVk
Lutz:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UNmTZlo0tc8&feature=fvwrel
Flip/Loop combination: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nw-6nAE93c

Change, Fear, Faith, and Greatness

So, I haven't written for such a very very long time that I have changed almost completely. I mean, not in the basics of my personality etc, but some how i have become more and better. I am working on my Axel in skating, much advanced from about 9 months ago. I am now in the Relief Society Presidency in my ward, and I have gained some new very dear friends in that time. Its because of these changes and so many more that I had to have a thinking moment this morning. In the past two months I have grown so much spiritually and God has kept raising the bar on me. A lot of these changes came about because of good friends. and in the past few weeks a lot of changes have also happened with those friends, a test really that showed the friendship was a true friendship, and stronger than ever, because now i see less of that friend, but yet I think we are closer. also there was a man i met a few weeks back, who changed my view on things again. he made me think today too!! he is also amazing, but also very far away right now. two wonderful weeks, then he was back home to New York. I miss his awesomeness very much. I don't know what will happen in the future, but I would bet we will be good friends from here on out. some people are like that, you can come to know and trust them very quickly, most are not. so that leads me to today's thought, the most important part of this. i will write it exactly as I did this morning: We are more afraid of how great we can be than that we are nothing; more afraid to be truly loved, than rejected; More afraid of true friends, than of fake ones; More afraid of what we can do and handle, than what we can't. We don't want to see what we can do and be, have and love because it comes at a higher greater cost. True friends, true love, true greatness comes as a great and wonderful gift, but at the cost of greater responsibility, sacrifice, faith, trust, and duty. To love someone enough to be willing to die for them, is also to love them enough to be willing to live for them, which may actually be more difficult. To truly care means to know you will feel and share as much pain as you do joy that isn't your own or about you. To know you are great and capable is to know you have no excuse for not doing all you can and should, and to be left with out an excuse is scary. To know you are great and loved, and to love, is to know that you MUST give your ALL, no matter the cost, or stand as if naked before God and face the consequence of not doing what you could, when He gave you everything you needed to accomplish all he asked of you.

election day

happy election day to all! So today is the day, that as us citizens who haven't forfit the right, and who are of age, get to have a chance to express how we want our country to be directed. It may seem to some that it is pointless, and washington will do what it wants any way, but my mom taught me, if you don't vote you don't have the privilage of complaining when reps don't keep their word. Now, i believe it does make a difference to vote, and that one ought to do so prayerfully and inteligently. But even if you don't believe in voting do it any way or don't complain. I am most glad to see this campaign season come to an end. I am sick of relentless negative and childish campain ads, pestering picketing sign holder's, and unexpected canadits turning up with news cameras to shake my hand as i stumble half asleep off the early morning ferry commute. It was nice to see that my elected official is about my hight, as we all know that that is a very important quality. However, i voted by mail- as we do here in washington state- two weeks ago, and i no longer care at this point who shakes my hand, as i can't vote for you now any way as they don't let you change your vote if you already mailed it in. So you should have caught me two weeks ago, and let me have peace this morning in my semi comatose state. Any way, i must add that one of the things i really prefere to living in washington state, over utah, is that all registered voters get their ballots by mail, and i don't have to wait in the long pulling lines. However, the draw back on that is, it seems to me it would be way more likely to have voter fraud this way. So good job utah for being less lazy so that i have more faith in my vote counting. Also- those i voted stickers were awesome. We don't get those here, so i guess i will have to be my facebook status, but i should have done that two weeks ago when i voted i suppose. Any way- go vote! If you don't i don't want to hear you complain about politics, because yo didn't speakup at the appropriate time. Happy voting to all and to all a good election night.

updates, and ferry commutes

so, I am still working hard to make it to Salt Lake for Nationals in April, but first I have to pass my bronze free skate. I had a few injuries that held me back, but now i am going to hit it hard. I need to get my spins, especially my backspin and then we are there.
also I am getting really frustrated with my 2 hrs of commuting everyday, becasue i cant practice as much as i would like. Today was our skaing club hallowen party, so i left two and a half hours early so that i could skate for really- half an hour. but i also played off ice and had a blast. it was a great way to wind things down.
Yesterday I did a 20 min Jackie Warner Core excercise video to help me so i can center my spins better. That woman brings pain!!!! but hopefully results. i am going to try to update this weekly from now on, so hopefully someone follows.
peace out- mandi

a skating up date

So while i am here updating my life, I will also update skating. In July I won a gold medal at the Washington State Games/ Pacific Northwest Interclub Championships, for the adult pre-bronze level. I took a month off for my brothers wedding, and discovered I sprained some ligaments in my ankle. I was cleared to train "gently" so I am. I am now working on preparing to pass my bronze test in November, so that I can qualify for Adult Nationals in Salt Lake City in April, I will do this at Pacific sectionals in Las Vegas in Febuary. will keep you posted.

Freinds lost, Friends found

Jessica Wilson
Kim and me


So yesterday was a wake up call for me. First of all I either have food poisoning or the stomach flu, so I feel really great, but I decided to tough it out and go to work. My mom called me soon after I got there to tell me that she had heard something on the radio about a girl my age dying in an auto pedestrian accident in provo. The reason she was calling me, was she thought maybe I knew the girl, because they said she had a friend with her from Estonia, so there is a chance she had served in my mission. She told me her name was Jessica Wilson.

Now, there were two sister Wilsons in my mission, and i knew and love them both, but as missionaries we didn't often use first names, so it took sometime for me to be able to figure out which sister Wilson it was- Wal-mart wilson, or MTC wilson. one i worked with at wal-mart in logan, before my mission, the other was in the Missionary Training Center with me. Well in seconds i figured out it was Wal-mart Wilson because the other ones name is rachel, and she is now married so it wouldnt have been Wilson- duh.

The next problem was that we had no comfirmation that this was actually my Jessica wilson. Jessica and Wilson are common names. Estonian friends, are not common, but it is possibly that there is another Jessica Wilson in Utah that has friends in Estonia. So I started texting the few companions that I had in my phone, Hopeing desperatly someone could confirm or deny this becasue otherwise I wouldn't be able to concentrate on work. No one knew anything. I have restricted internet access, so I can't access facebook, or yahoo or anything like that at work. but I can look at news, and I lucked out and found the news article, Sadly, confirming the death of my friend.

Well, its not fun to find out your friend has died, but its better than wondering. The thing is, with the knowledge we have of the plan of salvation, we are sad but not hopeless when a friend dies. so its a shocked confused reaction. I remembered little things of my time I had to spend with Jessica. There were a lot of little days, no major memories. I remember working in the logan supper wal-mart with her. She was my red coat person CSM or something like that- its been like 6 years, so its hard to remember.

Its meaningful now, because that was the year before i left on my mission, so it must have been right before she left too, because she got out there like six months before me, but i quit wal-mart like 8 months before i left, before i was even thinking about leaving, so i lost touch, becasue we were just co-workers. and we didn't interact a whole lot, but i remember she was the nicest CSM in the place, and i wasn't intimidated by her, and i loved working with her more than anyone else when i was a cashier. but i didn't stay a cashier- i moved to clothing- so thats another reason i didn't see her as much.

at any rate, i dont remember hearing about her going on a mission or getting a call, and i probably wouldn't have though more than - oh thats cool, at that point in my life. But God blessed me with a few more cool opportunities to get to know that angel of a Woman.

it was really a year later that I saw jessica next. I got my call to the Baltic mission, and reported to the MTC on aug 11, 2004 to learn the lithuanian language. there were 4 languages in my mission - Lithuanian, Latvian, Estonian, and Russian. I was there for 2 months, and then i was off to the Baltics. the mission home was in Riga, Latvia, so we flew into Riga. I was tired and sick by the time we got there. I hadn't slept for the first 24 hrs of our journy from the MTC, and i only slept from germany to riga, which for some reason made me have to vomit when i got off the plane in riga. That is the first memory i have of Riga, finding a plant to puke in becasue all the bathrooms were full.

I am not getting of subject, just wanted to set up, that comming into the mission home i felt like crap, and it was a strange new country with Babuskas sweeping the streets with witches brooms, and other such things i had never seen. it was fall, and it was freezing cold even compared to utah. I knew only the people I came with, and had no idea what to expect. Then they took us to the mission home to meet the trainers. didn't tell us who we would get yet, but it was nice because i walked in, an who should I see, but good ol Jessica from Wal-mart!!!! talk about tender mercies of the Lord. I was so excited to see someone familiar, it made all the difference in the world. we had a good catch up. Found out she was russian speaking, so i probably wouldn't see much of her, but still that friendly kind voice made all the difference to a scared Greenie.

I saw Jessica periodically thruought my mission, but not much. Sisters conference, Mission Conference. We weren't close friends, but it was just pleasant to see her whenever I could. After the mission I saw her once or twice at mission reunions, and I remember one time, I called the number on the directory and got her cell phone number from her parents. I called and chatted with her and caught up periodically after that. always the same pleasant uplifting voice and personality. Jessica was the person to call when you needed an uplift. we were facebook friends, and everyonce in a while i would see a cool pic or change in status.

I threw my phone in the toilet by accident one day(from the kitchen to the bathroom even), so i lost her number and a bunch of others, and with that, my reminder that she was there to call, to catch up with on facebook. Life gets busy, and you lose touch with friends from everywhere. every once in a while we get a reminder and see whats up, but really there are just too many people, in my circle at least, to keep up with them all. though i do try

so when my mom told me Jessica had died, I started contacting the few that were saved to sim on my phone. some of us knew her, some did not. everyone who did said how they remember how nice she always was. but also we started to talk to eachother again, like we haven't for years.

Another sister from our mission had been having sieziurs and was put in a coma a few months back while they sorted it out. she is in recovery now and doing much better, but i would have never even known, even though its on facebook, because i have over 700 friends- that i actually do know yes, so i dont get all the updates. I found out other people just had babies, or are getting ready to.

I talked to people on facebook and skype after work of course, that i hadn't talked to in ages because, Jessica reminded me not to get to busy for the most important part of life- People, and not just people, Freinds and family, those roses in our lives that have meaning, because they are ours and we know them- as the little prince taught in the book by st antoin exubery- my rose is important becasue of the time i spent with it, people and friends make places and memories important because of the time we spend with them and on them. Jessica made time for people.

Now, on annother note, its just been 8 days since the anniversary of the death of one of my roommates from cancer, and now we roommates remember, and some even post pictures on 9/11 every year of Kim, our roommate who died on that day. Its sad, and we miss kim, but perhaps on more purpose of death- for there are many- is to remind us to treasure up the friend ships associated wit

Life is good, even if it hurts sometimes

so last week was really horrible. I got injured skating, I had my heart broken, and then things got better. so now life is good. yesterday i got injured again skating, but this time it was just banging my knee on the ice. Last week I hit my head, and due to my pony tail my head bounced and i had whiplash. my neck still hurts just a little bit, but its a lot better than it was. my knee will be fine. I still dont like my job, but I can tollerate it. I used to have a job I liked, but it wasn't in the right location. I moved, so I had to get a job I didn't care for in hopes of getting a better one, then the ecomony tanked, and i have been waiting ever since. but i went to an indian restaurant today in seattle, and it was really good, so life is good.