Tea Party Paper Hats, A Tutorial

At the Urging of some of my friends, I have finally done it. I have finally assembled a tutorial for you on how to make a really cool paper hat for a tea party, or a garden party, or why not, the upcoming us premier of season 3 of Downton Abbey. This is what the final product looks like. Don't wear it in a rain storm.

first, you need three large square sheets of pretty scrapbook paper, preferably the same pattern, but at least two of them must be the same pattern.

cut one sheet in half

tape the two halves together as shown above

measure it to your head and then tape the other side to for a  cylinder as shown

cut slits about 1/2" to 1" long around the top

fold the strips in to form  the shape of the hat. You can use staples, or  clear tape

when you finish it should look something like this

cut a strip off the second matching scrapbook page big enough to cover the hole in the middle.

You can stick the patch on the inside or the outside, I think it looks best on the outside.   Tape the patch on the inside first, then cut the extra paper off, so that it just covers the hole.

now tape around the outside of the patch so nothing is sticking up.

now cut 1/4" to 1/2" long flaps around the bottom, approximately  1" to 2" apart 

fold flaps like this, all the way around the hat

take the remaining part of the second scrap book page, and the third scrap book page, and  cut them evenly in squares or rectangles, then begin taping them to the flaps. If more than one patter in being used, alternate them for the best result. 

tape them or glue them on ever flap, or every two flaps together all the way around. 

tape down the top side of the flaps to give extra stability to the brim of the hat.

add a ribbon for a hat band. Whatever color or thickness you prefer. 

where the ribbon ends meet, tape on another ribbon in a bow.

another example, using tape

My first attempt, using staples and glue and no scissors.

So, This is Christmas? Happy Christmas

T'was the week before Christmas, I stayed in my house. Thanks to St. Nickolai there was no mouse. 
There was snow on the ground, for just a day or two
I spent my time sleeping due to a cold, not the flu.
When finally I awoke from my slumber, 
I decided to watch youtube videos, the better the dumber.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear but The Mighty Boosh, 
and Noel Fielding wearing hats with some ears.
I watched and I wondered in confusion then glee,
I watched, then I laughed, I liked it by episode three.

The presents are bundled all under my tree, my stockings are hung, 
and now its raining. Its time for church, and I get to teach
my third christmas lesson to my class in primary.
Time for some Samuel the Lamanite's speech
No arrows could hit him, what a missionary. 

Through sickness, through snow fall, through mindless humor
out of the fog comes the reason to be here. 'tis all about the heavenly child
Christ changed the world, and he changed it by love. 
so let us all learn, and let us all feel it. 
Happy Christmas to all, Have you got the true spirit? 

If Coal Means You've Been Bad, What Does Poo Mean?

My roommate and I had an interesting discussion at dinner. You see, on the way home from church I was singing along with She & Him's Christmas CD to the song Little St. Nick, but I change all the words to be about a dog, because, well I have my own 20 lb Jack Russell  St. Nick.  This year, he has confused the tree skirt with his potty pad, so  he has been leaving me Christmas presents on occasion, and then I have to clean the skirt and the carpet. He's getting better about not doing it, but considering that I was told as a child that Saint Nick leaves presents for good girls and boys, and a lump of coal for the bad ones, I can't help but think that perhaps I've been worse than bad this year, because Ol' St. Nick is leaving me a lump of dog crap. At least coal you can burn for heat to stay warm, dog poo I just have to clean up and dispose of. 

  Santa Baby, I'll give you a treat if you use your potty pad, and not my tree. Thank you.  

I Saw the Hobbit, and I Think I'm In Love With a Dwarf

 Richard Armitage...   

How could you not just love Richard Armitage?  I first met Richard Armitage when he played the handsome fellow that swooped in and swept the Vicar of Dibbley off her feet. Pretty sure he swept me off my feet that day too. Where is my boring accountant with dark hair and beautiful eyes? I asked myself with no reply. 

Next I saw him as an industrial giant in the cotton mills of the north of England, sweeping some young southern English preachers daughter off her stubborn feet.  He was a ruthless, merciless employer, who it turned out was actually merciful, kind wise and had everyone's best interest at heart. and mmm that hair, those eyes. How could I not love him.  North  & South, I'd follow him any where. 

As a villain he appeared next  in the woods  fighting Robin of Locksley. Even as the evil sheriff of Nottingham, wearing some kind of mascara and being an absolute slimy jerk face, a part of me loved him still, and rooted for him to change. I don't remember how Robin Hood ended, I may have made this up, but I think he may have almost turned partly good at the end after the death of Marian? No? I can't remember, but my brain refuses to think otherwise. 

The ultimate test though, of if you really love someone, is if you see him covered in Orc blood, with a beardiness only befitting a dwarf and you still are captivated by his eyes and the soothing sound of his voice through and entire nearly 3 hour movie. When his eyes make you forget all about Elijah Woods eyes, when his voice lets you know not even a mountain troll would harm you in his presence, when a man can play a Dwarf with as much sexiness as he can play his lead in any love story, that man is a great actor, and deserved the most sexiest man on the planet award.  And that man is Richard Armitage. 

Who is your celebrity crush? if you could marry anyone famous who would it be?  Move me to England, and  bring me my Armitage,  No one else, not even the Doctor would do.

Free Pie!! and Face Mask Wednesday!

  So, some of you know I have started a new tradition. Wednesday is my therapy day. I go to my counseling appointment, which is amazingly awesome. I unload all my emotional crap, and find new emotional crap to sort out for the next week. Eventually I think I will run out of emotional crap, and then I will be totally and completely emotionally healthy!? right? is that how that works? I don't know. I just know I have a lot to work through. 
  Any way, so after that, I am usually in need of second therapy- aka friend time. So I go have dinner with my friend Toni. Usually we cook healthy food at her house, but in celebration of dealing with a super big issue very well, this week we decided to go out to eat. I wanted Ice cream. We went to Sheri's. I ate some moderately healthy food,  including shrimp skewers. mmmm.  And then we saw the sign, and it opened up our eyes 'cuz we saw the sign. FREE PIE WEDNESDAYS!!! Woooo Hooo!!!  As they say, if you have a choice between regular heaven, and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It may be a trick, but if not, mmmm. 

Its not trick, Pie is Free with your order of something else, at Sheri's on Wednesdays. I got peach pie. I no longer needed Ice cream. Although, that would have gone nice, a la mode. 

After we went and walked around a park full of Christmas lights on the waterfront in Renton. It was very pretty, but there were all sorts of oddities, dancing clams, and a hamburger in Christmas lights. Toni explained it was because there was an Ivars and some other restaurant in the park. odd, but still. To top it all off we listened to a She & Him Christmas album. Say what you will of Zooey Deschanel, but she has mad vocal skills and killer comedic presence in my book. 

And then I went home and did a peel face mask. I hated it. It was like slimer attacked my face and then I had to be a little kid peeling glue off  my face. Ok as a kid i would put glue on my hands and let it dry then peel it off for fun, as an adult, with it on my face, that isn't fun or relaxing. So I took it off  and did my usual mud. Much happier =)  good night. 

Super Mom, Super Heavy Gifts of the Spirit, and Thoughts on a Super New Website

OK, so I am just basically going to summarize my Sunday in one word.

AWESOME!!!      You thought I was going to say SUPER huh? ha ha

So at church, my first new friend in the state of Washington gave a talk, and it was pretty good. and then her husband spoke and I learned she is moving to Bainbridge and I almost started crying, even though its not that far away, its further than the two minutes that currently separates us.

But before that happened, I found out super mom was in my ward. Let me explain. So I have an awesome new friend in the ward, and her daughter was speaking today. Apparently she (the daughter) is on the shy side and speaking in sacrament meeting isn't on her list of all time favorite hobbies. It is on mine, but it wasn't always. Any way, so she was a little upset when she stepped up to the microphone to speak,  well, a lot upset. She didn't seem to be able to go on. I was rooting for her. I wanted to hear her speak. I don't know her though, so I was sitting helplessly in the audience praying someone would know what to do. The bishop and his councilors uttered words of encouragement, that I believe from my seat appeared only to result in more tears and frustration. Then out of no where, a very amazing mom who I didn't notice had been seated on the stand to help her daughter popped up, well ducked up behind her, and uttered just the right words of encouragement.  The girl stepped back, took a breath and read her talk so well it didn't sound like she was reading it, nervous, or any way affected by the beginning trauma.

  Wow!! I sat in my seat awed. What a perspective, loving and amazing mom. As the girl finished her talk, she took her seat next to her mom on the stand, and her mom gave her a hug and more words of encouragement. If I'm ever  a mom I hope I do that. I hope I know my kids well enough to know just what to say, to be aware of there challenges, and to be there for them when they need me, in just the way they need me.  I found it completely inspiring.

After that, I went and taught my primary class the most amazing lesson I have ever taught in primary. We kind of have free reign as to what lesson we choose to do these two weeks before Christmas, and I got this Idea, and cleared it with one of the primary presidency that since last week we only talked about 7 verses in Moroni 10, that I wanted to cover the rest of them, on the Gifts of the Spirit. I had a genius idea. Inspired, I am sure, to tie it into Christmas gifts. So this morning I got up early and wrapped up pictures of scripture stories, apostles, prophets, and other objects that represented the gifts of the spirit mentioned in the verse. Then I wrapped up my baby Jesus from my Creche and well, it all weighted about 25 lbs. it was heavy. 
   But we opened each one, discussed the objects relation to the scriptures, then I ended with John 3:16, and how Christ is the greatest gift we have received from God, and then back to Moroni 10 where it says all good gifts come from Christ.  I actually kept their attention for the entire lesson. It was awesome, and I am glad I followed the prompting to teach it that way, because I think I may have actually reached them today.


On a last note, in my last post I encouraged all of you to check out the churches new website www.mormonsandgays.org . Not wanting to be a hypocrite, I went and not only checked it out, but watched every single video on there, and read each section. I think it is a great site. It is a balance of maintaining the importance of living gospel standards, but encourages with a message of  love and compassion to those struggling with same sex attraction within and without of the church. It also encourages greater love and understanding from those in the church NOT struggling.  It shared the experiences of many people in the church who's lives have been touched by this issue in one way or another. In this day and age, I think we all have. The video testimonials of Elder Christofferson, and Elder Oaks were inspiring, and the messages of hope of those willing to share their stories were also great, the thing I enjoyed the most though was Elder Cook sharing his experiences from his time serving as a Bishop and Stake President in San Francisco, the people he met, and the impact it had on his life. It was very touching. I encourage you all once again to take a moment and take a look at it. If you do nothing else, watch Elder Cooks video.  

Happy Sunday and Happy Christmas to all!!

The Christmas Devotional

So, I have been reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged. I've been reading it for two plus years, but I am finally starting to get into it. In fact, I put off dinner tonight so I could read. Then, my stomach won out at around 9pm and I went in the kitchen to cook. I was going to watch hulu while I cooked, and then I remembered that I haven't seen the churches Christmas Devotional yet. I decided to watch that instead. 

 I love the music, its amazing and beautiful. But what has stuck out the most to me was Elder Uchtdorfs talk on being a good reciever as well as a good giver. This stood out to me in stark contrast to what I had just read in that big fat book. Im not finished yet, so I can't really comment too much on the book, but here is the opinion I formed after contrasting the two things. It is good and important to work hard, to earn your living and your way in life, its important to do this to learn and to grow, But, its also important to humbly learn to rely on others, especially the Savior. None of us can or should do it all on our own, and none of us can do it all. 

Jesus took everything on himself to help us to be able to grow, to become like him, but even he can't do everything, he can't take our will, we have to decide to give that to him.  Its important to love one another, and recieving gifts with the attitude in which they were given is an important lesson to learn. The greatest gift ever given's birth is celebrated this time of year, the Savior of the World, Jesus Christ. The gift he gave, the gift God gave is ours to accept graciously or to refuse contemptuously.  John 3:16  "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever will follow him might not parish but have eternal life"           


To end it off, President Monsons talk about the lonely, about bringing people into the warm thoughtfulness of our hearts, of true love for each other. He called it the Christmas spirit, the reflection of the Saviors love for us. So true. Charity, after all, is the pure love of Christ.    As I looked at the churches website, I also noticed that they have a link, to a new website that the church has created.

 This website deals with a very emotional subject for most people in our world today, inside or out of the church. It is to clarify the churches position, and to express great love, to a subject that has created some  divisions, and some lonely and hurting people both in the church, formerly in the church and out of the church. Its worth it , I think, to check it out, read it, gain some understanding whether you currently know someone struggling with this issue or not, perhaps this will help you to reach out in love to someone who will need it in the future.  here is the new website, Please check it out.....  http://www.mormonsandgays.org/  it is an official website of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints  - from the news room relase "NEWS RELEASE —  6 DECEMBER 2012

SALT LAKE CITY — 

In an effort to encourage understanding and civil conversation about same-sex attraction, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has launched the website “Love One Another: A Discussion on Same-Sex Attraction” (www.mormonsandgays.org). It features a number of videos from people who share real experiences from their own perspectives on a sensitive and sometimes emotionally charged topic."

any way, anytime the church puts out new stuff its to help us learn something important.   So watch the Christmas Devotional if you haven't  http://www.lds.org/broadcasts/watch/christmas-devotional/2012/12?lang=eng&vid=2006359549001, and take a moment to take a look at that new website. 

Troll Hunter

Oh, you get a two for one tonight, because I haven't posted much lately. But today, I watched a really fun Norwegian movie called "Troll Hunter"  Its supposed to make you think it is a real movie about something that possibly really happened. Yeah right, trolls live in Norway  and love to eat Christians. That's what the movie claimed any way. Crazy stuff.  it was super fake looking, but I really enjoyed it. 

First, I got to watch three stupid college kids making a documentary that they thought was about a bear poacher. Then they found out he was a troll  hunter. One got bit by a troll and survived, he later found out the troll that bit him was rabid, and that he now probably had rabies. I think that's hilarious because he didn't go to the doctor to have his troll bite checked out even though it was bothering him throughout the movie.  If you get bit by a troll, please check yourself for rabies!!!

Second, I saw a three headed troll turn to stone, and another troll snack on some goats- very Jurassic park- and then it exploded. The key to defeating these trolls? UV lights baby!! oh yeah!!  there is an anti-fake bake add for you, look what this tanning bed will do to this giant mountain troll! BOOM troll guts everywhere.

Third, kind of sad, but if you are on a film crew, and decided to follow around a troll hunter, and he asks, "Hey are any of you Christians? because trolls really love to eat Christians." Don't lie about it, or you will for sure be the camera man that gets eaten by a smelly foul big nosed pack of trolls when you go tromping through the troll cave where you oughtn't be, because, well there is clearly no way out of that cave, no sunlight going in, and you are the one that smells like a Christian, so the troll can snack on you and your friends can escape.  

Great movie. I think its only moral was that you can't trust the government, and that Trolls eat Christians so all the Atheists are the ones that will have to save you from the trolls. Have fun with that Atheists.  Any way, I had fun watching it.

Why I currently look like The Mask, and I'm loving it!

Its Wednesday night. Wednesday nights are always interesting for me these days. On one hand, I feel a great relief because I got to talk with my counselor about the things on my mind all last week,  and on the other hand, over whelming, because in the process I usually find some new thing to work on. This week was no exception, and I don't even know how to begin on the task at hand this time. I don't think my usual Idea of reading a book about it and following someone else's Idea is going to work.  Its going to have to be me, and I'm going to have to think outside my usual box. 

  Another great thing about Wednesdays is I always get to spend Wednesday evening, after therapy, with a friend, going through what I like to call Second Therapy.  You know,  like when you go on a vacation, and you leave one extra day to be home after your vacation to have a vacation from your vacation before you go back to work because you are exhausted from vacationing?  Well, after therapy, I usually have to go talk to a friend to transition out of therapy mode. Usually I have dinner with my friend Toni, but tonight I ended up going to Starbucks in the Silverdale Barns and Noble to get hot chocolate and look at books. 

  I love hot chocolate, especially when that  hot chocolate is half eggnog. mmm chocolate eggnog. Thank you Anna. Anna is the one that took my eggnog latte back for me to get eggnog hot chocolate like I wanted, because well, I don't drink lattes, but I also hate taking things back. Oh , and my good friends don't let me drink caffeine because they know bad things happen when I do.  Any way, we drank our comfort beverages and wandered around looking at all the books we wished we owned but don't have money or room to buy and then we went home. It was nice, because we just laughed at silly things and talked about books. It felt good.  

  I got home after and I had already taken care of making and packing my lunch for tomorrow- prosciutto wrapped salmon.  mmmmm  tasty. And then I did my exercises, and took a shower, and I was just thinking, what else would make this day end great so I am ready to deal with the world again, and It hit me. FACE MASK!!! wooo hooo!!!  I chose and avocado and oatmeal one this time. I applied it, and then I looked in the mirror and saw someone who could be on The Mask, you know that great Jim Carry film from the nineties?  Any way, my Jack Russell doesn't have a mask, but he is siting at my fit. Good boy! I am calm, not crazy, and ready to go to sleep. but, I do look like the mask.   

Any way, I will be making a tutorial on how to make really awesome hats out of paper. Then, I am going to try to make them out of felt. If I make them out of felt, I am going to consider selling them. If I sell them ,I have to fill out paper work at work. its a great dilemma, so we shall see. but, I will show you how to make the paper ones.  night all!!! and Happy Christmas!!

Openness

         I feel too much I don't know if I can say anything, but I can say that I get scared sometimes.  I am learning to open up to people and be more vulnerable than I have ever been in my entire life. My walls are truly coming down, one at a time, slowly. 
   I think the thing that scares me the most is letting go of that control, control of my own image, control of what I allow people to see of me, and letting them truly see me. It scares me so much, but at the same time, its so worth the risk when it means better friendships and relationships.   

That is all. Supper short, I know. but wow!! Kind of overwhelmed tonight.  Thanks again for all my friends, I love you guys

Sparkles, Wolfs, and Headless Vampires

 If you couldn't guess from the title this post is going to be about Twilight, well actually, about Breaking Dawn  Part Deux.   

My counselor has encouraged me to be more open and honest about things, so I am gonna start right here and right now, with something that is incredibly difficult for me to admit....

I used to be really really into twilight. I loved the books. I was kind of obsessed with them at one point. And. Then.... I saw the first movie.  and , I moved.  To Western Washington,  and took a few Twilight tours with friends and family. Not official ones. We did our own.

I watched three of the movies. I never saw Breaking Dawn part one. I don't want to. I never planned to watch Breaking Dawn Part two.

That is the truth, and here is how I wound up watching tonight.

My friend Jennifer is back in town for a few days for Thanksgiving.  She wanted to do something with me and our friend Karen. They decided we would go to Breaking Dawn so that we could see Taylor Lautner with his shirt off again. OK, That IS worth it, I wont lie.  But mainly, I went to hang out with my friends. This is how I found the movie....


It started, and then the special effects were super cheesy. I actually was laughing. Out loud. In the theater. Especially during the beginning hunt scene. Was this supposed to be a drug induced experience? it kind of felt like it.  Then, Kristin Stewart killed a Cougar, and growled at it.  ha ha ha ha. I still cant stop laughing. Seriously? you growled at that cougar?    Also there were a lot of these little fairy flower things floating in the field. What? I don't get that still. 

But then the movie started for realzies and it was way better than I thought it would be. Sure, there were still some cheesy lines- its Twilight, its a drama/ romance thing, you have to have cheese.  There was also a distinct, in my opinion, lack of lines. I was wondering for a while if maybe I was watching Downton Abbey, because they did a lot of looks. lots of looks. I have no idea what was going on, they just looked at the camera in silence a lot, like "Read my mind please". And then, a vampire got its head ripped off. It was kind of gross.  I wont mention how I felt about the sex scenes, I am pretty sure it lived up to the awkwardness I felt reading the book, so that means it was a success?    

Now, I've pretty much ripped on this, but the truth is, apart from a moment or two of motion sickness , I LOVED IT!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a really long time. And, the battle scene was not at all like I imagined reading the book, but it was really great and I loved it.  My favorite was that Dakota fanning was supper creepy with her crazy red eyes and merciless infliction of pain, Christopher Heyerdal is the MAN! I got really excited when I saw him, that may be because I recently watched Sanctuary again. He is such a lovable evil villain and a scary good guy that I can't help but love anything he is in.   Michael Sheen is just so sweetly evil that it makes him horrifyingly scary because he is so nice about wanting to destroy you for your own good.  Even Robert Pattinson has gotten back in my good books again, because he was so improved over previous Twilights that I think my love of Cedric Diggory is restored. Yay!!  he was killed by Voldemort, reborn as a sparkly Vampire and finally grew to be an actor I can enjoy watching.   Oh yeah, did I mention Taylor Lautner takes of his shirt?  yup. By the end of the movie, I was sad it was over. I even stayed through a good portion of the credits listening to that lovely Christina Perry song that I want played at my wedding. When it was over, I was very sad. I actually wanted more.   Its easy to hate on Twilight.  A lot of teenage girls get giggly about it, and it is cheesy, but I will admit right here and right now, that I would pay money to go see that movie again. It felt good to laugh so much. I really enjoyed myself. I may even read the books again.        

The best moment of the night though, came as my friends and I were walking out of the theatre. Karen turned and said " My daughter is NEVER dating my teenage boyfriend"   ha ha, AMEN to that Karen!!!    


Also, The previews some of them were horrifically terrifying, like that Mommy one or whatever. Creepy children.  I want to see the zombie one, Les Miserables, and the Hobbit. Everything else was crap.   And that is how I feel about  Breaking Dawn  Part 2, bring on The Host, and hopefully the first half of that movie moves faster than the book did. 

Finding My Forgotten Carol, A Thanksgiving Eve Adventure

Oh what a day its been.  I have never cried so much.  I am not sure I can even really begin to explain, but you know I am going to try.

I went to bed last night at 1:30 in the morning, because after a week of starting to get a little off balance again, I needed a girls night, and I needed to talk to my best friend about all the junk in my head I had been running away from and not dealing with.

At 6:30 this morning, I woke up, threw on some work out wear, grabbed my skate bag, and headed to the rink for my first skating lesson since like April. It was good. It was hard work. It was crazy fun. I was slightly sore after, but I have the most amazingly awesome Finnish woman for a coach, and when I don't put the correct arm in front, she tells me in Finnish, and some how I understand that better.  I worked on stroking and 3 turns. It was basic, it was small, but some how this progressing slowly and rebuilding all my skating almost from scratch is making me a better, more patient and controlled skater, and I think, as painful and slow as this year has been, its a good thing.

After skating I ran to the store and made some thanks giving preparations, mainly  cooking down pumpkin to make my pumpkin pie and soup. I had about three hours to eat lunch, do some reading and work on my work book pages I had been avoiding all week before it was time to head off to my counseling session with  Josh Weed   Who is an Amazing person and and excellent counselor.   I would encourage everyone to read his blog, especially his unicorn club post, but they are all great.  Traffic was HORRENDOUS both going to and coming back from Auburn, so I was late, and it took me an extra half hour to get home.

Result:  After a very emotional session of dealing with everything I had ran away from all week, I drove straight home and had a total of FIVE minutes  to take my dog out to pee and then run  jump in my friend Dan's car to go to the Forgotten Carols in Seattle.  Result: I was pretty primed for an emotional cry baby night.

Dan and I stopped at Faddo's for dinner, because its my favorite and  it was pretty close to Benaroya Hall where the show was. mmmm tasty Irish food and champions league soccer / football.  nice.  we ate so much we had to practically roll ourselves up the steep Seattle hills.  When we got to BH, I had to pee, because I drank three glasses of water in the hour we were at Faddos. This is a common theme for me this week.  Any way, Dan had handed me my ticket and we were going to meet at our seats. He bought my ticket as a Christmas present, best present ever.  I approached an usher for direction, and she told me it was right toward the front. When I realized how close to the front, I NEARLY  DIED.  we were on the second row they were using for people, four rows back from the stage. I have never sat that close ever in my life. ever. ever!!!

I almost started crying then and there. It was clear that I was doomed.  The lights dimmed and with the first flute note tears came streaming down my face, and have continued ever sense. I felt so much there tonight, so much I haven't felt in a long time, so much I have never felt because I wouldn't allow myself to.  My first feeling was how much my mom loves the forgotten carols, and my memories of Christmases past watching with her, or listening to the CD constantly while cleaning the house. I love my mom.  By the end of the show, I really just wanted my mom there to give her a big hug. At intermission I went and bought the second to last one they had of a very special Christmas tree Ornament to give to her. I will talk more about this later.  As the show played on I loved the songs as much if not more than ever, the power of the words and the melody captivated my soul.

But this was an experience for me like never before. I have gone to this show before, but this is the first time I have every understood Constance.  I was there with her every moment in shared pain, and shared joy. When the part about her not being able to have children came up, and the song "Mary let me hold her baby" I thought of how blessed I was to have friends with kids that let me, every now and then, get to have little mini mommy moments, even though I'm not really their mom,  I like when I get to have some kind of experience like that and help my friends out.  I am also now incredibly grateful for my new call to the primary.  I finally have reached the point in my life where I really would like the experience of being a mom.  and I really related to the character in that moment.  There were many other things like this that happened for me. I cried the whole time.

What got me was in the end. I knew this was coming, but singing together "We can be together forever someday". That song always reminds me of my French sister Laeitita. She was our foreign  exchange student for three years. I stayed with her family for one summer too.  I remember the last time we took Laetitia to the airport,  I sang her that song, and she nearly hit me and then she started crying, and my dad yelled at me to stop because I was upsetting her. And I yelled back that I was just trying to express how I felt the only way I knew how. I still miss my friend Laetitia.

I grabbed some quick signatures from the cast. One of the senior couples in my mission knew one of the lead actress and that is the whole reason I ended up going tonight. It was a Thanksgiving miracle and the best Thanksgiving eve ever. I had to meet our common friend. And I told Michael McLean about how I once skating to one of the  songs from the forgotten carols for my personal progress project, or something. I wish I still had that video.   Any way, then we headed out into the cold down to the ferry.

On the way in to Seattle as I walked through the pedestrian bridge/homeless camp, I saw someones bed. I was so cold and all I could think of is how hard that would be, and that I was really glad I was not homeless.  On the way back my heart was full, and so were my eyes - of tears-  and my head was full of song. As we approached the  homeless area of the bridge one of the Forgotten Carols popped into my head :  "Homeless, Homeless, like the Christ child was, we are not homeless, homeless.. for in his love there  is a home."  and I wanted to do something, anything to share the love I felt at that moment.


AND THEN I SAW HIM....  the homeless man that has been apart of my life since I moved here over four years ago. Almost daily this man sweeps the bridge, clearing leaves and debris  and helping so it doesn't flood in the rain, and it isn't dirty and gross.  When he is away from this spot, when he isn't there to sweep, it backs up and we have to cross a lake to get to work, and then my feet are cold and wet all day and I am sad. Every time I see this man, I think of the great service he does to all of us, and he does it just so that its clean.  I saw him, and I heard the song. I thought about the goodies in my bag I had bought. I really couldn't see him having a way to play a CD, so I reached in and gave him the one thing that I could, the one thing that seemed to symbolize everything he stood for to me, the Christmas tree ornament.

 Tears filled my eyes,  and  my voice cracked as I just handed him the little white box and said " thank you so much for always sweeping this bridge, it means so much to me. here is a special Christmas ornament"  I don't know, what use that will be for him, or if it will mean anything to him at all. But for weeks I have wanted to thank him, to do something. That is all I could think to do, and so I did it, and then I walked away crying, and texted my mom that her Christmas present went to a homeless guy. Merry Christmas Mom.  Then I cried in the ferry terminal. Then I got on the ferry and cried some more. then I got on facebook and wrote about it and cried some more.  Then my friends told me I should write a song about it, so I did, but Facebook wouldn't let me post, and it was lost.  So, I will try again.

Water, water every where, but mostly in my eyes, here upon the ferry, riding at even tide.
Water, water every where, he cleaned every day, so I could walk freely without water in my way.
In the dark of the night, as the wind screams and howls my heart is full of light and love and truth the more somehow.  I'm crying on the ferry, I'm crying in the town. My heart is full, I have such joy, my tears are warmth somehow.


I wanted to end with a thought or two more. the two women that encouraged me to make up a song about crying on the ferry are very important to me right now.  They both have shown amazing amounts of love and friendship to me and made me feel so loved. Earlier this week I was really struggling, and one of them made it her goal , nay, her mission to make me smile and be happy. I don't know that I can express what that meant to me, especially since I had only just seen her at church and never really talked to her individually before. Why did she care about me? why did it matter if I had a bad day? I don't know but her attempts to make me smile were successful beyond all imagination and now I really love her for it and always will.  I have really great friends. I have a great family, I am very blessed, and I am thankful for counseling combined with the forgotten carols to well and truly turn me into a big blubbering baby for the day.   No running from feelings right now, they are running down my face.  Happy Thanksgiving all, I am thankful for you, I am thankful for your love, and I am thankful for Jesus Christ and his gospel.  I have never felt such gratitude before, I love it. God really does know me and gives me just what I need. 

I Couldn't Hear Nobody Sing

 Yesterday I  went through 3.5 hrs of choir practices on some much less than easy songs. It was a blast by by the end I was exhausted, and my throat was exhausted.  I didn't know one could get so tired singing. 
  Today I woke up, and wisely chose to rest my voice and just listen to some of the numbers to prepare for tonight's concert. That helped me finally memorize all the words and that came in handy.

  My attempts at resting my voice ended when I got to church and remembered it was also our Ward choir performance. Then I was going to not sing the hymns during sacrament meeting. I tried, but when music plays I have to sing. Then I went and taught primary, and I had to keep quieting the kids. then, it was singing time.  in the words of one of the songs we performed tonight- How can I keep from singing?  When its the Book of Mormon stories song, and the snow man song I cant.  
  
 So I left church with a more tired voice than I started, and one hour to eat dinner and get to the Stake center.  I ran home, finished dinner and ate, being sure not to eat any cheese or dairy.  I had to do something to relax my voice and throat, so I drank hot water with lemon and honey. I drank probably a liter of it, then I took off to the church.  

  As we started our practice I didn't see how I would be able to sing, but my muscles relaxed and my voice warmed up and things were looking good. Anytime we took a break I drank some water. With a half hour till time to start, I really had to pee.  But practice wasn't over. I waited.  Fifteen minutes to go, still practicing.  Finally with three minutes till we had to be back in our seat I was able to rush to the bathroom.  I thought I was safe. 

 As we sat waiting for the rest of the choir to take their seats, my good friend Katie started making up her own words to some of our songs. She would sing part of Cindy, and then she started changing the words to I Couldn't Hear Nobody Pray, to I couldn't hear nobody sing. I was busting up.  I could hear somebody singing, she was sitting right next to me ,and I was smiling.

About two songs into our 10 song repertoire all that water I drank came back to haunt me. I had to pee again, and we had 45 minutes to go. 45 minutes of not just singing but also dancing and clapping, but I did it, I made it through ,and I had a blast. Now my voice is gone, My throat is tired, and I am ready for sleep.  and I don't wanna hear nobody sing, till tomorrow. 

A Fun New Way to Grocery Shop

Sometimes I get bored. I get really bored.  Then, I get creative. 

Today, I was tired, and bored, but I needed to do my grocery shopping. I put it off for about four hours while I watched four episodes of Merlin. Great show, I love it. 

Finally, after a lovely episode about a quest to an enchanted magical far off land to get a trident from a magical sea king, I decided it was time to go shopping. Of course, after four hours of watching someone do "magic" with their eyes, and re-painting my Harry Potter wand I made last Monday, I was feeling my boredom and fatigue change into creativity. 

As I walked into Wal-mart, suddenly I was on a quest to find all my Thank giving food items. I walked down each aisle of the food department, and I stared intensely at the objects on the shelf, pretending my magic eyes were helping me find my food products. It was a blast. I've never had so much fun grocery shopping.

You may have just stepped out of a Bond movie if...

Every now and again, I feel the need to do a top ten list.  Tonight is one of those. Just came home from the New James Bond- Sky Fall.  So here is its.. 

The Top Ten  Signs You Just Stepped Out of a Bond Movie

10. As you run to the theatre restrooms to beat the post movie crowds,  you carefully check the feet under the stalls and then kick open the door to your stall before you go in. 

9. You use the mirrors in the bathroom to make sure the other person in the bathroom isn't pulling a weapon on you as you dry your hands in the industrial strength hand dryer.

8. You feel like there is sexual tension everywhere and that at any moment  you and/ or people around you may just start making out. Then you realize none of you are spies and you don't want to make out with any of them,  but a part of you thinks that despite the grey in his beard , Daniel Craig was super sexy and maybe you just want to make out with him.

7. When you get home, you cautiously approach your house, surveying the dark and misty land around you for anyone lurking in the shadows, and you think of your bow and arrows, and exactly where they are located in the house, and how you should use them if you need to.

6. You carefully (yeah, you don't want to do any damage, you realize you aren't bond) kick the door open, and immediately check behind every door, closet, shower curtain, and couch just to be sure no one is waiting in the wings to catch you unawares and kill you before you can kill them.

5. You start referring to your dog as Q, and pretend his rawhide is a cool technical gadget or explosive device - Toss it away, and take cover.

4. Your roommate texts you if you can leave the door unlocked for them because they are coming home late, and you inform them that that would be unwise, they may see some Bond action themselves if they wake you from sleep and you've left the door unlocked.

3. You sign off said text  simply as M.

2. You boot up your computer and as you write a blog, you listen to the amazing vocals of Adelle singing Skyfall, and you have the urge to do one of those roll things and then pop up with your fingers pointed like a fake gun.  You also think how you should someday don a spy type outfit and skate to this song.

1.You end the night by listening to a medley of James Bond movie theme songs on YouTube.


yup, probably best not to startle me tonight in any way. 
  thanks,
M

Lessons in the Benefits of Self-Care

So, apart from my dreams and nightmares, one thing we spent sometime talking about yesterday at Counseling it the need for self care. Today I tried to take care of that. Its my goal for the week in fact ,maybe even my homework. 
  
In the past months, but especially the past month I haven't done so well at this. A lot of it has to do with the fact that I have battled injury after injury and when I can't go run or skate, I tend to just give up. Having buckets of Halloween candy lying around the house didn't help either, nor the fact that I just couldn't stand up long enough to really cook. The swelling in my ankle has gone down considerably, so I was thinking of going skating Saturday till I realized, its still a little swollen and a little sore and that would be incredibly stupid of me. 

 But, I did start exercising again, in moderation. I am limiting myself to what I can reasonably do without causing greater injury, but I have to do some sort of physical exercise or I start to feel  horrible about myself. I also am giving away all my candy tomorrow to one of my co workers. I don't want it, and if its here, I will eat it because it is here. I have got fruit, veggies, home cooked lunch,  and green smoothies. For a few weeks I went crazy eating tons of sugar and meat. This causes me to gain weight and feel horrible really really quickly, so I am going pescitarian again, and I am sticking to my two meal a week meat exception - for poultry only.  None of my clothes are fitting, and there is no reason for them to not, if I don't eat junk all the time.       

In addition to eating right, and exercising correctly, I cleaned my house. I have to have cleanliness and order at home or I feel like my life is out of control. I looked at my bank account. Knowing where I am with my finances also helps me not to stress as much about them.  I also spent a little time working on music stuff , and watching Merlin- because I need some fun, Playing with my dog, and finally a bit of journaling. Oh and I finally made sure to read my scriptures this morning. I skipped two days and I felt it.  So now I feel balanced, I'm gonna take a shower, and work on the final piece of my puzzle off self-care, and my biggest struggle- SLEEP.  new rule. computer off at ten. Maybe I  will go to bed earlier, maybe I wont, but at least I'll have a fighting chance of success at it. 

I already feel so much better about myself just for doing these little things. Seriously- I spent 12 minutes working out, and it helped. and I was careful not to stress my ankle. I made a healthy and taste dinner and felt good after I ate it.  I am already seeing why taking care of myself is so important. Well, fifteen minutes to computer out time, So goodnight all.

Reavers at Counseling

So, Today was a very very interesting day.  

Wait, wait, back up.  

So Monday was a very very interesting day.  I worked an hour late and then I prepared to work from home Tuesday. I was carrying my rolly, and its kind of heavy, and I was super tired, so I forgot that the buses switch places an hour later than my normal run, so I got on the bus to Suqualmish instead of Poulsbo. 
  I didn't realize I was on the wrong bus until ( in complete darkness) I got off the bus in totally unfamiliar territory.  Luckily I read the park and ride sign and figured it out and  used the phone a friend option.  In addition, at this same time I got a call from my Counselor that he needed to reschedule my appointment permanently to a new day. Usually we meet on Tuesday, but he just moved to a new building this week, so we would need to change it to Wednesday if possible because the new place his scheduling wont include Tuesdays. He shares an office.  
  Any way, so I was a complete mess at this point because everything seemed to be going wrong. I made a few phone calls and straightened everything out, and then I called my friend I was going to have Family Home Evening with to cancel because I was emotionally exhausted. Instead I got her boyfriend promising me free food, and that my friend was fixing everyone's bad days, so if I just came over it would all be good. He did not lie, and I am happy I went.....
       Now on to today.

So, Today was a very very interesting day. I only went to one wrong building when trying to find my new place for counseling. Slightly disoriented me I think, because I couldn't remember anything I  had wanted to talk about by the time I got there. So we randomly hit on things that happened over the last week, until it came up about my strange and intense dreams, nightmares and other stuff I've had through out my life. Usually more frequent with stress and a lack of sleep.   
    One of my other friends experiences something similar called Hypnagogic hallucinations. There are also Hypnopompic hallucinations that happen right as you are transitioning to waking up. I believe the later is what happens with me, but we aren't really sure yet. So today at therapy we spent most the time talking about these crazy between being in a dream and being awake things I have. 

 And this is where my counselors knowledge of Firefly/ Serenity  came in handy.  "have you seen Firefly? do you know what Reavers are?" I started..  He did. "well, one time dreamed they were coming out of my wall, and I was awake but not awake, and I thought it was real until I woke up completely and then walked over (terrified) and turned on the light."  I have no doubt that this will take some more hours to figure out. Especially since I couldn't remember the word of what my friend told me these dream/ hallucinations are until after counseling when I texted to ask her.  
  Apart from one really vivid crazy  but not really scary one of these dream things  (no reavers this time)  I had  last week, I haven't had them since last February when I was having pretty extreme troubles sleeping, so hopefully it doesn't start up again, or we can figure it out so I don't have to deal with them.  But you never know when a knowledge of Firefly will come in handy, so watch and make sure you are well versed no matter your profession.

I know I am getting stressed right now because, well I got on the wrong bus Monday, but today I  missed my exit on the way home. My brain is disconnecting right now, which happens when I get stressed, I forget everything, I just go straight to auto pilot. Saturday I forgot super Saturday and i have been looking forward to it  for a while.  The dream last week, My eating habits, everything is pointing to me needing to handle some stress a little better. Well, I am aware at least, so that's a start.   Hello, My name is Mandi and I am slightly stressed out right now, and you would be too if Reavers showed up at your counseling session.

Of Politics, College Football And the 5th of November

  Slowly over the past weeks, a recognition of a highly annoying, but I think true, concept has dawned on me.  There are a great too many similarities between how people treat political issues and elections, and how they treat, cheer for, and participate in college football/basketball games. 
  I am going to keep this short, because honestly I have had enough politics for a life time (this coming from a Poly Sci minor,) but this election, and some political debates before hand ( cough cough Chik-Fil-A)  have become so much an us vs them mentality that it absolutely drives me nuts. The number of people who are voting for this person or that person just because  "all good people are Democrats and everyone else is a stupid head" or  "all good people are Republicans and everyone else is a do do face"  is just about enough to make us independents insane.  Honestly all the Facebook posting about how evil and horrible this or that candidate or issue is have just about driven me up a wall. 
  The fact that we had to preface this with people telling me that I had to either eat a chicken sandwich or avoid eating a chicken sandwich at a specific restaurant or I was a horrible person have me just about ready to blow a gasket.   You people line up sporting your red and blue like its BYU vs the Uof U and you just have to prove that your team is heaven sent that the other one is of the devil.  The country is mapped out this way, it flashes on TV, in news papers. People count down on their facebook, to the moment either their team wins or our country suddenly spirals to hell and fails to exist.  
   well, since we are talking colors, our flag colors are red, white and blue. If we are all taking sides, and picking teams, I pick team white. I call for a truce.  Cant we all just get along? Agree to disagree? have our opinions but be willing to objectively look at things from other peoples perspectives without automatically judging them as evil horrible villains? This is not a college football game folks, this is the running of our country, and if we don't bring it together, we ain't never gonna get nothing done.   
  Today is Guy Fawkes day in  parts of the world. As I think of the historical aspects of that day remembered, the day before we vote for a lot of important things,  I just want everyone to take a second and realize  Its not worth getting all crazy and driving each other crazy. No need to go figuratively (or literally) blowing things up. Yes, these are important decisions we are making, but Rome was not built, nor did it fall in a day, neither will we.  
 No need to go all  panic attack here lets take a moment, step back, and see if we can't catch a glimpse of a bigger picture, and maybe come together a bit more.  Maybe we can see it less as an us vs them competition as more of an us vs us competition and try to find the middle ground where we can all be a little more happy and a little less at each others throats and in each others FaceBook about things?  
 OK wishful thinking, like me saying this would be a short post.  All I am saying is, can we please treat this and future elections, issues, life and our country a little bit less like a college football game where the winners just rub it in the losers face and try to rub it in as much as possible? can we maybe see how we are all just people with different ideas but the same goal- to have a greater place to live and raise our families?  I don't know that that's possible, but I will say, its my dream.  probably wont happen, so I am going to go to sleep now.  Go vote. Vote for what is best for you, for your family, for your country, whatever you determine that to be, and please quit telling me about it on Facebook. I've already voted. I don't care  who wins tomorrow, I voted for what I though best, I hope you do the same. Que Sera Sera. 

Russian Eyes and Some Awkward Dancing

Last night, I went to what was probably my last YSA dance. I have less than three months left till I turn 31, and therefore a pumpkin, I mean a MSA - Mid Single Adult.  So, Going to the YSA dance last night, I was hesitant. Especially since I heard most of the guys are about 19 years old. yeah, I've waited for a missionary once already, thank you, NOT DOING THAT AGAIN!! 
 Any way, I also had a sprained ankle, so I knew I would have to sit out most of the dancing. Thankfully they played some disco songs that allowed me to dance without moving my feet much. I decided to go because a lot of my friends would be there, and I miss them. Plus, I am becoming socially awkward again, so I need to interact with people. 
 I went to this dance with no pressure to do anything but love my time with my friends and enjoy myself. I can't dance, because of my ankle, so I didn't have to enter the "most outrageous dancer" competition. The men were mostly too young, so I wasn't looking for their attention either.  The only real stress I had was to come up with a costume. Rock Star. DONE.  that was easy, leather jacket, shiny pants, dramatic make up, spiky hair, and punkish jewelry, and some glittery finger nails. done, done and done. 
 So, with my only expectations being to enjoy myself and hang out with my long lost friends, I was rather surprised  to leave the dance "meditating on the very great pleasure which a pair of fine eyes in the face of a (handsome man) can bestow."  How did I happen to meet with these fine eyes? From whence did they come? To whom do they belong? 
   Sometimes I am very surprised to come across very very hansom and attractive men that seem equally interested in me. There are a lot of toads out there, and that pair of fine eyes was very refreshing and invigorating.  I saw him on the couch in the foyer of the church as I entered, but I had no thought of meeting him, though he was good looking.
  Twenty minutes later Sister La Mar, a councilor in the bishopric's wife, and   a very good friend of mine was leading this very very handsome man my direction. "He was born in Russia, and grew up here in the states, I thought you two should meet"  She said as she introduced me to the fine pair of Russian eyes.  
  We talked a bit, and then we were interrupted and I lost him for most of the rest of the night, but I couldn't get him out of my head. there was just something intriguing about him, and I so longed to talk to him again. Awkward moment, they switched it up and asked the girls to all find guys and ask them to dance a slow song. I determined to find my Russian, but alas, some other girl beat me to it.  
 Finally, it was time for me to leave and go home. No opportunities had presented themselves, and I was kind of sad. I said good bye to all my friends and then I saw him, sitting by the La Mars. eh ha ha, a chance, I shall say goodbye to the La Mars and some how give him my number. 
  I said good bye to the La Mars, he was just a chair over, I turned to him. I said "It was a pleasure to meet you" We had a short, but awkward conversation where it seemed clear we were both trying to figure out what to do, how to meet again, but how to not make it awkward.  Finally I said, "Do you have your phone? I'd like to give you my number." 
  What I was actually thinking and held my tongue and avoided saying was "Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, your born in Russia, now in the navy, Here's my number, call me maybe?"  yeah, we've all had enough of that song, so I used my better judgment and didn't say that. 
   He talked about wanting to do something next week, but I don't know if he completely realized that he didn't give me his number, because he wanted me to get a hold of him with my schedule, which I reminded him, that he would have to at least text me so I  could get his number if anything is to happen.  
 I don't know if he will contact me or not. If he doesn't I will be sad. But, for now I have the memory of a pair of fine Russian eyes warming my soul.  Happy Halloween everyone.