Community

"The worst fear you can have is losing your faith, because then you are not accepted by anyone. Not by those that consider themselves secular, or by people of your own faith... ever since we could  remember, our religion has defined every single action we have taken. If one day I lose my faith it would be like dying and having to start new again in a world without guarantees."
- Reading Lolita in Tehran

When I read that quote from RLT, I had to pause and read it again. I was shocked at how in that one instance, people in a bool, who's experience I hadn't really connected to, summed up one of the most frightening feelings of my life.

Having grown up in the LDS church, and in Utah I learned and earned most of my socialization from and at church and church activities. One of my greatest fears when on my way out of the church was that probably, even living in Washington state, 99% of my friends and social activities were at or from church, and I wasn't sure I knew  how to really socialize  outside that context. I didn't know where I would find community, or who I would turn to when I needed help, or life was too much for me, or where I could go that people would understand my experiences having been so dedicated to the LDS Faith all my life and then leaving it.

I have non lds co workers, who are great people, mostly christians, but I've always had to explain my Mormon culture to them. So even though I knew I would have their support, it still felt like it would be too lonely of a proposition to walk away.

But, I had a friend tell me about a local group that met, for former and unorthodox Mormons. This was when I was still active and believing. It was wonderful  to have a place to talk about experiences and frustrations and issues and not be judged. My issues were not the same as their issues, and their issues, in many cases never became my issues. But it was a community, a community that understood, that helped eachother when needed, that helped people move, and brought meals when someone was sick, or sad.

It was a framework of community that reflected my culture growing up. And as I left the church, they were my safety net of unconditional love when the fear of fall out from family and friends terrified me. And sometimes those fears came true and friends were lost, and family relationships wounded. And people that understood were there for me.

It made all the difference in the world, as the uncertainty and newness of life unfolded before me. It's hard to grapple with belief and loss of some beliefs, and figuring out what you truly believe, and losing some of the certainty of things you always believed before.  But having this group of friends gave me a secure base to explore my new world. And that security gave me confidence to be brave and bold and press forward.

As many of us moved forward in our journey, we helped eachother also find answers to questions like "how do I find opportunities to do service in the greater community and world without the church or ward organizing it for me?"

As people in our group asked this question opportunities showed up, and with the support of eachother, we jumped right in, sometimes organizing our own personal projects to help make the world nicer for everyone to live in.

Because I have this group, this community, I also felt confident to start volunteering with my soccer team, and pride and queer organizations, and other personal interests not related to the religion I grew up in. And it's been wonderful for me to be able to have time to be involved in things I am passionate about.

So, I guess the point of this post is to first express my gratitude to that group for making that transition so much less scary, and for providing a safe base for me to explore the world from. And the second point of this blog, is that if anyone else is in that position, where that quote resonates with you, where you are afraid of losing your tribe because you are questioning your faith...
Know that there is a tribe of questioners that stay in the faith, and you can find them too. And there is a tribe for questioners that leave the faith, and there is a tribe for all the questioners everywhere in between.

It is overwhelming have a faith transition, or a faith crisis. It is sometimes very scary, and very overwhelming. But you are not alone, and you will not be left community-less,  there is a community for people just like you. 

If you dont live near me and are wondering how to find like minded folk, try this website. http://www.mormonspectrum.org/

Thanks again to  my friends who have been there for me, in and out of the church, and everything in between.