2011: An Game Changing Year

As I will be in Seattle at the Space Needle for New Years Eve tonight, and not here blogging, I figured I would take a moment now to reflect on the amazingly life changing year that was 2011.  
      I started this year with some newly developed friendships that changed and shaped my life in ways I could not imagine. My new (at the time) friends Kelly, Adrian and Julie over the course of the past year, in combination with some old friends taught me things like it is a bad idea to have five birthday parties,and  its OK to trust people, to love them, to invest in them. 
 To create ties with people isn't only to risk tears, its a guarantee them, but its almost always worth it in the end. If it isn't worth it yet, it isn't the end. They taught me new make up and hair techniques, Hunger Games is a great book, SG-1 is an awesome show, and I have a dress style that can include much much more than plaid shirts, sports jerseys, and hoodies.  
  I learned sometimes people move away, but that doesn't mean you have lost them, sometimes people move out of the singles ward, and you can still be friends, and sometimes people move right back into the singles ward after a couple weeks, because they missed you and still did their visiting teaching any way.

 In February, I met Michelle, and she became one of my most awesome friends of all time. I learned sometimes sad and painful things happen in our lives, but they can create new opportunities for beauty and growth, and trials really can be blessings. If Michelle's husband hadn't died bringing her to the singles ward, and I hadn't been having a bit of a hard time and needing someone to talk to when she and I kicked  dodge balls and chatted almost a year ago, I would be missing out on one of the greatest friendships of my life, and getting to spend sometime with four of the most awesome kids on the planet.

    Ali taught me that its possible to change your life completely, almost over night, and that you never know the impact of doing your visiting teaching, even if its just by chatting and becoming friends over Facebook. She brought me to open mic night, where we learned its best to overcome fears with a friend by your side. She brought little Naomi into our lives, and taught us that we ought to love to see the temple. And this year was a year of going to the temple-  with Julie and Isaac, Karen, Carolyn, Tracy,and anyone  else we could get to join us. 
  Toni taught me the importance of a good road trip and the tastiness of edemame. We saw most amazing views and had fun at a tourist trap. 
 


 Because I made personal preparations, and went with people who did the same my April trip to Utah changed my life more than I could ever have imagined, and I hadn't even planned to go. I met my new awesome friend Natalie, and got to know her cousin Keegan, and I got closer with sixteen other people who I spent hours driving with. My opinion on family and marriage changed completely, and I learned to love and appreciate my own family in a way I never had before. It didn't hurt to have the cutest and smartest nephew in the world around either. 
  I went to Sectionals in figure skating, and almost got my Axel this year- a goal 18 years in the process. Next year for sure!!! I also skated the part of a vulture and half of an elephant!!!  I got called to serve in two Relief Society Presidencies which I have learned so much from
 I dated Colton for three weeks, Went on dates with Aaron for two weeks, Decided I liked Chris just in time for him to move back to Reno, and went on another road trip to Utah with Jon, Tracy, and Jessica. 
  I wrote a short story that will soon be published, and then I wrote a novel in a month- still being edited. I lived in three places, finally landing in Poulsbo,  survived a doggy related financial devastation, and became friends with Jennifer, who I didn't really think I ever would. I became friends with Katie who is the most like me thinking person I have ever met, and who is the funnest person on the planet to play sports with and watch lord of the rings. 
  I came to realize that Brielle and I were meant to be friends as we make a great team- even to the founding of a book club- people who like to read books and get together and talk about it, and our own independent random acts of service movement that I am pretty sure changed a few lives because Michael keeps mentioning it, to name one more great friend I gained this year. 
 Derek was here, and he taught me how to fight with Nerf swords and conquer Europe with Diplomacy. 
I wish I could go through and mention everyone and everything that has happened and shaped my life this year, but There isn't time, and you don't want to read it, so I will sum it up like this, Last year at Christmas my dad came out and before he left he gave me a priesthood blessing. 
 All I can remember is that he blessed me that I would find good friends that would help me find my path in life, I found great friends, and I found my path in life. I am more me than I have ever been before. I have found and tapped into the beginning of my true potential. 

AXEL!!! ha ha, almost, but not really

To update everyone on my skating, Today I attempted the Axel without the aid of a harness. Now, considering it has taken me 18 years of skating, or sometimes not skating, to get to this point, I will say I am earning this jump. Today I was very very close, in fact, I totally could have had it, one thing held me back, I psyched myself out.
  My attempts with the harness on tight proved mostly successful,, So my coach loosened the harness belt so it really wasn't very effective at all, which was quite effective. I did the jump basically on my own, I just had a mental safety net. So what did my coach do after that, she detached the rope from the harness. Then I was just wearing a pretty blue harness belt and jumping on my own. With each attempt Iwould start out brave and fully committed, right up to the point where my toe was supposed to push off the ice and send me into the air, and then, i would sort of push off, rotate 180 degrees, and then just land on two feet. I could totaly have done 540 degrees, but I felt so alone and scared without my training wheel mental back up of the harness.
 Now, I will be honest, I have not been as dilligent at doing off ice Axels as my coach would have me be. But, after today, I promise I will do them every day. Then next time I try to do an Axel without a harness, I should be able to finally rotate and land just as I should, fearlessly. have a happy Saturday all. And if you are in the Bremerton area next saturday, our club show is at 7:30 pm, sunday 2:30 pm, bremerton Ice arena. We've worked hard, so come see.
   I will be in two numbers, the adult number- I will be a vulture- and awesome. and the Tot number, I will be the front half of a hillarious elephant. the theme is Jungle Book. See you there. =)

Dear Prince Charming, You stolen my heart, then left me on the shelf. What gives?

Since I am finished writing my novel I thought I would treat you all to a little "fairy tale" of sorts. Enjoy


Once upon a time, in a land far far away lived a not so young princess, who was single and had come to the realization that her father, the king would soon die, and she would be left to reign and rule alone. Her father was a kind and goodly king, who, although he encouraged her to do so, never forced, or compelled her into some awful arranged marriage situation, as he didn't want to be responsible for having his daughter marry some great weenie, he wanted her to be responsible for that.  
  The daughter, who didn't feel like she was very interested in marriage in her younger years was quite grateful to her father for this, but as the time of his death drew near, the weight and burden that would come with ruling alone started to press upon the not so young, but very beautiful princesses mind.  She came to the conclusion on her own that it was time she seek for her prince, and  continue on the family line so that some evil step cousin didn't get to rule and terrorize her beloved people upon her own death.  
  The Princess decided that she did want, however, to choose a great and noble prince, equal in talent and intellect to herself, adventurous, brave, respectful and of course attractive.  
   Sorry, slight interruption here, but no one really wants to marry a toad. Just remember there is a butt for every seat, as my dad says, and therefore some one to find every type attractive in some way, so I am not saying every man needs to be Taylor Lautner in the looks department, don't get me wrong. The princess just wanted someone she didn't find repulsive, and that she actually wanted to kiss.
  At any rate, it was time, and she knew what she was looking for. She had the king send out a proclamation to kingdoms far and wide, inviting princes and noble men to come to meet the princess and see if they were a compatible match. There were some peasant impostors dressed as princes, but by their very manner the princess weeded them out. 
  Four Princes came, the first from an Island kingdom in the midst of the sea. The princess found him very tan and muscular and attractive. He was an absolute hottie, but  she soon found that he treated her with respect only when the other knights and members of the kings court were around. She soon sent him packing back to the Island he came from. 
  The second prince arrived dressed in shining armor. He was everything the princess ever thought she could possibly want. Gorgeous, financially set, his own kingdom was in order, and  he loved adventures and made her laugh. He also appeared to love her. She had so much fun, she thought this was for sure the one, but duty called the prince back to his kingdom, and once there, he soon forgot about the princess and went on in single life with no further desire to seek marriage.
 The third prince came also from a far distant kingdom,  He wrote many letters to the princess, and sent many gifts and servants to the princess as he came on his way. With his letters and gifts he began to win her heart. On paper he seemed perfect, and so fun, she thought surely she would love his personality as much in person. But alas , When the prince arrived the princess found him to be quite dull, and unimaginative, and sadly, unattractive. Which, she thought was quite a shame as she had so set her hopes upon this one.
  Just as the third prince had arrived so had another prince from a very near and neighboring country. She had known him some what during her life, and thought he was indeed handsome, though not quite as much as the second one. His kingdom had great potential but was currently suffering an economic set back. He had great talent, and skills, he loved learning, and adventure, and dancing. 
  The princess was swept off her feet. To be kind she sent the third prince away. The fourth prince soon had won her absolute affection and adoration. One night, he snuck into her room in the middle of the night and kissed her gently on the lips. She was under his spell. 
  In that instance, the prince stole her heart, quite literally through his spell which was in his song. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j82FBbgpUy4&noredirect=1 Her heart now belonged to him. She was in a sort of dream like waking slumber from that moment on, and was only truly alive when the prince was by her side.
 A sudden problem in his country, called the prince away quite unexpectedly, but he promised he would return soon, as he also adored the princess, but he did not return her heart at this moment. Without him everything she did seemed very unimportant indeed. She wrote him daily letters, and he wrote daily replies.  

 His letters contained enough magic to bring the princess to vivid life again for a day at a time. Worried about his daughter, the king found an enchanter who provided her with a soothing song and dance that also made her more lively when the letter wore off, though never quite as good as the prince himself could do. She would often listen, and make up a dance routine in her head. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtVh8kVZ_XM. 
Upon hearing this the prince swore he would return and dance at the ball with her to the song she so loved as soon as he could take leave of his kingdom. 

  Before he could reach the princess, he was overtaken and captured by her evil cousin. Not knowing that he was captured, and fearing he had abandoned and forgotten her as the second prince had done, the princess wrote one short last message to her prince "Dear Prince Charming, You have stolen my heart, then left me on the shelf. My kingdom in now in great peril. Why do you not return? What gives? Have you also forgotten me, my love?" 
 The princess of course did not hear back from her prince, but despite his captivity he tried to send rays of sunshine to keep the princess somewhat lively until he could hopefully return to her. She would feel this occasionally, and begin to hope, and then it would wear off and she would feel quite sad and alone. The princess soon wondered if she had been cursed by the enchanter, and was destined to always loose the princes she thought she loved, and always receive the adoration of those she didn't.
 Upon her fathers death she found a way to continue on her reign, and make the kingdom run, but she wondered if she had been forgotten and left on the shelf, like a dented can of baked beans, covered in dust, spending till her expiration date waiting for her prince to come. 
                                         Not the end, but that is where we will leave off for now. 


How many of you girls have ever felt like that princess?

Novel writing is hard, Finish music is cool, if you think you want to date me, Don't read my Blog.

So, I am not doing so well writing my novel today. I have 6,000 words and I am stuck. No idea where to go with this now. But, I am enjoying the new CD my coach bought me from Finland. The singer ironically used to be a figure skater. 
 So in other random news, Karen and I have made disclaimers for anyone that is interested in dating us. She can share hers on her Blog, but mine is  

WARNING: If you want to date me, Don't read my Blog, don't have your family read my Blog, and if you do read my Blog, Don't comment to me randomly outside the sphere of my Blog that you have read my Blog and want to know if something is about you!!!


I honestly write a lot of the things I do to get people to think and discuss things, not because it is my exact precise opinion on them. Yeah, it is my opinion, but the point is, I want thought and discussion on the web to come of it, not you reading about my experience I had dating someone else and think that I was randomly talking about you. I need freedom with my Blog to write these type of thoughts without feeling outside pressure or influence that I have to worry about offending individuals. I will worry about offending the masses, a little, and write it any way. But if I have to worry about each and every person that I know is reading this, I will never be able to write anything. If you can date me and not get all paranoid, then you are welcome to read my blog, other wise future boyfriends (and their families), KEEP OUT.  and that is all I have to say about that. 

National Novel Writing Month

so its national novel writing month http://www.nanowrimo.org/ and I am participating. My posts may be less and few and far between this month, if I am busy writing. Or, they may be more than ever as like now I have written a title page and am terrified to continue, and there for am stalling by fb ing and playing on my blog. anyone who wants to join me, lets go for it!!! should be fun. now how to make that cool story in my head I already thought of appear on paper, humm. iki.

I love My Home Evening group

You know, sometimes I really under appreciate them, but tonight I realized just how much I do love my Home Evening group. They are all so fun and interesting, even when I feel pretty crappy they make me smile. I learned alot about how homogenized milk is useless crap today for one, and  that Jake can have a crazy imagination and if he is ever in charge of a haunted house I am not going there because I would never recover. Bottom line, I love me group. I learn so much from them and at a minimum am  very entertained for an hour and a half on Mondays. and we had a decent spiritual discussion. I encourage everyone everywhere to discover the joy and amusement that comes from having Family Home Evenings, and If you are a YSA in a ward or branch with home evening groups, I encourage you to attend. You never know what you may gain from it.

When I'm sick, I sleep on the couch. When I'm not I sleep in my bed.

I just woke up from a five hour nap on the couch. I came home from work today, as pale as a ghost and feeling very weak and nauseous.  The second I walked in  the door I grabbed a blanket and passed out on the couch. I vaguely remember two other people showing up at various times to walk my dog for me, which I was grateful for because he kept dropping a Frisbee on my head ever five seconds. 
 At one point when I woke up I kinda realized something, Except for very rare occasions I sleep on the couch when I am sick. You'd think my own bed would be more comfortable and preferable, but no, if I am sick, I want the couch. I think it comes back to when I was a kid,  my mom always had us sleep on the couch when we were sick so that she could have easier access to helping us (I think, I don't really remember but this makes sense.). 
Now my mom is no longer here to help me but sleeping on the couch is closer to the kitchen, if I need water or something, but further from the bathroom- so that's a draw back. My own bed wouldn't have woke me up when people came to walk my dog, but if someone came without their own key I could easily get to the door to contaminate them.  I still like sleeping on the couch when I am sick. Its somehow comforting.

"When You're My Age, And Not Married Yet..."

I will never forget when I was about 20 years old, and going to Snow College, in Ephraim, UT (GREAT school by the way, I highly recommend it to anyone), there was a 28 year old New Zealander called "Pup" (yes, that was a nick name). Pup was, well, Pup was a hottie by any definition of the word. Brilliant green eyes, muscles upon muscles and that accent! Whoa! yeah. I was way interested in him, but way too young for him. So I tried to set him up with a similarly aged cousin (at least maybe we could get some good genes like that in the family, yeah?). During Said attempted Pup said something to me that I have NEVER forgotten. He said "When you get to be my age, and your not married yet then there is something wrong with you" 
   To Pups defense, for those of you thinking that is horribly cruel thing to say about yourself or anyone else, when you get to be my age (3 months from 30), and  you are still not married, well I think at least subconsciously you have to have thought that about yourself at least once.  Now, I just realized I had done this about myself the other night. Usually I remember Pups words when I am starting to go on dates with someone that seems to be interested in me, and I begin to question about the guy- Hold on a minute, you are nearly 30 and not married, why? there has to be a reason, am I missing something that is going to sneak up and bite me in the butt later?  I think it is good to be a little cautious, but I don't want this question to make me constantly run away or nit pick myself eternally out of marriage, but  I'll be honest, I do ask myself that question about people. 
 In all fairness, I realized while talking to a friend last night, I do the same thing to myself. So its fair. You see, when I am certain and my friends confirm a guy seems to really like me, I ask why. I mean, I know I am supremely awesome and super talented and all that but why do you like me so much when so many others did not?  and then the root question finally comes out- If I am this old and not married, surely you must realize that   
there is a reason in fact that I am not married yet? right?  well, it sounds harsh, but its true, there is, or in my opinion, was,  a reason. I have worked on that reason and feel I am nearly ready now, just lacking the man. 
 I am an extremely honest and open person, so I will tell you why I am not yet married- I saw too many bad marriages around me growing up. Too many extended relatives in abusive marriages, too many marrying cheaters, and beaters, etc.  and on top of it I heard some constant criticisms  and people in marriages that have stayed together and are relatively "happy" marriages constantly tell me for as long as I remember that they had made a mistake and wished they never had gotten married to whom they did.
 All of this persuaded me that  I had better be extremely cautious in choosing someone that I believe I will be married to through out all eternity. I am still cautious, but now it is within reason, and I have come to believe that marriage can be a good and happy thing, and is now something I actually desire, where as until about eight months ago that was  very defiantly not the case if I am honest.  
 What I came to realize talking to my friend last night, was that alot of people ask the same question- why would you be interested in me? is this a game?  and also Why are you so old and still not married?  With the increasing numbers of us older singles, I think its important we recognize why we are at where we are, but also realize that there is a balance, and no one is perfect. Just some food for thought, on an old thought that keeps returning to my head. Pup, I don't know where you are or where you went, but I still believe there is a lot less wrong with you, than you thought. lots of love to you man, where ever you are. 

If I write about a DATE in the title will you read this? I bet so.

So, I have a lot to talk to everyone about, and yes, there is a date to mention. Right now I have a massive headache and I feel like my brain may explode. its been that way for a few days, so I need to get this all out. Its been a crazy month. But Saturday, I learned something about myself- Sometimes to accomplish one goal, I need to focus on another. 
 So Saturday morning at the rink, My coach asked me what my goals were- did I want to test?  compete?  Shows? What? and I said "oh yes, I want to keep doing all those, but first I just want to focus on getting my Axel." well my coach pointed out to me that, even though it was a good goal, and important, I needed to keep working on everything, including my foot work, if I were to both get my Axel and progress on in my testing. Its true, My lack of practicing my "moves in the field" as they are called had hurt my progress on the Axel. all those boring little things like three turns help you with arm position and take offs and all that important stuff to not die on the Axel. 
   So tonight, on a related but completely different note, I skipped Home Evening group, and went and had Family Home Evening with my friend Ali and her baby Naomi. I have felt so off balance since I got home from my road trip to Utah, and I just needed an evening with a real family, discussing spiritual things and getting all this stuff and emotion out of my head. So that is what we did, and that was what I needed. I felt really bad, because I guess I was supposed to do the lesson for my group, but I completely had forgot about it and wouldn't have been prepared any way. 
 The problem you see, is that like my Axel, I had alot invested emotionally in this road trip- seeing friends and family, old mission presidents and Baltic peoples, oh and yeah, I did a road trip across 900 miles each way and had dinner with my family and the guys family together and all our families were putting massive pressure on the situation. and I came back and just wanted to write about it, but I know people that were involved read this blog. But you know what, I just have to say what I just  have to say, and I can't hold it in any more.
    I will be honest that I went into that trip with a lot of big expectations, and pressure, from myself and from outside. I had developed a great friendship over a year- long distance, and I wanted to meet the man in person and see what happened. I got scared and nervous, but I talked myself out of fear, and despite the pressure I think I gave the most fair and honest chance I could to seeing how things went. 
 It was an OK drive from Seattle to Utah. General Conference was really good, but I didn't feel anything specifically for me like last time, just a lot of good general stuff to keep me on the path.  I learned alot though, about me, and my guy friend. Road trips are good for that, getting to know people, I think.  It weeds out alot of fronts you could other wise have the energy to put up. Dinner wasn' too bad except when a certain sister in law cornered the guy and asked his intentions ( I love you Mel, but if you do that again. . . ) 
 well, there was that, and I think I just had so much time running around visiting friends, and trying to spend time with my mom, but not really spending quality time, just like quantity time, that it was hard. I think everyone  got rushed, except maybe Natalie who is really fortunate, and awesome.  
      
 There was just tension and friction in the air. We got back to Seattle and had an amazing game night and temple night with my friends here, and my guy friend. We went on like a dozen dates in three days - the zoo, the aquarium, the space needle and a bunch of other places.  Well we came to the end of it and I had some thinking to do ,because what I discovered was  that I found him in the friend zone ,and that was all, and it was tough and i didn't want to say it because i was afraid people would think i was running away again, I was afraid I was running away again, plus how many months ago did I get put in the friend zone and I know how much that hurts. 
   
   Well, but I knew I had to be honest. So as soon as I checked I wasn't running away I informed my friend he was in the friend zone. That is hard,  but it was necessary, because its true and its not going to change  no matter how many tries I give it. But i still had fun ,and it was a great trip, and I wrote a short story out of it, so there ya go. 


 but any way, like my Axel, I was told tonight by Ali, to focus on other things so I am not worn out by all that happened that week, and what I want and what I think I need and everything, So I will focus on some other things, like my calling for a bit, and that will be good for me. I am going to write a novel in November. I am looking forward to it. I hope that brings everyone up to speed. if you are confused, i was trying to be a little ambiguous because I don't want to embarrass my friend or anything, he still is a great friend. but I have to write, its just how I am. good night all. there is you update.

Bored At Work? 10 Things You Can Do To Make A Boring Job Fun

  Ever had one of those days you just didn't want to be at work, and the day just dragged on and on? Ever had a week of that?  It doesn't matter what your job is, everyone has days they just don't want to be there. Some people have jobs that they never want to be there- Telemarketing comes to mind.  Well, today I had a blast at work, so I thought I might share part of my secret to enjoying a day back at work after two weeks off- resulting in piles and piles of boring crap, that I actually enjoyed working on. So adapted for multiple types of work, here are ten of those ideas to help you out. 


1- Listen to exciting soundtrack music from John Williams!!! What could spice up a boring day at the office more than Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, or Harry Potter theme music. 


2- While listening to music from #1, go and get the mail, imagine you are being chased down the corridor by a giant stone, storm troopers, a T-Rex,  or HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED!! AHAHAHAHA 


3- Not everyone can listen to music at work. If you work somewhere exciting like a Wal-Mart, or a bank, you can always imagine cool back stories on the people who come in to share with your friends later- Maybe D.B. Cooper visited your bank to deposit some moist and moldy old money, or maybe that woman returning the car seat is really part of SG-1, and took it to an alien planet  where all those crusty boogers multiplied so quickly.  


4- If you are lucky enough to work in a Lab of sorts, your fun could be endless!!!  You could pretend you are  the mad doctor creating Frankenstein. after every sample result comes back you could laugh a mad laugh and go "its alive!!" 


5- If you work fast food, you can imagine you are in the fast food Olympics, make your country proud, Go for the gold!!!


6- if you get to drive, oh how lucky you are- Indy five hundred time!! just don't get a ticket. or maybe better yet, you could pretend you are a CIA agent, trying to get evidence to the home base before enemy spies can track you down and destroy the evidence. 


7- really boring office job? spend a day imagining you are Pam from the office. decided which office character each of your co-workers really reminds you of.


8- write a parody in your head about your job, to whatever song you are listening to. I made one once, it was Katy Perry's Firework, and I changed it to  "oh baby your a TCO" which none of you would get because you don't know what a TCO is.  One time me and my co-workers made ourselves into a fictional band, playing staplers, and the computer key board. we named ourselves after a number code we had to enter into the computer for errors. Or you could always just go test out the acoustics in the bathroom. (hopefully its empty when you start singing) 


9- If you are lucky enough to commute to work by ferry each day, and have an awesome view of the water and ferries, you can always look out and see why the boats are stopping, and ask yourself- did someone jump today, yet again? or  Is that an orca down there? is that why the slowed? 


10-  If all else fails turn your job into a competition against yourself. time yourself. Can I do this faster and better than I did yesterday? or maybe  Can I answer the phone and sound more professional and awesome than I did yesterday? or if you are a garbage man - can I get all that garbage in the truck under 3 minutes without spilling it all over the road?   




see, work can be fun, no mater what it is. I didn't cover all jobs here today, but I think you get the idea. Get to work you slackers!!!

What I'm Trying To Say Is, Thank You, I'm Glad You Exist, Friend.

Well, Today was one of those days that just reminds me of how much God loves me, and how much he is aware of my needs, and all our needs really. Today at church we had a change in the Bishopric and that always makes one think. Because God has put into my path people who have had such an impact and made such a change in me that I will forever be grateful for their existence, I count them among my best friends.  But, others have made such gradual adjustments to me and my life I sometimes miss it. Sister Gibbons, Thank you. I always appreciated your being around, and all that I learned from you in choir, and just your life advice, but I don't think I recognized how much you have impacted me, and all the Bishopric wives in our ward. Now, I just had another interruption, just after I started to write this blog that actually completely applies to it.  In Relief Society today we had a lesson, and it reminded me of well, who I used to be, some past trials I had to get through, and a friend, who happened to be there, who because of her experiences and stories that she chose to share with me at just the time I was in need of them. I don't think I will ever be able to say anything more than that. I will really probably never be adequately able to thank my friend, or ever explain to her what she did for me, but I wanted to try -again- because today reminded me of that sense of eternal indebtedness I feel to her.  So I sent her a text, and failed to say  anything at all of what or why I felt like I did, because I can't. I don't know how.  But , a short while after I sent the text, I got the interrupting phone call from her, and apparently my text came when she needed it most. So what I learned from this is that God is taking care of us, and he knows who to put in our life and when. When we express gratitude to that friend, and to God you never know you and that friend may both benefit from it, or maybe  only you will, and it will just be nice words to them, but you never know, so say it anyway.  So, what I am saying to all of you, each of you, Ali who sits by me when I sing loud and miss the notes I choir, Jon who has taken my phone calls and texts whenever I need you, to Brielle who always supports me in my crazy ideas, to sister Gibons, to sister Heartman, To sister La Mar,  to sister Stoner, to mom and dad, to Jen and Karen, to Michelle for staying up late nights talking to me, to Jons dad for reading my blogs with bad spelling, to my teachers and leaders and mission presidents, my companions, my roommates, and my family back in Utah, and Amanda, and Jill, and Hannah, To all of you who have been by my side, who have taught me, who have made me who I am today - What I am trying to say is thank YOU, I am glad YOU exist. Friend.  You and the friend who called, you have all made me who I am today, and I am glad, because I have become awesome, and am growing awesomer everyday, and a year ago, I was living well below my privilege and you have changed my life FOREVER.  Merci, Danke, Spaciba, Aciu, Paldies, Gracias, Kiitos, Arigato, Sheshi !!!

Finding My Center- Center Ice, Center Bike, Center Forget Me Not...

So, today was a very busy day, but very very awesome. I woke up early and headed to the rink for the first time in three months. I cannot even begin to explain the calm and peace I felt as my blades hit the frozen surface and the cool crisp smell of  ice filled my nostrils. Soon my coach came (like as soon as I hit the ice) and we started going over footwork stuff. I had gotten a little rusty, but not bad really at all. And then, It was time to jump, and I was still getting some pretty big air even though I was out of practice. I did all my jumps Waltz to Lutz and then I did them in combination with either a toe or a loop. The sensation of flying through the air over the ice, it just brought me a new energy and calm that I can get and find in no other way.  
  Right after ice skating, I went to my friends house and did some repairs on my car. Turns out I needed new break pads stat!!! So my friends dad, who had just pulled up ten minutes earlier on the Harley, decided to take me  on the Harley to NAPA to get all our auto part needs. I love that bike, can I just say!! the only thing that has ever come close to calming, and centering me like Figure Skating is motorcycle rides. AND it was a beautiful day. cruising on the bike through trees and sun and hills and twistys with the wind in my face and hair and soaring free!  So very very nice these two things. I felt at the end I could handle almost anything, even the cost of new breaks on a tight budget.  
Finally tonight, I went to a Relief Society humanitarian night, we worked on all sorts of projects, and I learned some fun Scottish sayings to tell if people are too drunk. and when that was done I got to listen to the General Relief Society broadcast, and in that broadcast President Dieter Uchtdorf talked about the Forget Me Not flower, and five things not to forget. I loved that talk. It was exactly what I needed to hear. The five things not to forget are 1)  have patience and compassion with yourself- God is aware you are not perfect, and that those you think are perfect are also not perfect, but that you are trying. 2) There are wise sacrifices and there are foolish sacrifices (this one was the most for me) i.e.- staying up all night to make a scripture case that I would have worked better on with sleep- foolish,   staying up late at night talking to a friend in need- wise.  3) Find joy and happiness now,  where you are, in the simple things, and not in winning the golden ticket- enjoy the candy bar even if all your dreams don't come true in this instant. 4) Never forget the WHY of the gospel of Jesus Christ. as important as where and what can be, Why lifts us up and inspires us, it give it meaning, not just a motion. 5) never forget that your Heavenly Father knows, loves, and cherishes you.  


enough said. That talk gave me one more thing to find my center. I now feel balanced. Now, just to go to sleep so that I am not being foolish. thanks for letting me share- it was a wonderful calming day. I love You all and so does God. 

Dwindling In Fatigue

So, as you noticed lately my posts are few and far between ,and in recent weeks, pretty crappy. My friends are almost constantly asking me if I am okay. Can I just say to everyone I am fine. I am even happy and quite content right now. I have a lot of true friends that I love and know are loyal to me. I have family that I love and get along with better than ever. I have a calling that is demanding, but in truth, I love it. I have a few good men around (well kind of around, they could live or stay closer and that would make me even happier) that I adore and who seem to adore me (please continue your adoration, I do not find it offensive in the least bit). So what then is the deal with Mandi? sometimes I am supper funny, and then I just get a  look. Well, I will tell you exactly what it is, I am dwindling in fatigue. I run and run and run some more. I think of more and more little projects to do, and I sleep less and less and less. I enjoy all these little projects, they are fun, but time is a precious commodity and in short supply, so sacrifices must be made, and I always make them in the sleep department.  I average 5 hrs of sleep, but it is slowly getting closer to 4. I am doing mostly fine with this, except I can't keep it up much longer, or I am going to just stop caring. My friend Jessica warned me. She does this too, and then you just get emotionally drained. You forget why you are doing anything, and nothing becomes very important. I am near that point. And so, I pledge to you all that I will get some sleep, Soon, I hope. Okay I will sleep when I am dead,  and maybe a little tomorrow. Okay, fine, so that I can love all of you, think rationally, and be funny again, I will get 8 hrs of sleep before Sunday is through. In the meantime, know that I still love you, somewhere deep inside, but to quote a country song  due to a lack of sleep "my give a damn is busted"  So I guess I'd better go fix it, and not swear any more. have a good night and sweet dreams to you all.   (snoring )

Sick Sycorax slickly Snicker at Sloths

So, lately, I have been really tired. At night, when its time to sleep, I am not tired. During the day, I cannot hardly stay awake. the result of this is that I can be very witty and funny, and then just too tired to get anything. One of my friends is sick, she feels really terrible, hasn't been able to eat or sleep because she is in pain. The thing is though, whenever she expresses this it comes out really really funny, and then I feel bad because I am laughing my guts out at her pain. That seems wrong on so many levels, but you know what, she seems okay with it, so I will keep laughing. Now, I think I will go to sleep because my wittiness is disappearing. but in the mean time, if you see a sick Sycorax slickly snickering at sloths, I highly recommend that you call The Doctor, because he knows how to deal with things like that. Me snickering at my sick friend, well, he'd probably just join in, but Sycoraxes are his forte. just sayin'. 

"For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?"

Tonight I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes from pride and prejudice "For what do we live, but to make sport for our neighbours, and laugh at them in our turn?". well, today  i made sport for my Family Home Evening group when I locked my keys in my car. ran into some of them and their families after at the grocery story, and we all had a good laugh about it. unlike times in the past, even though I had a lot to do tonight, and it was a great inconvenience that i was an idiot and locked my keys in my car, I realized that this was an opportunity for others to provide me with service- taking me home to get my keys, we bonded. and for me to provide laughter and entertainment, not only for others, but also for myself. we all laughed, and i feel pretty happy about that. I have a lot to do tonight, so i can't write much, but my friend Jon told me earlier today about some things he could have let get him down and be upset about, but he said that they were "challenges" and he was "winning" so, that's how i look at it today. I had some challenges, and I won, and I had a good laugh, and provided my friends with a good laugh. tomorrow can be your turn, you can make me laugh. I know some lady in Seattle today provided me with a laugh and it was wonderful. i don't even know her, but some skinny blond 40 yr old was wearing an "I love fried chicken" shirt, and carrying around a Pee Wee Herman doll talking to it. i don't think she was insane or on drugs, so i found it really amusing. thanks for the laugh lady!!!

September 11th, some memories

so,  four years ago, i wrote a note about Sept. 11th on FB. I dont really have any new thoughts on the matter, so i will share with you from that note titled "the september 11ths of our lives"    here's to Kim and to others who have gone on.  May we all strive to forgive and love one another at all times.
"

the september 11ths of life

by Mandi Marquardt on Tuesday, September 11, 2007 at 2:43pm

Today is an interesting day for me, its like some strange parelle universe were different times and events are comming together in something that just makes you think about how fragile life is, and how stupid people can be with the way they spend their time here on this earth.
You see today is strange to me. today we remember a tragidy of 150 years ago, - mountain medows masacre- "One hundred and fifty years to the day that 120 emigrant men, women and children were massacred at Mountain Meadows in southern Utah, hundreds of people gathered today in a communal memorial service at the grave site, some 35 miles from Cedar City." - Church News. a tragedy that needn't have happend. and then there was sept. 11,2001, devistating how little people care for eachothers lives.
And today my September 11th 2007 has broght the 2001 current with the memorial of 150 years ago, and with something else. You see, this day makes me think of the Alan Jackson song- "Where were you when the world stoped turning' i thought of that when i woke up this morning at 5 am to go to work, and it was in my head when i went home from work at 7.30 with the stomach flu. I remember where i was. I found out in Geography class, about the twin towers, but i spent that day with my roommates gathered around a small hand crank radio because we were at snow college where often the power goes out, and so it did that day too. There I sat in our living room with Kim, Mindy, Paige, and Phaedra listening to unbelievable news.
Well this morning sept. 11, 2007, at 8 am Kim passed away, from a battle with cancer. She found out she had cancer just 6 months ago, while giving birth to a new born child. she now leaves behind two children and a husband. And though we will all miss Kim, as it often is with death, sadness is not for those who die, but more for those of us left behind. In a world full of killing, and pain we can remember that all the September 11ths of life, as sad as they are, are important reminders to slow down and remember what life is about, what we are here for , to rememeber to treat others with love and respect. and to honor the memories of those who went on before us doing small but great things to help the rest of us, and to remember there is no happiness in hurting others. well these are just a few random thoughts. my prayers are with kims family, And to her tribute and honor i say- Rarely have I met such a brave soul, and a bold defender of truth and honsty. - you see Kim was always honest, even to the point of being painfuly blunt, unless you knew her, and then you knew it was all said in love. she was the kind of friend who would tell you if your hair looked stupid or if you were wearing something out that you shouldn't, or if you were just being an idiot."

Open Mic Night

So tonight me and my friend Ali performed at Forza Coffe co open mic night. We doubled the crowd with the friends we brought in. I don't think there have ever been so many Mormons in a coffee shop in one night. They mainly drank water. ha ha.  so Me and Ali got there too early, and ended up being 2nd and 3rd up.  I was second. Why I volunteered myself to go second is beyond me. I was so thrown off by not knowing what to expect, I messed up one of my chord progressions. it went mostly good though. It was very weird to hear myself sing on a microphone. but it was a great experience, and I will defiantly be doing it again. Next time hopefully I keep it all good. Ali was next and she was AMAZING. I think she was made for performing with a mic. I am made for my living room and campfires, that is where I am happiest playing my songs, for small groups of friends. But I have decided to start doing good things that scare me every day, so next open mic night, come listen to me. maybe I will loose the fear. night all, and thanks to all those that came for a listen. 

Don't miss the boat, and Don' t forget to get off- the Parable of the 13

So about a month ago I experienced a very unique opportunity that I promised I would blog about. My ward every year goes up to Shaw Island in the San Juan Islands of Washington state. There is a group of nuns up there in their retirement years and later that run like 400 achers of farm land. its big work, but lots of fun to go help out. This year was my first trip. I woke up at 3 am on a Saturday, and met my friend Karen to drive to the church. we had to leave  the church no later than 4 am,  or we would miss the ferry, and miss our day on this island.  
 Amazingly 32ish YSA, leaders, and recently married former YSA were up and this ridiculous hour to go do some hard work on a pretty island, and to spend a lot of time in cars and on ferries.  First we drove in our caravan of cars to the Edmonds-Kingson ferry, its a half hour ride, everyone made the boat, and most people went to sleep. Not my car, I was in the party car. We listened to music and danced, and drove off other passengers sitting in our area. ha ha, sorry to the lone man who made a five second attempt to sleep on our end. 
 We drove off the ferry, and miracle of miracles we all made it to our next ferry run- an hour and a half a way ( think- little foggy on time details here) despite loosing time as we had to stop to get gas for someone who didn't plan on driving (we still love you  don't worry ha ha). so we made the Anacortes- San Juan ferry no problem, broken into three groups of ten on a ten passenger ticket, and a few single ticket holders.  At this point as the ferry left the dock, half of our group was sitting up stairs, and half downstairs.  no longer in our car loads, as they parked and left most the cars on the other side.  There was food down stairs, and we had like an hour and a half on the boat, so we all just relaxed, ate breakfast, slept and failed to worry about anything.  
 As a regular ferry commuter, I failed to worry the most. There was a nagging thought in the back of my head saying, really, the group should probably sit together, but I ignored it and figured I would know how to get off when the time was right and could make sure everyone else did too. So we had a long stop at  Orcas Island - about a half hour of just sitting there. Suddenly the boat started to move. we started to get ready to "Disembark the Vessel" and we waited for an announcement and instructions on what to do. I never heard anything. Some people upstairs and down also didn't hear any announcement. Other people heard we were arriving, but no further instruction, and being unfamiliar with ferry travel didn't know what to do. Most of the group that was down stairs barley made it off at all. And when they did get off, they noticed that about half the  group was missing. 
I was with that half. I tryed to get everyone headed down stairs to get off, and as I did, the boat started to pull away from Shaw Island. my instincts told me to find a ferry worker as quickly as possible. I did so. I explained that there were 13 of us, that were to get off, and had got separated from our group. She talked to the Captain who determined we had to keep schedule and couldn't go back.  We could however stay on the ferry and get off at Shaw Island in three hours, giving us only three hours of service time. We knew the group was going to tease us mercilessly for this when we got there. Numerous calls went out to the Bishop and those on land, letting them know the status. The ferry workers asked us to stay together, sit down stairs where they said. so we did so. 

some of the 13 on the second round of ferry

It was long. Really long. we had already spent two hours on the ferry, then added three more. We tried to sleep. We ate a lot, but really we just wanted off the boat and to go work. We talked about some interesting subjects - Robotics and brains, things like that. i learned a lot. Mainly some people who were struggling with unity found a moment to get to know each other, and love each other more. it was three hours of bonding time. 

\

Hard work, loads of fun

 I'm a llama!! ha ha

 When we did get off the boat, we were teased mercilessly as expected. especially by the Mother Superior- not as expected. but in the end those that had been there working all day still loved and accepted us, and let us eat lunch with them even though we hadn't worked as long as them. and guess what, because we were tired of sitting and wanted to work so bad, when we got there we did six hours of work in three, and really gave our all. 

  In the end, we all had a lot of fun, and enjoyed serving others. I didn't want to ride ferries again for a while though. we had two hours more of them to get home, and Monday I started my regular two hours of ferry each work day. (that has changed thankfully). but there were lots of fun things too- Ice cream, and llamas. If you ever get the chance, go to Shaw Island, and help the Nuns, its a blast. 

                                            friends in the end- roomies forever!!!

Birds, Beastie Boys, and Bouncing Balls

So, Tonight, I wasn't going to write any more, but then I went to activity night. Activity nights have been, well, dwindling in numbers as of late. not that they are any less fun, people are just getting too lame to show up (Karen you are excused as  you are not feeling well today- oh wait, you kinda actually literally are a little lame at the moment, but you are excused from the other symbolic lame because you texted me with a message for everyone at activity night)  ok so continuing, it was the FUNNEST game of volleyball I have ever played.
 I hate volleyball, I always get hit in the face, today was no exception. We all played horribly. Beckah kept yelling at everyone not to kick the ball, I kept yelling back that "international rules clearly state an allowance for  your foot and limbs other than hands and arms to strike the ball"  Poor Michelle just wanted to get order. Adam (who we have now all confirmed could be a voice double for Rob Smith, my former roommates husband) was just being insanely crazy- pretending to be a wind up monkey with cymbals and all, and having me teach him figure skating jumps in the middle of the game. Poor Jen got hit in the face with the ball by Isaac who was taking crazy shots, and whistling the Beastie Boys song "GIRLS"  it took a while to figure out what the song was, and when we did all I could remember was "Girls to wash the dishes" that is a great line.  


any way,  we had a twelve year old on the court.Mike's phone kept going off playing "Firework" and the people sitting in the hall kept closing the gym door- making it hot, isolated and uninviting, so we would open it, Then some idiot brought a bird to the church again, which I think is wrong as its probably a health worry, and a safety worry, and I don't want your stupid bird any where near me. 
 any way, eventually we quit keeping score (did we ever start?) because my team was very definitely loosing. and then it all disintegrated and we made up a new game, as long as the ball is bouncing, hit it and keep it going. This was the most fun game in the world, and I must say, Activity night tonight, despite small numbers was AWESOME. Also a thank to Julie, because since she started dating him, Isaac has become supper entertaining and fun at all our activity nights, and his songs, swats, and other antics tonight were no exception. Rock on! Play on! goodnight. 

A Fun First Date Story

So, last Saturday I had a date!!! It was loads of fun.  He came over and picked me up, and he came to the front door and knocked and waited for me to answer. He didn't sit in the car and honk the horn- 5 gold stars from the Committee for the Recognition of Awesome People for that. 
He came and walked me to my side of the car, and opened the car door for me. 5 gold stars.  We went to a Dr Who pot luck party and my friends house. He brought food for it, as did I - 5 gold stars to us both.  He was going to cook his food himself, and I know from previous experience he is an excellent cook, but he ran out of time- so 5 bronze stars for the thought. 
 He had only seen old Dr Who episodes, and not many, so we filled him in on back story, and we (me and my friend Ali) practiced playing our songs for an upcoming open mic night, so for sitting through hours of Dr who, and guitar, and not complaining but loving it, despite being lost, five gold stars for that. we had fun, we talked , we socialized.  and when it was over at 9 pm, we wanted to go for a walk somewhere, but it was already dark, so we figured most the parks were closed at dusk.
 we took back roads to my house and star gazed. then went to my house and star gazed some more. Finding Ursula major and minor, and Orion's belt, and spotting possibly a planet- 5 gold stars. Randomly liking to learn languages like me- five gold stars =). then he helped me move my stuff to my friends apartment from my other friends house because it was over paint fumed to sleep in. Five gold stars for that, he didn't have to. then we went to my friends apartment and talked till midnight.
 because he was such an awesomely amazing first date, I decided to earn five gold stars myself and walk out to the front porch to say good night. my keys, my phone, my wallet, my dog, my jacket, basically everything was left in the house, because I was just stepping out to give him a hug. I shut the door so my dog wouldn't escape. It not being my lock, i was unaware that it was in fact, locked. So I gave him a hug, and with a smile on my face because it was an awesome date, turned to walk back into the apartment. 
SNAP!!! panic set in. I called him back. He is an expert at lock picking, so he looked at the lock, we tried his card- well I did, and I couldn't card the door because of weather striping. it was too tight, i couldn't get the card in. couldn't call my friend or anyone, and my dog was panicking (he left a little panic present for me on the floor when I got back in.) well, being the brilliant man he is, my date said "no problem, two paper clips and I can get you in there". with that he went to his car, and searched. I went to my car and searched too. after a half hour, we found some paper clips and things that could work.
 He was able to pick the lock, and teach me how to pick a lock too. I got in, unlocked the door, and then went out and gave him a second hug and a thank you. Off to bed, great date.  so, to all the single men folk who read my blog, pick up some pointers from this, because that was a really great date.  thanks all. soon I will tell you about Shaw Island and the 13.  that's all for today though.