U.S. Olympic trials- an appetizer for the Games

Ok, Maybe I am weird... wait hold on, let me rephrase that,  I know I am a bit weird, but I love watching the U.S. Olympic trials- at least for the big four (Diving, Swimming, Track and Field, and Gymnastics) almost as much as I love watching the Olympic Games.  Every two years I put my life on hold for 17 days of me balling my eyes out over a sporting competition. But, every four years,  right before the summer games, I do the same thing in chunks as I watch the Olympic Trials in four sports and just fall to pieces. 


 Usually during this time, I watch, and then I go out side and run, bike, or other wise train myself to be mentally and physically in the games. This year, I am benched with a foot injury =( so I will have to not do that, so instead, I am going to blog my way through the trials, the build up to the games, and then the games itself. I don't expect you to become as weird and passionate about the Olympics as I am, after all  I make this my life every two years- for the majority of sports. I Sang the national anthem with  the athletes every time an american won since at least when I turned two and my grand ma gave me my favorite towel with the Olympic rings and that cute bald eagle mascot from the 1984 Los Angeles games. I used that towel  very carefully and protectively, then hung it like a flag when it started to get thread bear. I am pretty sure i still have it somewhere, in a box.  My mom instilled in me a love and passion for the Olympics, my grandma helped that along, and being a volunteer with the 2002 games in Salt Lake brought it all home.  


I have pleanty of blogs ahead to go on about the history, but to give you a taste, my top ten Trial moments so far- just to wet your appetite for the coming Games. 
  

  10. Chris Colwill  out dives Troy Dumais and Kristian Ipsen to qualify in the #1 spot for the mens 3 m individual springboard.  This was awesome to me, because I watched half the diving rounds in the final (3 of 6) and I had to go to church. Kristian Ipsen seemed pretty solidly in the lead when I left, and Dumais and Colwill were battleing for second. When I got home, and found out Colwill had risen to first and Ipsen fell to third out of qualifying range, i was kind of shocked. Then I watched  the rounds I missed, and his dives were a beautiful thing.

9. I saw someone in mens platform (sorry, dont know who) do a forward 4 1/2 summersault dive. It was one of the most incredible things I have ever seen in my life, and  I have  know Idea how that is possible, but it is a thing  of beauty , and you should definately watch for it in London. 

8. Troy Dumais qualified for his fourth  Olympics in 2 events- individual 3 m mens, and also in the syncro,  at age 32. I am 30, Thank you to all you athletes that keep going and inspiring me (more of those to come in this weeks swimming trials)

7.  Ashton Eaton breaks a world record for track (in decathalon) the first one for the US since 1996, and breaks a 20 year old American record in decathalon. And watching him do it, was something supper special. 

6. The most absolute dead heat closest race I have ever seen in my life!!!!   the 3rd place spot for the 200 m Allyson Felix and Jeneba Tarmoh at 11.068, and they will probably have to do a run off, because its based on whos torso crosses first, and look at them- no difference.  Crazy!!!!  and the games haven't even begun.

5. Sad moment-  Bryan Clay hit a hurdle  with his hand in the decathalon and was disqualified.  he pettitioned and was re qulalifed, and then botched the discus. Every trials has its sad moment where someone who you really expected to make it and go through just gets lost, and i think that was it so far.

4. Ryan Lochte hottie swimmer supreem beat THE MAN Michael Phelps in the 400 MI.  Lochte is the man now. Just sayin.

3 Connor Dwyer comes from a little back, and then blows most the field out on the last 50 of  the  400 IM, except Vanderkaay, who really kicks it in and wins it.  It was exciting watching those two. 

2. Beisel in the womens 400m  IM.   Can I just say that watching this was a very very exciting moment.  Any time I see someone up on the field by a body length I just think its really really amazing,  and it was.

1. Dana Vollmer in the 100 m Butterfly- again Sizable lead on the rest of the field, and  she broke the american record.  lots of records are falling in these trials,  runners and swimmers are beating the field by sizable margins- body lengths in swimming, ridiculousness in track .its exciting. Get the feaver, Start watching. More swimming, more track, and soon Gymnastics to come!!! 

I love to see the temple

I will never forget my primary days, In the merry miss class (10-12 yr old girls Sunday school class). My mom was our teacher, and she taught us how to sign (ASL) one verse of the song "I love to See the Temple".  To this day I still remember most of it, but it really helped me develop a deep love for that song, which also helped me really want to go to the temple someday. I also remember my mom hung pictures of our favorite temples on our bedroom walls growing up. I remember I got to choose mine, and I picked Mesa, AZ because it was different, it looked cool to me and it had palm trees.  As I have grown older, and had opportunities to visit the temple, my love for it has only deeppend.    Temples for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day saints are not just a place where we go to worship God, we have meeting house where we meet regularly to do that. Temples, for us are extra special, extra holy. It is our Heavenly Fathers house on earth, a place where we come closer to God and get a way from the world, that is why there are requirements one must meet to go in there, because its so special, and so sacred. 
    To me, going to the temple just makes me feel like I am home, Like I am close to God, and I can think in there and not worry about anything happening outside, unless its something i need to think and solve and want to worry about at the moment.  At any rate, the temple has been a place that is an integral part of many times in my life. Its where I got closer to my roommates, Where I started to figure out who I am and what I want in life. 
  About a year and a half a go, I started the journey of an important friendship by going with two friends to the temple. We started the three of us- me and one other woman and one other man from my singles ward.  We all became very good friends, we added people to our group of who went to the temple with us, and the man and the woman started dating each other - after like 8 months. It became a habit and a part of my life to go frequently to the temple because of these friends, and I learned things from them, and it was awesome. Tonight  seven  of us went, me, the guy and the girl, and a handful of others. They are engaged now, and will be married very soon. The dynamics of all of our lives have changed extraordinarily over the past year and a half. we have changed, we have grown, and things will continue to change and that is good.  


But for me, one thing has never changed- the meaning of that song  "I love to see the temple, I'm going there someday (hopefully a lot of someday), to feel the holy spirit, to listen and to pray. The temple is For the temple is a house of God,A place of love and beauty.I'll prepare myself while I am young, this is my sacred duty.  I love to see the temple. I’ll go inside someday ( like today =).)I’ll covenant with my Father; I’ll promise to obey. For the temple is a holy place Where we are sealed together ( marriage in the temple that binds families for eternity, not just till death do us part) .As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth: A family is forever." - Janice Kapp Perry


 I love these words because its how I feel. and today, was another mile stone in my temple visits, and even though my life is changing a great deal right now I still LOVE TO SEE THE Temple. LOVE IT!!!  Because as beautiful as the temples are on the outside, Nothing compares to the beauty and peace within them.   Just had to share that with you.

Stupid dumb pig puck!!! he

Right now I am sitting in my bed at a new range of emotional schme schmee schmee. With a bag of Ice on my foot, tears on the verge of rolling down my face (as they have been for weeks now) and a fist just waiting for the opportunity to punch something that wont hurt or be hurt.  A pillow? yeah, I will probably punch a pillow. Man, how I wish I still had my brothers punching bag and boxing gloves available to me. 
  I feel like I have been reduced to a giant block of whimpiness, and everything that I love doing has been ripped far away from me.  What the hackey sacks has reduced me to such a sniveling whiney little wimp?  a stupid little nerve between my big toe and the toe next to it. 
  I have always prided myself on my ability to carry on, skate through the pain,  or play better and harder when I am sick, tired, or injured. I have to admit this one has made me sick tired and injured and I honestly feel like its going to break me. After a month and a half of that feeling like you get at the end of physical therapy when they do the thing with the electric stuff and the ice,  I just cant handle it any more. I  Just don't know why on earth there is any point to anything. I know there is a point, and I know one day this will stop hurting, so I am keeping my self destructive behavior to just yelling at my tried and true friends, crying to my roommate, and consuming burritos and large amounts of chocolate  in short amounts of time.  All I freaking want to do is go outside with my dog and go for a run around the block. But I can't, and  that just makes my heart ache. especially since no one else will take him and the poor boy just wants to go outside and run.  Not to mention the fact that my weeds are growing again and I can't go whack them. my car needs a wash, but I can't do it. I feel like everything I love to do I can't do any more and I don't even have some great reason or story of why, Nothing inspiring, or to pity, just a stupid nerve in my foot has too much pressure on it so its reacting, and its reduced me to useless and I hate it, and I just want to cry and then hit something and then cry some more.  You, over there, my friend, with a far worse problem. Yeah, i wanna care and show sympathy for your plight, but I can't freaking concentrate on anything you are saying because my foot feels like its on fire every time i take the ice off. Sorry, this is just a big whiney blog. but I needed to get this out. I just need to write, and cry.  and just so every one knows, you really can't help me or do anything about it, and constant advice on how to make my foot better is getting irritating. I saw a specialist, i am doing all i freaking can. i just have to be patient now. If you would like to come take my dog for a run, or whack my weeds, or help me make french bread that i really wish i could bake right now, that would be great, but other wise i am really ornery and I would just like your future forgiveness for the insensitive and angry tone i am going to have in my voice till this pain leaves me alone and lets me get some solid sleep for once.  That is all. forgive me, and let me rage a little.  i am done ranting now. thanks
 Mandi

Finally, something to inspire

I have listened to the news a lot this week, and honestly, most of what I heard made me absolutely disgusted with people in general.  From politics, to football coaches, to doping allegations, to violent out of control football/soccer fans.
  But tonight, I saw something amazing, Inspiring, and awesome. I saw a man, that loved his family, and loved God do something that seemed impossible. After a family huddle for prayer, Nik Wallenda walked from the US to Canada on a tight rope, across the Niagara falls. If you didn't get to watch this, you should go find it on YouTube or something.  It was the most tense twenty minutes of my life. And as he walk Nik prayed, a lot.  When finally he reached the other side, visibly exhausted, he and his family were tearful, and the boarder guards were there, and a bit cheesy when they asked for his passport and asked him what the purpose of his visit was - yeah i laughed there. But his answer, his answer described what actually had just happened to me - "to inspire people around the world" Well Nik, mission accomplished. I was inspired, and relieved to see something good in the world. Something inspiring, not disappointing. Thank you for your courage, for the risk, and for daring to dream. That was truly amazing.

The Great Single Transition

 You know, I don't know why I feel like I need to blog after every time I go to the family ward. I have gone to family wards before, and its not a foreign  planet or anything,  but I guess, its just better than whinging on about my injured foot,  and because of said foot, not much else is going on in my life. Plus, sometimes in the singles ward we feel like we get treated as second rate citizens, like the family wards don't respect us. Wow! sometimes we start to sound like the Rodney Dangerfield of the stake.  And, you know, sometimes that was true.  Singles wards are very unique and weird places at times. But good, I think. good learning, growing,  bonding places. 
  So I guess I keep writing about this because I am genuinely surprised at how quickly I as a Single Adult am adapting and loving going to the family ward activities and church. I thought it was going to be way more horrible than it is, and that I was going to feel all weird and isolated, and unimportant, and stuff  because I don't have a husband or kids. 
  
Yes, I did attend a Relief society activity in the family ward tonight, and yes, the sisters in my age range mainly talked about their kids and husbands, BUT ... I was still included, I was accepted as a valid part of the sisterhood,  as an adult, and as just part of the group. I made a lot of new friends today AGAIN, and it surprised me. You know, I was always included and part of the family ward I grew up in in Utah, But those people knew me since I was little, the know my parents, they had a vested interest in my  life over the span of decades. But here I am  hundreds of miles from home, I'm not related to anyone here, no one knows my family or watched me grow up and become an adult, They just instantly love me and accept me for who I am, and you know what else,  we talked about our different trials, me and my new friends. They about their kids, and lack of sleep, and peanut allergies, and school lunches, and learning to use a weed whacker, and I talked about my dog, and trying to find good men to date, and work, and learning to use a weed whacker, and we all talked about our love of crapes. 


So I guess the point of all this is, If any of you singles out there, for whatever reason, are getting ready to transition to a family ward, after years of singles ward,  and you are scared because its going to be different than what you know, and you don't know anyone, etc,etc. Weather you are going in single, or newly married or however, don't worry about it.   Just be a friend ,and you will have friends, and sisters, etc. Be a part of the ward, go to things, contribute, say stuff. You will be able to relate to these strangers, and you will soon find that they are also your family and friends, Just like you had in your home family ward (you know your parents home ward that you grew up in) or in the singles ward. But you have to make an effort, and you can't be too afraid. Just have faith, and have fun.  The same applies if you are moving to a new ward, or a new country, or any of that. Just sayin. 

another blog on single life and marriage

You all seem to like it best when I stick to the topic of single life, dating and marriage. I haven't written one of those since things went wrong with Chris, not really, except to wine about how much I missed Chris. Any way, its been many months now and I feel it is time for another one of those blogs. 


  I once had a roommate who compared us to chess pieces  on a game board called life, and that when we are winning the game, we let God, the chess master decided when and were to move us.  This is true in my life, when I have made such moves I am always far more happy, and safe than when I ignored promptings of the holy spirit and moved some other direction, or not at all. 


 In resent weeks I have begun a transition, from my Young Single Adult ward, to a family ward. Why would I do this? I am very happy in the singles ward, I was productive and had things to do, I had friends, I had a place. Honestly its one of those happy spots I could have stayed in unchanged forever and been perfectly happy. Except life doesn't work that way. Those moments are rewards, and then soon its time to move on, or you quit growing, and to be honest growing is what actually makes me happy. I love my friends, and I miss seeing them every day, but I will still see them.  Here is the thing though, I started feeling back in January that I needed to prepare for a change. In February I felt I should start to easy into the family ward, you know get to know people and such.  


I talked to my bishop at some point and mentally started preparing for the transition. Finally a few weeks ago, I felt I couldn't delay any longer, I needed to start going to the other ward every other week, I felt.  As I decided to do so, I knew it was the right choice. I had a hard time my first Sunday there, probably because I was still in the RS presidency of the YSA and felt I was shirking some of my duties.  Everyone was friendly and I knew I should continue with my plan though.   


This week came and it was time to go again. I've been thinking, because I keep telling my dad a lot of the guys in our generation are a bit peter pan- they don't want to grow up. I realized, part of my desire to hang around the singles ward forever was that I was also being a bit peter pan. I want to grow up, but not really.  I want a family, but not if it means sacrificing too much. This  has always been a bit of an issue with me. So I felt part of the reason I should start going to the family ward is to become more family minded and oriented. 


So today I went, and It was wonderful. After having been released from my YSA calling, I felt completely its where I should be and what I should be doing. I even made two new friends, that are married ,and have kids, and don't live far away in Utah or Lithuania, or Latvia like all my other married with kids friends. i have married friends here, and I have friends with kids here, but the combination of the two  for here in Washington is new to me. 


  That was cool. then we had a lesson about humility- being teachable, Move able, pliable really, in Gods hands so he can mold us into greatness. And then I thought about a story one of my best friends told last night about her boyfriend's brother, and how just about a year ago, he met his wife, in the salt lake temple. He lived in Idaho, she lived in Ogden and they both felt at the same time to go to the temple. More such moments happened and soon small acts of faith and being move able brought them together, answered prayers as they were both seeking a spouse, and now they are married.  


This story combined with today's lessons on humility, was just the recharge to my faith I needed in the marriage direction. I totally feel that God can direct me in a path that can lead to eternal marriage, and soon, but only if I want to, and only if I am willing to be moved in the direction it takes. My faith in following the promptings of the spirit and going to the family ward was step one.  but I realized today, If I am going to get any where with this, I have to be a bit more flexible, Teachable, Humble and movable. because I am not the chess player, I don't see the whole board, and I don't know where I need to be moved or when. But if I trust God, and move when I should, where I should I know it will all work out. 


Nephi, did not just go build a boat right when he knew he had to build a boat. First he prayed and asked where to find materials to make tools, and asked how to make the tools, then he asked for instructions on how to build the boat. Then he built the boat, despite his stupid brothers being all up in his face about it, and then he got everyone on the boat, then he got tied up on the boat, used his faith to get untied, and ultimately made it to the promised land. That is an involved process. So is this. 


I know eternal families are important. I know I want one, and I know I should be working towards having one.  I have followed the directions to the place I was told to move to make the tools, to become family minded. Now it is time to act in faith, Let go of my fear, and watch as the lord works a miracle in my life. I know he will, and he will pace that miracle according to my faith, and personal readiness.  I am excited for the journey ahead, I know it will not always be easy, But I know eventually, I will get to the promised land. 

Called and Released

You know, It was just over a year ago that I was called to be  a councilor in the Relief Society presidency of my YSA ward. I have served under two presidents, and I have learned so much.  Yesterday I was released, and its made me think about a few things. You know, a year ago I was so overwhelmed by the call I started hyperventilating, I didn't know how I was going to do it, it just seemed like such a large responsibility. And it was, but I was able to do it, and I was blessed more than I can ever say for all my time and energy spent. The lord took care of me, so I could take care of his daughters.  
  As I went through out  that calling, It reminded me in many respects of my mission. I was sort of "on call" and worried about it and helping the girls 24-7, just like as a missionary I was concerned about the investigators, less active members, and the general state of the church in the Baltic countries. Half way through this calling I had a change of presidents- just like in my mission, and I felt as emotionally exhausted at half way through this calling, and at the end of it as I did on my mission.  One major difference though, I still had to worry about my job, my skating, and everything else on top of it. As a missionary, I got to just focus on one thing. 


 But, I am grateful for that difference because I learned how to balance things, prioritize, and I learned what my human limits are, and I learned that I think I needed to give myself more credit as a missionary. Another great thing about this calling was I learned how people, friendships, organizations (particularly the church) work, how to schedule buildings, plan activities, get people to come to activities, delegate, teach, and how to conduct meetings. I gained confidence, and I learned to love people and forgive them their short comings.


 I also learned that I cannot fix everyone else's problems, friendships and relationships, but that I am the type of person that will usually try to, at least to some degree.  I learned there is a time to say something, and a time to shut up, a time to help, and a time to teach others to help themselves, a time to correct people, and a time to let them figure it out for themselves.

My mission was a great foundation for building all these things. I started learning them probably in young women's, when I was in all those class presidencies, I learned them more on my mission and then I built on that. Amazing how God teaches us that way- line upon line.  I do remember though, when I came home from my mission I had a feeling that nothing else would ever be as important, that I was some how less great because I was no longer wearing the name tag. I got lost, and I didn't know what to do with my life. Mainly, I didn't know that God could operate as strongly and clearly with me every day as he did on my mission, when I was no longer a missionary.  I didn't know it was possible to have the same level, or even greater level of faith and miracles in my life. 


 But, luckily, before this next great calling and mission to the RS presidency, the Lord taught me something, by showing me how to be just as influential, faith filled and awesome with no calling at all. It was only the six months prior to the presidency calling that I learned this, but now that I am released it is a great comfort to know that calling or no calling, or nursery calling, or cub scout calling or door greater calling, or stake RS calling or what ever, how ever big or small, whatever comes my way in the future, I don't have to miss a step of being a faithful and awesome tool in the hand of God to work miracles. I can help people at any time, any place where I am needed and directed.   That is a great comfort to me, and a big help in transitioning out of a big calling to, for at least a little while- no calling.  
  Its funny, because sometimes we become our titles when we have these big callings.  Sister Marquardt- missionary for the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints, Sister Marquardt- councilor in the YSA RS.  well today I am sister Mandi Jean Marquardt, Daughter of God, your friend and that is all I need to be. 


Yesterday, I taught the RS presidency lesson, it was nice to do that for my sort of fare well to that chapter of my life. My lesson was on the tender mercies of the lord, which I planned over a month ago. only a half hour before church yesterday did I know I was being released, so that lesson was in fact one of those tender mercies. Elder Bednar talked in that talk about how the timing of the lords tender mercies help us to recognize and appreciate them.  That was true yesterday. Last week was so stressful to me, for no reason. I just hit a level of emotional burn out that I just had to be done. Yet for myself, I would probably never have chosen to be done. In fact when the bishop told me they were releasing me, he asked if I considered that a blessing. I knew the time was right, but in the moment, i didn't, because I was scared a bit of the change. But as soon as it happened, I recognized it for what it was- a tender mercy of the lord, he delivered me right when I needed it. '
This week, my stress is gone. I don't have to be as conflicted or emotionally burdened as I have been. I still plan to attend everything, and help out when needed, but today I feel very free from a very heavy responsibility, and I know that the timing of this is just when I needed it. I know I gave my all and I will be blessed for that, and I know that I will continue to give my all to whatever the lord asks me to do. But right now I just get to focus on being Mandi Marquardt, Friend, Sister, visiting teacher,  and on finding an eternal companion so I can build up my own family, and that is all I want to do right now.  I am grateful for the opportunity I had to learn, love and serve, I am grateful for the sisters I have come to know and love, I am grateful I was called, and I am grateful to be released.  I hope that is how I feel at the end of my life too, May it be still a far journey, because its really the same thing- I was called to this earth, to be me here, and one day I will be released, to be me elsewhere. what matters is not where we are called, or what we are called to do, its that we do it, we love it, we grow, and when we are done growing  there, we move on and continue to grow and become.  I love you Girls, and I love you my fellow presidency members, I have loved working with you so much, and I will miss it, a bit. 

OH Canada!!!

So, I just got the opportunity to spend a day in Victoria, BC, Canada with my two aunts and their friend. I had a blast. We went and saw beautiful  Butchart Gardens, we saw the Parliament building, and the Empress hotel. We ate some decently good food. I was pretty happy to be in Canada, and hear their slightly different than ours accents, and all the politeness.  
  You know what the most fun parts of the trip were though? First was taking BC Transit buses to Butchart Gardens. I love nothing more than going to a foreign country and trying to blend in and be as local as possible. One of my aunts has an opposite philosophy, she likes to stand out and proclaim her conservative Americanness at the absolute top of her lungs. It makes for an interesting trip when you mix those two philosophies, but if you learn to roll with it, it can be very fun. 


  Any way, so the fun part was taking the buses, and it was very fun. The bus drivers were all very helpful and polite. We had to transfer buses many times, and it was fun, we navigated it, and didn't get lost once. Part of the time we didn't even have to ask for help because I got the route down.  And, that way, we got out of tourist traps for a bit and got to see what real people are like. I love people watching, so that was great. In fact everyone agrees that our greatest moments were people watching.


  We saw some teenagers pull out their Ipod and set it up and  did some dancing on the side of the street. It was really good hip hop dancing too.  The most interesting thing though was 20 minutes of watching a couple try to parallel park. First the guy attempted. We were sitting at the bus stop across the street  on Government street right by the Parliament building.  My aunt noticed first and commented on how polite Canadians were contrast to Americans because traffic was way backed up and they were waiting for the couple to back into there spot. That is something I personally have never witnessed in this country, so, my aunt and I were amazed.  In fact, none of the four of us there had seen that before. 


  Well, Kudos to the Canadians on their patience with Parallel parkers, and for parallel parking correctly and not going in forward.  That patience lasted for about two minutes. That's a very long time. Traffic was very backed up. Then they gave up and drove around the man. Yes, the man was driving, trying and failing to parallel park. He had made about four attempts at that point.  
  Finally working with a clear street, the man made a few more attempts. FAIL. He wound up parked on the curb. So he went back and forth for another five minutes trying to get off the curb, but remain parallel parked.  Seven minutes later, his girlfriend/ wife/ significant other?  had finished paying for parking and was tired of trying to direct him how to park, so she made him switch places. 
  This is the point where I am nice to the couple and say, it was a large pick up truck, and I can understand it would be difficult to park it. Points to you for trying.  So the woman trades places with the man. Immediately she shows much more promise at getting it done right. she pulled forward even with the car in front and backed it. First attempt looked like it was going to succeed, right up to the point where she should have turned sharply to the right, and she turned left. After four tries, she was in and was almost successfully parked except she was about a foot from the curb. 


  That is where our people watching ended, and our bus pulled up and we didn't get to see if they ever got parked. Very determined people, I am sure one of them eventually succeeded or gave up and called it good.  they probably had to pay for another hour of parking at that point though. 


 The rest of my trip consisted of me buying loads of candy. I love Canadian candy. way better than American candy. Smarties, Lion bars, Aeros, and of course those hard maple syrup candies. I got a few bags of those. I also got some maple syrup chocolates, and this morning after we all got breakfast at our hotel, We got some packets of Canadian peanut butter that was very tasty and creamy, thank you Kraft. mmm. And of course, I got me some maple syrup.  It was a very pleasant trip, and I kind of wanted to stay in Canada, right until that time I crossed the Hood Canal Bridge, into Kitsap County. Looking around, I though, Wow!!! I get to live here!!! OK, I am happy with that. Wheres my dog?!!!

Motorcycles make me really happy

Today, as I was  preparing to "disembark" the ferry as a foot passenger, I looked down below me and saw a lone chopper at the front of the boat.  It made me sad, usually there are a lot of bikes all nestled together at the front of the boat. The owner of the bike soon came and started putting on his gloves and his helmet. He looked pretty cool. But I was sad to not see more motorcycles. Its a somewhat rainy day, but even in the winter there are more than one motorcyclist. I was puzzled as to where they had all gone.  There weren't as many pedal bikes as usual either, or so it seemed. 

 Then the boat started to dock, and the pedal bikes crawled out of the wood work , or would it be Iron work? of the boat.  Soon they had surrounded the motorcycle, somehow making him look far less cool. Perhaps it was all the spandex bicycle shorts?  


Then the boat tied off  and the motorcycle fired up. Suddenly he was not alone, crawling up from the spaces between the cars ( I don't know how that is possible, they are some pretty tight spaces) were a few more motorcycles. and the roar began to grow, and my heart began to leap, and a smile hit my face.  The ferry worker sent off the pedal bikes,  and it was tour De Bainbridge, and then when they had gotten a sizable lead, he cranked his hand like he was sending his own chopper out into the world and shouted "motorcycles." it wasn't like anyone could hear him on a motorcycle, but the lone front man, now surrounded by a handful of others and scooter saw the hand motion and took off.  As I watched them pull out off the boat like  the  Ferries Angles,  all I could think was one phrase  "That is so bad a**"  and it was. 


In a month I plan to take a motorcycle course, get my licence, and maybe in a year I can get a bike. I will borrow one when I go visit my family in Utah, and go on a ride with my pops. But as I looked down at that gang of bikes leaving the ferry, I felt that very soon, I would be a much bigger part of something very cool. Maybe one day, I will even drive my bike off the ferry when i see the signal flash. Until then, I am looking forward to my class, and to some rides with my dad.  This morning I talked about the class and motorcycles with my mom, she said it then and there "you are a girl after your dads heart" well, let it be written, let it be true, when it comes to motorcycles, yes, I am a daddy's girl. 

Running is awesome!!!

I used to absolutely hate running, till about a year and a half ago when I met Julie and Adrian, who love running.  They got me to try it a bit more, and then once I got started I was hooked.  Now, If I have to go more than a few days without running because my schedule is tight it makes me feel like something is missing, and I feel tired and not as good. Today It was sunny and beautiful. I only had time for a half mile sprint before the sun set and it was too dark to be out on my pot hole filled road, But that half a mile was sure the best half mile I have had in a while. I am glad me and my dog got to go for a run. By the way, If you go running with a Jack Russell Terrier,  don't expect to be able to out run him, unless he has seen a rabbit in a bush that he wants to go hunt and stock, its just not going to happen.  

Sounders Games are as Electric as Their Green Jerseys

As I borded the Bainbridge ferry tonight sporting my Real Salt Lake jersey, I was well aware that I was very much in a sea of green and blue, and that is how it continued through the night. I would estimate that about 99% of the ferry passengers on the boats I took both to and from Seattle tonight were full of Sounders fans, each one decked out in a jersey or a jacket, sporting a Sounders scarf of one shade or another  of blue, or grey and electric green. 
  I went with a friend. She was also sporting a jersey, a temporary sounders tatoo on her cheek, and a scarf. As we left the ferry and followed the masses to the stadium it was over whelming, and then we entered and the vuvuzelas were blaring before the match had begun. People had giant green and blue flags they were waving,  and green crate paper streemers flowed constantly from the heavens. I turned to my friend and said, who ever wins,  how ever many goals are scored, its not going to matter, this will be one of the greatest sporting events of our lives. She agreed. It was both of our first soccer games. 
  As the  Game began there was a reverance in an otherwise crazy crowd, everyone was invited to sing along with the national anthem. Everyone was a part of this game. We owned it, and we were part of it, and it was amazing. As the players walked out on the fields all the Sounders fans were asked to raise their scarfs until the kick off was complete. It was an exciting match. Pretty evenly matched and supper full of action, fouls, a yellow  card, One goal- Which I missed because I was shopping for Sounder gear- scored by Real Salt Lake. Very sad to miss it, but there was a sale, and we were only five minutes late coming back from half time!! 
 One thing I love about soccer, is you can pretty much know exactly how long it will go, give or take 5-10 minutes for stoppage time. Something I hate about american sports like basketball, football, and baseball is that the time outs can strech ten minutes left into a half hour or more, or in the case of baseball, you just never know when it will end, it can go on forever.  Honestly, if you have never been to a Sounders game, I recomend it, the atmosphere in that stadium is magical. When we left, some people were a little drunk, and mad that they had lost, but most the people were so happy with having watched the game and been part of the magic, that their sorrow was  not  promenantly displayed . Man, I love this game. 
  In other news, Pottermore is supper awesome, just got my wand and was sorted. I got to choose between gryfindor and RavenClaw, I chose Gryfindor.  Check it out. www.pottermore.com  Now its time for bed. I have to give a talk in the singles ward on marriage tomorrow. I am going to need a lot of sleep for that. Tough subject.  

ten cookies later.....

Even though I saw no violence, and no protesters myself today, the fact that my building had to be closed and all of us sent home for the day early had an impact on me. these situations always do, though I dont really like to say it. Yes, I was working in Seattle, just blocks from the protesters smashing in windows at the federal court house, and yes, I left before they reached my building. I went out during when the protests were going on and certain rouge elements were starting violence, (as I am sure most the protesters were probably peaceful and it was a few bad eggs causing ridiculous trouble for everyone else), but I just went and walked obliviously around Pikes place market on my lunch break. It was quiet, too quiet, for this time of year really, so now that I think of it, and of course there was a greater police and security presence, but that was no surprise to me. I heard talk from security gards about the violence from blocks away as I came back to work, and some talk of it coming our way, but I never thought that they would actually close the building and send us home. So when that did happened, I was shocked,  and then I went home, and passed into the calm peace of Bainbridge island and Kitsap county. Out of sight out of mind, I thought, right up until I finished my tenth girl scout cookie. Then I realized I was actually still a bit upset. I dont like violence. I dont like big shows of disrespect to your fellow man, no matter how much you dislike governments, or corporations, its the little people, the shop owners, the workers, the costomers just like you and me that these people actually hurt, and cost money, and I dont think they ever realize that, and it makes me mad, and sad,  and it makes me eat more cookies than I should. and that is all I have to say about "May Day 2012" in Seattle. 

Busy, Busy Busy

I am so busy I can't even think straight!!! Its spring time, so I've added to my already busy life landscaping and gardening duties. But, I do get more sunlight, so that's good. Well, before I get too whiney, I have picked up a new habit that I am spending some spare time on, after reading "The Girl With the Dragon Tatoo" in three days, ( I was sick for most of it, and couldn't get out of bed, or watch anything without getting a blinding headache and one can only sleep so much) I started to feel better, and a friend mentioned a show I had never heard of before "My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding."  So as soon as my headache went away, I went to youtube and checked it out. I am sure my friends are watching the American version, but on youtube, I found the BBC original series. Having met a fair few Gypsies on my mission in the Baltics, I had to check it out.  I must say, I have discovered that (even though the show features primarily Irish Travellers, and only a few Romani so far) That there are some similarities, and many differences between the Romani people I met and encountered in Lithuania. Well, from what I can tell from a TV show. But there are some similarities too. I think that, and the rediculous wedding dresses and cakes are two reasons I can't stop watching this show!!!!  any way, wanted to let everyone know I am still alive. Happy spring to all!!! Go get married so I can watch!!!

General Conference is my FAVORITE!!!!

 Since the time I was  at least 12, perhaps earlier, my family has had a fun tradition at the time for the General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
  For those who aren't familiar with this, every six months in April, and in October  all of our church  in the world meets together (via satellite broadcast, Internet, TV broadcast, or for those  who can come live in the conference center in salt lake as obviously 14 Million plus people cant all be in one place at once) to hear the words of the Prophets, Apostles, and other leaders of our church. 
  So the fun tradition usually involved food. My mom said since we were having a spiritual feast, we would also have a physical feast. My earliest memories involve conference bingo with m&ms . we played bingo to listen for common words or phrases in conference, when it was over we ate the m&m markers. As I got older it evolved into everyone getting to pick their favorite food, and my mom would cook it and we would have a feast while we watched.  Over time I became more interested in what was being said, then in the food. But we always had a lot of friends over to our house to watch conference. I love this. I love being gathered with others to listen to the words of the prophet
  Now I live far from my family, and I still carry on the tradition of the double conference feast. I decided the words should be the most important part so i try to get the food out before so its not so distracting. But as I had my friends over i really enjoyed the time we spent together.  This weekend I loved listening to the talks as always, because as always it related to things that I knew me and my friends needed to hear. 
  There was a talk about single parents, especially single moms. I have a lot of friends that are single moms, and it was so neat to hear the words of support and comfort to them. I have a friend that has a 17mo old son who has a very aggressive cancer.(See http://ourbravelittlelion.org/)  there were many talks that talked about sickness, and trials and shared very similar and applicable  stories and council for those struggling like my friend with such trials.  I cried as I thought of my friend, and was grateful for the words mentioned in the talks.  There were a TON of talks about the importance of family. At least twice it was said that "Families are the most important unit in time and eternity"  As we see the break down and decay of society around us, the lack of frame work that comes from good families that love each other and work for each other is apparent.  They talked alot about Grace, Jesus Christ, and his atoneing sacrifice for us, to over come trials, sin, and also to forgive and love  others. That was another prevalent theme. My favorite talk on this subject was by President Dieter F Uchtdorf  of the first presidency of the church. His simple council was to love one another, forgive one another, and if there is hate, envy, gossip, or hurtfulness toward others simply to "Stop it". Sister Julie b Beck talked about the wonderful and amazing things that women can do if we will catch vision of what we are supposed to be. It was two days , six hours of talks and singing by the Mormon Tabernacle choir. The song Come Thou Fount  was one of my favorite sung, and filled my heart with joy.  
   I know these men and women are inspired by God, their messages, if listened to, and followed would add greater strength to families and societies all over the world if headed, by members of my church, and non members alike. If you haven't had a chance to hear any of these talks, Check it out  http://www.lds.org/general-conference/sessions/2012/04?lang=eng.
 I know that last April the words at spoken at this conference changed my life, it made me a better, less selfish, more forgiving, more loving of my family and friends kind of person, and I hope that I will apply the words I heard this weekend to do even better.  I love you all, and am grateful that God does indeed still speak to his children and give us direction, love and truth today. And I am grateful that so many friends came over this weekend to watch, and to eat food from Russia, Lithuania, Latvia, Croatia, and Poland with me. It truly was a feast in ever sense of the word.

Needs

When I was in college, one of my roommates itroduced me to one of my all time favorite songs, Needs, by collective soul. If you have not heard this song, you should.  But its my go to song, really. I am tired. I havent been this tired since the end of my mission. I have so much I am trying to do, and even more that I wish I could do but just dont have time for. Sometimes I get burried under my pille of things to do, and avoid what I need to do.    Sometimes its important to just worry about what you need.  The lyrics say it all. I fight against it, but  you, are all I need ;)

"Needs"

All around me I see what weakness has made
Too much tomorrow I think I'll take all today
Am I a poison, Am I a thorn in the side
Am I a picture, perfect subject tonight

I don't need nobody
I don't need the weight of words to find a way
To crash on through
I don't need nobody
I just need to learn the depth
Or doubt of faith to fall into

Here I slumber to awaken my daze
I find convenience in this savior I save
Am I a prison, Am I a source of dire news
Am I a picture perfect reason for you

I don't need nobody
I don't need the weight of words to find a way
To crash on through
I don't need nobody
I just need to learn the depth or doubt
Of faith to fall into

In this time of substitute
It's my needs I've answered to (All the while)
And the hope that I invest
Still turns to signals of distress (All the while)

I don't need nobody
I don't need the weight of words to find a way
To crash on through
I don't need nobody
I just need to learn the depth or doubt
Of faith to fall into

You're all I need
When the water runs deep
You're all I need
Now I cry my soul to sleep
You're all I need [4x]

If You Build It, They Will Come....

 You know, I think I have only seen the movie Field of Dreams one time, but the saying from it "if you build it, they will come" has had a great impact on my life for the past year. 
  When I got put into the Relief Society Presidency of  my YSA ward ten months ago, attendance at a lot of things was starting to wane. Especially Relief Society activities. As second councilor, RS activities were my duty to organize and plan and carry out. I really struggled along. I planned what everyone said they wanted to do, but less and less people showed up. I prayed for  inspiration, and then one day, a flash of lightning struck my brain about the solution to both RS and Wednesday night activities. "If you build it, they will come". that was exactly my thought. But, I thought, I am already planning and carrying out the activities. what is meant by this?  What was meant by it was faith.  Faith is an action word. Faith cannot just be dormant or passive, it is active, it requires doing, and believing. If we wanted people to come we needed to believe in what we were doing ourselves ,and plan for twenty to show up, not the five we were getting.  we did that, and now they come.  
       Lately our attendance at institute has been dropping and dropping. our teacher was getting discouraged, i think we all were. Again the thought entered my head "if we build it, they will come"  I had the first Sunday lesson in RS class, and I felt inspired that I should teach on that. I talked with the bishop about it, and had the institute instructor come and talk with the class. I felt like I had done my best, but my faith and believe in the program didn't, to me feel like it had reached anyone in the room. I was kind of sad about it. Then my roommate gave me encouragement last night and told me one of the girls had decided she would go to institute and she shared with others at the activity some of the things the instructor had said during my lesson. A lot of people not at my lesson heard me going on about my lesson and preparations for it, and told me they would come. I started to have more faith. my faith initially was to follow the spirit and give what i saw as a very difficult lesson. I did that. Then the lord reinforced that with encouragement from my roommate. 


  By the time it was time for institute tonight, I felt confidant that we would fill the room (we have had 10-7 people for like the last month,  we barely filled one row).  I was late getting in and didn't get to help our instructor set up the desks because of a presidency meeting, but when I got there I nearly cried. She set up only three tables instead of  the usual six.  I turned to her and said "we have to have more tables, we are going to fill this room, people are going to come". she was still discouraged and said "no, we will just have them sit in chairs" it didn't seem worth putting them up for no one. she wasn't there yet.  I yelled out "If we build it they will come!!!" and then I grabbed some more tables and put them up myself. we compromised and put up five tables, with four chairs per table. By the opening hymn we had almost filled the three tables. ok, it was better, but still, no way were we filling the room. well, i knew we would. I said the opening prayer, and rather than praying people would come i decided to continue in my faith more were coming and I prayed those traveling to institute would do so in safety and that we would all feel the spirit and learn together as we were taught.  By  the last half hour of class, every single table and chair was completely full, and one more person came in and pulled the small entry way table and a chair up because there was no where to sit.  It was a lesson to me, and I know the institute teacher learned from it too. all of our faith grew a little bit today. and it was a small but awesome miracle. from seven people our class grew to 21, and I know it can grow even more - If we build it. If we believe we are acting according to the will of God, and act in faith on correct principles,  and we work to accomplish those things knowing that it is true, it can happen and even exceed our own expectations. I feel I should try this in other areas of my life now, like my search for a husband. So I am going to go do that now. I know, if under inspiration of the Holy Spirit, you work to build families, you work to build friendships, or you work to build the Kingdom of God, you will build it, and miracles will happen.  I testify to you of this truth , and promise if you  have the faith to committee to act in faith amazing things will happen. 

Laughing in Sleep on Buses With Boys

 So today I was feeling very tired and mopey. I am still not completely recovered from my illness, and I am at about month ten of being in YSA Relief Society Presidencies. I love it, actually, but it can be very demanding at times, and I just don't have much stamina right now. I so wish I could do more than I physically, mentally, and emotionally am currently capable of. On top of it  one of my friends is struggling through a break up, and another friend is struggling with a very seriously ill 2yr oldish child  who has a tumor of a very serious sort. 
  Since hearing the later news I cannot seem to stop crying when I think of that cute little boy and what my beloved friend must be going through.  All of this combined with work, and the Presidency make me feel quite helpless. If you add to that the fact that I had to bring and end (still hoping this is only a temporary thing) to one of the dearest friendships I have ever had, I have been feeling very very helpless lately. I mean, AGENCY BAHHHHHH!!! no seriously, I am glad we have the agency to choose our lives for ourselves, but sometimes other peoples choices can be very frustrating and saddening. And sometimes their choices seem to not leave us many choices either.  
  Well, I am not trying to whine about all this, its life, all I am saying is that I feel seriously humbled, Helpless, and realize how much I have to rely on my Heavenly Father for support, and how much my friends do too. Not much you can do if you find out your boy had a tumor except take him to doctors. when there is a `10% survival rate as i read on her husbands post, associated with that, that would make you feel pretty helpless too. All you can do is pray, and do you best with the technology we have, but really that one is basically in Gods hands.  Not much you can do about a break up other than decided if you will act Christlike, and as a grown up, or if you will be childish and throw a temper tantrum about it (i know i had to make that decision, i think i landed somewhere in the middle on that one). and as far as my impact on the world through work or church, well at the end of the day, all I can do is all I can do. People have to choose, and God has to direct me how best to act. If I try to do it on my own, i will likely fail and get really  frustrated. 
 So after all that thinking, I fell asleep on the bus. I was flat out exhausted in every way possible on the way home from work. I didn't even see who the person was that sat beside me on the bus. I could feel someone there though.  
 I fell very very deeply asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed, but I remember it was very funny because I was laughing in my dream and then something kind of woke me from it ,and I felt I had been on the verge of sleep laughing.  the bus turned the corner to the parking lot so i started to really wake up. 
 Then I looked to the side of me, and I saw him. One of the most beautiful man/boys in the world , OK, in Poulsbo WA.  I don't know his name, or how old he is. He looks like he is early 20's and therefore way too young for me. I have seen him before, and always thought he was eye candy. I kinda wanted to talk to him. 


This was my chance, but I had just woken up, and possibly sleep laughed among other potentially embarrassing in sleep things I could have done, or said, snored or drooled - no there was no drool I would have noticed.  so I reached into my pocket to get my keys out, and be more facing him. I tried to think of something cleaver to say and then.... a used Kleenex fell out of my pocket and onto his seat, kind of between us.  oops. I quickly picked it up and apologized. He shrugged and walked off the bus, and put his headphones in. FAIL.

Sickness and Sensibility

  You know, as I come to hopefully my last day staying home sick, in two weeks of sickness, and to the end of my third or forth  period film I have viewed in this two week period, it begs me to ponder what exactly it is about being sick and watching these films that always makes me feel  so much better. 
 When I am sick I want sleep, water, ginger ale perhaps, soup, crackers and a good period film. Sense and Sensibility, Emma, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, North and South, or my most recent selection Wives and Daughters. 
 Every single one of these films have a few things in common that always make me feel better. The costumes for one. Why can't men dress like that today? they look so regal and noble, well those men always are noble, but there is just something so attractive to me about the way men dressed in those days, noble men at least.  
 There is something that just is so appealing about people going to balls, and dancing real dances. it makes me happy. I am very glad to live in an area where people are willing to dress up to go to dances. Most recently my YSA Ward was host to a multi-stake dance, and our theme was steam punk. The men mostly dressed up, and those that did instantly looked so much more attractive than usual.  ummm warm fuzzies just thinking about it
 A good love story, with real opposition is also one thing i like about these movies. The lack of communication, the misunderstandings, living in a singles ward i would say that is far more real life than the modern day romantic movies. 
 Its also nice to see movies with courting, with people getting to know each other properly, rather than just  having sex first and then a big drama and then oh, maybe we should be together. No I have very old fashion morals in that sense, and its nice to see a place where that exists. 
 I want to go to the UK, so that probably also increases my love for these movies
but my final and greatest reason I love watching these when I am sick, is that people are always getting sick in them. Usually someone dies, and someone else gets sick and survives, and then they fall in love with someone that was right in front of their face all along and get married. 
 Since I have not died from my sickness, I now expect one of those dashing young men from the steam punk dance will show up in Victorian garb on my door step, profess his undying love and I shall readily love him back, but first some other misguided soul that I have no interest in and never will, will show up, and I will have to refuse him, as I do not truly love him.  
 well, soon I will be well again, and reality will be at my door instead, but for now I am under the influence of prescription strength cough medicine, I shall watch another period film and fall asleep dreaming of Darcy, or Roger, or Oswald, or  Richard Armitage and it will be a very lovely dream indeed.  

The Truth: Why I reconstructed my walls

So, as I was just chatting with my roommate, I realized something, the truth. The truth is that yes, sometimes I am frustrated with people, and sometimes I push people away. I have been pushing a lot of people away since December. I have been mean, and I have had a horrible negative attitude. I want to start fights with everyone, especially people I feel could in any way hurt me.  
 So why have I been doing this? I made so many changes last year, and I became such a happy person, without walls, I was virtually unstoppable. I wanted to date, and I wanted to get married and have a family for reals, probably for the first time in my life. I felt closer to God than ever before, and I had unstoppable faith.  
 I am not really proud of who I have been in the past couple of months, or the things I said earlier tonight. I apologize to those that read them
 What happened? well I have written a little about it via my fairy tale, but not really. I quit writing for a while. In fact, I lost all desire to write or work on any of my previous works- my short story that could have been published months ago, my novel. I secretly am kind of angry at people that are happy couples right now. I try to be happy for them ,but I am kind of angry. I have been mean to my friends, and I try but just can't get the gospel to stick to my life more than just a few hours after listening to an inspirational program, or reading my scriptures. 
 On more than one occasion I have said to myself "man, you really need an attitude adjustment girl" I have had loving concerned friends who have lovingly told me to grow up, to which I replied "I hate you, I love you, thanks for doing that, but I hate you because you are right and I deserve that." I try to force myself to move on, but I am kind of bogged down.
 December happened. The guy  from the first date story, he really won my heart. I opened up to him like I have never opened my heart to him like I have never done before. He went to Reno, first he said just for a month, and then it became two, then three, then he got a job there and stopped talking to me for a bit, then he tried to talk to me again after three weeks of no word and it was too late. 
 All those walls I worked so hard to demolish last year, well a good portion of them went back up in an instance. I try to take them down ,but I just didn't know how. So I threw up walls, I was mean, and I pushed people away. I knew I was becoming something I didn't want to be so I just put up more walls, more attitude, more hate.  
 Honestly, I don't know what to do from here. I could go on and on about this friend or that but none of it matters, I have really good friends that love and care about me, I have family that love and care about me, but I feel like I have been trapped in a dark cave and I am just stuck. I pretend I am not there, but I am. I want to love again, I want to trust again, but I am so scared. Even my friends I know I should trust, I haven't been.  I seem to be all confidence at times, but honestly my confidence is quite shaken. My roommate is trying to get me to sit down and write a list of what I am looking for in a spouse, but I don't want to, because I am too afraid, and I don't want to think about it. I don't even want to believe that I will ever get married, because it is easier than admitting that I was really hurt, and trying to take a chance again.  I don't know, maybe now that I have said this, maybe now that I have made myself vulnerable and not just spewed hate at the nearest target, maybe now I can go make that list, and go take a chance. Because actually, I do want to meet a man, a good man,  and grow into love, and let him grow to love me, and take a chance and get married. but first I have to take a chance and tell the truth. So here it is. the truth. I am scared. I am scared that I am too much a mess and that I can never really love anyone again, that I will never care the way I should again, that all the good I was on target to do is now off target and I don't know how to get it back on target by myself. I have made a big big mess. I have messed with some very vulnerable people, that were already sensitive, and I knew it and I picked fights with them because I knew I could. I am sorry. I love you all. I know you guys love me. pray for me, because I need the walls to fall down again.
 I

the princess decided to move on

I will keep this one short. After feeling pain and heartache over the now obvious that her prince was not coming back (he decided  in fact to just join league with the evil cousins), The not so young princess looked to her friends for comfort. Over a period of time a handsome and kind male friend persistently showed up at her door and was kind to her. She did not feel for him what she had felt for the prince, but owing to the goodness of his heart, and the potential that she saw in him, the princess determined that she would accept the handsome young mans affections and for a time at least, court him to get to know him better. Perhaps if she slowed down a bit, and didn't make everything about finding an marrying someone suitable for her and her kingdom, maybe she could get to know someone well enough to truly find out if the were suitable for her and her kingdom, as opposed to the way she had previously been going about it. With that, the princess found herself in a new and different relationship, that she had no idea where it would go, but eventually, she knew she would find out.