Random Olympic Thoughts (part 2)

Yesterday, one of my friends had told me, she thought I should compile all my Olympic thoughts together somewhere, because they are so awesome. I told her I already had done, and more were to come. So, since she missed part 1, here's part two...

When I watch the Winter Olympics, Here are my random thoughts:

Hearing the women of team GB curling shout orders at each other, feels a bit like watching Braveheart. Probably because they are all Scottish. FREEDOM!! SWEEP!! NOOOOOO!!!

In the Olympics Games, Snow borders go big. Going home isn't an option. Thats Badassedness to the max.

"thats part of the game, manage your stones, and manage the Ice" one of the curling comentators, talking about rouge stones that aren't behaving how they are supposed to.

second on my list of sports of Olympic Insanity- Skeleton Luge. like really? lets go head first, as fast as we can down an Ice track. Those women have some real courage, you couldn't pay me to do that one.

Jeremy Abbots short program is my mental definition of the Lithuanian word "Pastenga" maybe not for anyone else, but to get up after falling that hard and jump, and skate like that, thats incredible. That is just plain not giving up, and making it happen. I have fallen hard l before, and probably not even anywhere near as hard as he did.But to get up and skate at all after, let alone land everything, to control muscles that have been smacked hard on the ice like that, so so incredible that he did that. I remember I tripped on my toe pick once at a competition warm up, and fell and landed hard (yes, you can laugh, it was a cutting edge moment) and my legs tightened up and spasmed so bad after it was really hard for me to control my landings on my jumps. This was kind of like when Jamaica crashed their bobsled and carried it across the finish line, because they had to finish the race.

Feeling for Evgeni Plushenko, big hugs and love to you man. It was so fun to watch him in the team competetion, Im sad he was hurt, but you could totally see from the jump footage that he wasn't feeling his legs, and he was hurting. Getting old SUCKS!! and yes, 30's and figure skating is hard on your body, and it just doesn't heal the same. There is a reason figure skaters are so young.

So excited to spend tonight with my first true love. We've been destined for each other since I was two. I love you, Olympic Games!! Je t'aime les jeux d'Olympics!! — feeling twitterpated.

Watching highlights of curling, Denmark fell. I've never seen anyone fall curling before, but there it was.

I swear every olympics, winter and summer, they nick name someone the Russian Rocket, and its rarely the same guy. Do they think we wont notice that?

I love it "to all the youth out there, remember who you are and what you stand for" How often you you get to hear that at the olympics, from a silver medalist? Congratulations Noelle Pikus-Pace!!

another reason I love Olympic Curling- it starts with Bag Pipes- playing Scotland the Brave, and men marching in wearing kilts. LOVING the curling.

practicing for skeleton by watching the olympics laying on my stomach. i hate laying on my stomach. maybe its not the sport for me.

To practice Ski Jumping  Im going to lean in a plank against the couch, with my legs in a v shape, and pretemñnd im flying through the air

I didn't even know spain had figure skaters till europeans this year, but my oh my Javier goes big doesn't he. Impressive skating.

I've learned all sorts of things this week, about being in the house, and having the hammer, and what a hack really is.maybe the hammer, in curling, is symboic of thor's hammer, because if you get to throw the last stone, you have the power.

I love me some Riverdance on ice 

most sports I watch, I think, Am I fit enough to do that. Curling I watch and I think, Am I cleaver enough to do that?

I'd say latvia benefited greatly from hosting world cup luge events this year. They have become quite the country of sliders.

today I practiced for curling, while putting my groceries away. I curled two milk jugs into good position in my fridge.

Russia v USA hockey, what a great match. TJ Oshie, I could kiss you!

Im really starting to feel for Bode Miller, this has not been his Games.

one of canada's male curlers is sporting the mr. Clean look, bald head, pretty good biceps, oh yeah, and he's tatooed. you wouldn't expect that in curling.

I wish I could watch Ice Dance with John Christopher Obzansky, because he could explain all the things about Ice Dance that I just dont get. Why did you move away Chris?

Watching lithuania in the olympics makes me especially happy.

And Lithuania take the lead by a lanslide in the Mandi's favorite music selection competition. Very good music, even if it didnt work for Robbin Cousins.

I love the Jamaican bobsled team. I just love them

Monaco has a bobsled team? really?

One thing ive noticed about the ice dance, the better skaters have chosen better music. I think that speaks to taste level

We interupt our olympic watching now, for a church time out. Davis and White, Jamaica, Ill see you in prime time

you can never doubt that the cross country skiers have given their all, because they always colapse at the finish.

boarder cross kind of reminds me of the hunger games. Often in the early rounds people will work together as a team, but when it gets to the final rounds, no matter how much you love the person next to you, you cant both win it, and its every man/woman for his/her self.
however, i suppose there is a chance you could tie for a gold,- pull a peeta and katniss, but thats pretty hard to do without both of you just loosing

and thats part 2, of my Olympic thoughts. One more week of action to go, so Im sure I will have plenty more random things to say about it.

Random Olympic Thoughts (Pt 1), By Mandi Marquardt

Well, just in case you didn't catch these in my fb news feed, I am gathering them all to one place. My Random Olympic Thoughts. More to come, we aren't even half way through the games yet. But here they are, with a few bonus ones.

Sometimes, I stay up till four in the morning watching curling. Not because I really like curling, I just think one of the British curlers, and one of the Russian curlers are super hot, and them yelling at their teammates in their respective languages/accents suddenly made curling 100% facinating to me. If there were posters, I'd buy one and hang it on my wall.

Always, I think that Ralph Lauren should be banned from designing any more of our team outfits. Thats two fails, two Olympics in a row Ralph, I dont think you should get three strikes, this hear's the Olympics, not some stupid pushcart derby! Go big or go home!! Those althletes deserve an effort that doesn't mock all the work and years of life they've put into this.

Always Torvill and Dean's Bolero routine is still, in my opinion, the greatest piece of skating ever done. (wipes away a tear). 

Sometimes, Pleshinko skates, and I just want to move to Russia and marry him. He's kind of like Philippe Candalero used to be, you know, like back when I was 12. 

Always I think Pairs skaters are insane. Amazing. Talented. Great to watch. Insane.

Sometimes I watch the Olympics, and still think its 1994. I ask dumb questions like Whatever happend to Alberto Tomba, Torvill and Dean, Katerina Witt, Where is Johan Olav Koss, and Bonnie Blair?  And then I realize,  most of them were already kind of old for athletes in 1994, 20 years later would be really pushing it.

Always, I will love the Jamaican bobsled team best. And when they march into the stadium I will sing "no people say they dont believe, Jamaica we gotta bobsled team! GO JAM!!!"

Sometimes, when Im watching the Olympics Minnie Driver is in a commercial for a TV show, and she sings about the Olympics, and then I want to watch that show, because I love watching Minnie Driver, and I love people who sing about the Olympics.

Sometimes, during the Winter Olympics, It snows in Seattle, when its slushy in Sochi.

Sometimes, When I watch the Olympics I say stuff like this, out loud, then post it on Facebook "Did I just hear throw quad toe loop? I think I did, and she had the rotation. Female pairs skaters ARE INSANE!! But good job team USA, way to skate."  and this "What is it the Dutch do thats so different from everyone else? why are they so unstoppable at long track speed skating?

... and this "really excited about watching cross country skiing and hearing the crowd chant "Latvija, Latvija, Latvija" yay Latvia!!!  
                                  or

"I much prefer long track speed skating to short. Its so fun to watch, and its all about speed, not fighting for positions" 
                         or even
"Interesting that Russian and Scottish seem to be the least obnoxious languages/ accents you can yell while curling in. American and Swedish are kind of annoying for curling. At least more so than the other two."

And sometimes, I even cheer for non American athletes, in their own languages. "Allez Fourcade!"

sometimes I watch pairs skaters come onto the ice and I think, What on earth do they have those crazy costumes for (like a hot pink body suit and a blue soldier looking outfit) then their music starts playing (pink panther) and it suddenly makes sense, but I still just wonder why? why would you skate to that? and why would you wear that? well, pairs will be pairs. thats Why I always have done singles. I do love to watch their craziness though. I kind of admire their ability to just be wacky and crazy pairs skaters, and skate amazingly even in a hot pink body suit.

sometimes, when Im watching curling in the olympics, I just think- will this End ever end? eventually it does, but usually not fast enough. The men take so much longer than the women. I prefer womens curling. Their Ends end in a reasonable amount of time, I fall asleep before the mens is over, then I have to look up who won. 

Sometimes, When Im watching Shawn White snowboard, I just think he's really hot. I mean, what else is there to think? I love his new hair cut, and he's hot. I think I want to get a giant poster of him with his new haircut for my geek room, Im so geeking out on Shawn, gold or no gold, I love that hair!!

Sometimes, watching pairs skating, they pick classy outfits, and classy music, and I just think. WOW so beautiful. So So beautiful.

Sometimes, when watching the cross country skiing and biathalon events, I often think- Man, I chose the wrong sport to start when I was five, Or else I chose the wrong sport to start up when I was twelve. Either I should have started skating at five, or I should have stuck with the skiing, I could have made it to the olympics starting that young. I am really good at shooting. DANG IT!!! too late now, im too out of shape to cross country ski that fast, and long.

Sometimes, no, everytime I watch the doubles luge, I just think who the heck thought this up? like really? was there an emergency and two people needed to get to the bottom of the luge run, and the one guy was just like, hey share this tiny little sled with me, we'll go down together, its totally safe. And then someone saw them do it, and that two bodies are faster than one, and were like, hey, you can't hide weights in a luge, because theres no where to hide them ,but i bet me and my buddy- that weighs more than your buddy, I bet we can go down that slipery slope much faster than you can.

Always, Shawn White, I still Love you. Gold or no Gold. I love you.

Sometimes when I watch luge doubles, Latvia looks like they may just get the gold, but then they get the bronze instead, but its Latvia, so im still really happy.

Sometimes when im watching the Winter Olympics, and I keep seeing latvia, and they keep doing really well, and sometimes, they are even better than the americans. and then I'm like, wow, Im glad I've lived in latvia, latvia is cool, now the world knows it.

Always, when Torah Bright smiles, the world wins gold. what a nice happy person to watch.

Sometimes, when Im watching the Winter Olympics, and the comercials that come on are themed for the Summer Olympics, I get a little mad. You dont see Winter Olympic themed commercials during the summer games, why you dis'in' us Winter Olympic folks by taking our space? and what ever happened to those cute coke polar bears? commercials during the Olympics have gotten super lame. They used to have super bowl quality. Actually, come to think of it, the super bowl commercials were mostly not that great either. We are lacking ideas for selling people crap they dont need these days. Maybe thats a good thing?

Sometimes, When Im watching the Olympics, there's a tie for gold. EVERYBODY WINS. well, at least two people and their countries win. but really, everybody wins, because its rare and exciting. You should get an extra gold, for matching the top time as measured by less than seconds. Cool BEANS!!! I feel kind of sad that no one gets a silver though,they just skip right to bronze. No one gets second- NO SOUP FOR YOU!!

Sometimes, when Im watching Pairs, they skate to Skyfall, and I sing along, Adele's part. and I nail it like a throw triple Axel.

Always, I love the P&G Olympian mom comercials, I have to thank my mom everytime I see them, for taking me to the skating rink at 5 am for years.

Sometimes, the Pair from China skate to a medely from Les Miserables, and my living room turns into a musical, and a skating rink all at the same time.

Sometimes, during the medal ceremonies, I stand on a chair with my hand on my heart, and mouth the national anthem, and imagine I Just won gold. 

Always, I thank you for reading my blog.  May the flame of the Olympic Spirit burn in your heart. 

Parade Day - Seattle 2014

I didn't really plan well for today, Like a lot of people, I think I underestimated how big this whole post Superbowl victory parade was going to be.  My original plan, had been to go to work like normal, step out for an hour for the parade, and then work an hour late giving fans a few hours to leave the city, or stay late and party, and then me go home like normal.

 I knew the second I got off the ferry, there was a chance I may need to recalebrate that plan. By 7:30 panic set into my office, with reports of bus delays and even bigger ferry delays, two of my co-workers decided to call it, take their laptops and go work from home. I felt like if I did all the work to get to work, I may as well tough it out. So I did.

 As the day went on and reports of 650 stuck at one ferry terminal and 150 at another, I decided a new plan was in fact necissary. It was freezing cold outside, and crowded, so me and a co worker scoped out a window where we could have seen probably more of the parade than what I was actually able to see, but ultimately, we decided we wanted to be in that crowd, even if it was cold, and well, crowded.

 At 12:00 we bundled up and headed out.  The office was pretty much empty. Everyone was working from home except me and the person I went to the parade with, and our season ticket holder and the person he selected to go to the stadium with him.

At 12:10 we reached the top of the hill, and found a spot. There were so many people that it wasn't too cold at first. At 12:12 we had our "moment of loudness" which was fun.  and then we checked and the parade was running about an hour late.  so we waited, and chanted and waited. It started to get cold. Then Marshawn Lynch showed up throwing skittles, and made it all worth while. I saw the trophy, but not who was holding it, I saw tight ends, and running backs, and then I really couldn't see anything after that because everyones cell phones got higher and higher.

 At about 1:00, I decided I had had my part in the parade, even though people were still coming, I figured it was my only shot, I could go to the ferry or spend all night trying to get home. So I went, and got there just in time to be at the front of the ferry line for the 2pm sailing.  I was one of the first 50 people to board, Im prety sure the boat was filled to capacity- people were sitting on the floor or standing. It took a long time to unload on the other side.  and it took an hour plus to get  home when I got off that boat.

So yes, I went to the parade, and I couldn't see much, and I was freezing cold. But it was worth it. To feel that atmosphere, and to have been one of 700,000 was totally worth it. I was in france in 1998, but I didn't get to be in Paris at the Champs Elysee, but I got to be in seattle today, and that was special.

One unique thing about seattle that I would like to remark, even with 700,000 people in seattle today, and hours in the cold, and waiting for ferries, throughout the entire day, I didnt cross one rude person, everyone was kind to each other, and everyone gave each other space, and didn't push and shove and cut in line, or even jay walk, that I saw. That is incredibly impressive I think.

Well, Olympics start tomorrow. Let the partying continue. Im watching what I missed of the parade online. 

The Emerald City Gets Beastly Love

Magic was in the air this morning as I boarded my bus, then my ferry, then into my office, up the elevator, and into my group. A smile crossed my face each and every time I passed someone, and a soft but determined "Go Hawks" was uttered.  Every tee shirt, hat and jersey I saw, every friend that posted... Im not into football, but look at my blue and green roses, check out my shirt, we're having an office party.
Even the manager that moved here from Denver sported a Seahawks shirt. "when in Rome.." She'd say.
Im not a football fan either. Ive not been much into professional sports excepting MLS soccer, and major events involving professionals such as the World Cup, and the Olympics for well over a decade.
The last time I cared at all about an NFL game of any kind was when Steve Young was in the Superbowl. That was a long long time ago.
Surprised? Those of you following me on Facebook may be, because Ive been loud and proud about my Seahawks for oh, maybe a month now.

In 1997, John Stockton sent the Utah Jazz to the NBA finals. They lost, but they came back in 1998, and we thought they had it, but they lost it again. No one ever expected the Utah Jazz to be as good as they were. A team from Utah couldn't possibly be that awesome. But they were, and it was magic that changed a community, and brought people together. Even though they lost again the second time, they always were the true champions in my heart.

In the summer of 1998, I got on a plane and flew to France. The World cup was happening at that time IN FRANCE. I liked soccer, but i didn't really "get it" until I watched World Cup games with my French family night after night, and finally "saw" on home turf, on a tiny TV that was being watched by 200 french campers and that magical moment when the beloved Zezou, and team pulled off a miracle and beat Brazil to win the World Cup.

For a small moment, just as I had seen in Utah, just as I've seen with multiple Olympics, but especially 2002 (because I was there), just as I see now magic descended and that time, an entire nation was changed, united in brotherhood, and oneness.

As I worked get my Bachelors degree in French about a decade after that magical summer, that moment in time stood out in my head. So I did a paper on it. On the belief the French had had that that moment would unite them and end the infighting between the "French" French and "Les Beurres" immigrant, Muslim French families.

It did for a time, but it didn't last, because it was only a starting point, not a magic bullet. The same is true for any of these big events that bring us together for a moment, and give us such joy and community. They are great, and we never forget them, but permanent change and unity is up to us. I think girls camp was like that for me with the young women and leaders when I was growing up, eventually clicks came back, and it made me sad, but for a time we were all friends and it was great
I love that feeling, and I jump on every chance to be a part of those moments, because the more of them I can have in this life the happier I feel.

Seattle is a dark and depressing place in the winter, but right now you wouldn't know that by looking on any of our faces, or talking to us. The mood has lifted, and we are one, or 12, you choose.

I hope Seattle wins Sunday, because they are my team and this is my city. I hope they win because our people and economy need the lift. I hope we win because I think we have a deserving team full of highly talented players that play and win as a team, not just one big star everyone thinks is amazing. We have many amazings.

I hope we win because we never have before, and we might not get another chance for a long long time again.

But win or loose, we already have won. Win or loose, we got here and that's quite a miracle, two years ago we wouldn't have dreamed it.

But win or loose, we already have something far better than a ring, or a title, we have that magic, that community, that oneness, that love.

We wear our jerseys, and our shirts, and our twelves and we say Go Hawks! and it means "Hello friend, I love you, I love our home. Have hope. Believe. Miracles can happen, magic can happen.
I hope my friends in Denver are experiencing this same thing, I hope, that even though they frequent the Super Bowl more than us, that they feel that and recognize how special that feeling of togetherness is.

If they have, then they too have one. As Pierre De Corbetain, founder of the modern Olympics said, "The important thing is not to win, but to take part... The essential thing is not to have conquered but to have fought well... To build these precepts is to build a more generous humanity" 

I love, and live by those words, its what the Olympic games, World Cups, 1997/8 NBA championships and 2014 Super Bowl mean to me. Its why I spent money on a jersey, but you don't have to spend a dime to feel it, to be a part of it, you just have to let that magic into your heart. Just say it! GO HAWKS!!

If you cant do that for the Super Bowl, try it a few days later for the Olympics, let Go USA! Or wherever you live feel your heart, but remember to love your enemies, and you'll get ever more magic from a go World!

If the Winter Olympics are too cold to thaw your frozen heart, summer will give you one more chance to heat it up, with the 2014 world cup in Brazil in June/July.

No matter where you are, or who you root for, may that peace, love, and unity feel your heart. I think we all long for that, to be a part of something, to feel united, and to have hope in things that seem unlikely, especially these days.    So one more time, just for you,  remember what it really means  Go Hawks!!!

Cold War

 I am currently having a big debate in my head. Tomorrow is Saturday, I have zero plans, and as I am getting over a cold that is probably for the best.

 Today wasn't Saturday, it was Friday, and last night, Thursday, I decided to be a "responsible" sick adult and take cold medicine, so I could get better quicker.  For me, its always a debate if that is really the responsible thing to do. Even daytime versions of things like Theraflu make me super loopy. The night time version guarantee I will not be making it to work or anywhere the next day.

Last night I took daytime cold medicine in the hopes that I would be able to make it in to work today.  About an hour after that, I had no doubt I had just lost that battle, as I set out on a night of some of the trippiest combination dreams I have ever had, including one where my life was candy crush, and every decision I made exploded my dreams into candy bits.  (I may have a candy crush addiction?)  I also had one about never ending piles of case files at work and lots of file folder paper cuts. Right before I went to sleep, I had one of the worst, and most random nosebleeds of my life. I didn't even sneeze, I thought my nose was just suddenly being runny. Next thing I know, my hands are covered in my own blood. Im pretty sure I had one or two more nightmares about that too. It was a horrible night, My dreams led to waking up a lot, and not a lot of restful sleep until it was about 4 am, then I seemed to be paralyzed with fatigue and dizziness, which is usually what happens when I take coldmeds.

 I avoided the temptation to text my friends last night, thankfully, while still in a good place, I completely shut my phone down. I've been known in the past to text my friends some pretty hilarious stuff when I am on cold meds,  Forget prescription cough syrup, that's never happening again. I've taken it twice.  The first time, in college, I some how ended up sleeping in my closet, apparently of my own choice. I don't remember most of it, but I think it scared my roommate.

Last time I took it, I "drunk text"ed several of my friends who first checked to make sure I wasn't alone and that someone could help me, and then advised me to shut my phone off. Prescription cough medicines are not worth it to me EVER.

but tonight's debate is this,  my throat hurts. I know between the feeling of rawness, and the feeling of phleminess, I'm just going to feel like I'm choking if I try to sleep sans cold meds.  However, all I have left at this point is the Night time Theraflu. If I take that, forget last nights bizarre dreams, I will not even know where I am for the next day. I hate how I feel when I take that stuff, its almost worse than how I feel when I have a cold.

 But, I do want to get better.  I have been drinking/eating plenty of clear liquids. I've pretty much had a home made vegetable barley and chicken broth soup to eat five times today, as well as numerous cups of  ginger snapish herbal tea, and probably a few gallons of water.  ok maybe one gallon.  Which was another thing that made last night tricky, because I was being such a good water drinker I had to wake up from those crazy dreams and try not to die stumbling to the bathroom to pee a million times last night. Not really wanting to do that again.

I've done a decent job of resting today. I know I should sleep, sleep is key right?  If I try to sleep, I wont, because of the aforementioned throat issues, or the also mentioned cold med issues. so now I'm in the middle of this "cold war" and I have no battle strategy at all.  This really isn't the worst cold I've ever had, so it should be easily defeated, but no matter what I still can't see an option tonight where I win.

 Perhaps I will loose this battle, take the cold meds, again. and hope and pray that I wake up and its all gone. I suppose that's the best thing I can come up with at this point. I apologize in advance to any friends I text crazy things to. I do love you, but probably not as much as I'm going to say I do in an hour or so. =(

I should probably add in that im am feeling kind of lonely. It sucks being sick, single and roommateless. There is no time you want someone around to take care of you more, and also no time when it would be really horrible of you to ask someone over and share your germs, if you could get them to come.

My New Years Regeneration

 Last night, while scrolling down my Facebook news feed, I saw this Steven Spielberg quote posted by a friend:
                      “All of us every single year, we're a different person. I don't think we're the same person all our lives.”

As a very big Whovian (fan of Doctor Who), this reminded me of something Matt Smiths Doctor said in the Christmas episode right before his Doctor regenerated.

  "we all change, we are all different people all through our lives, and that's ok, that's good, you've got to keep moving, as long as you remember the people you used to be."   

 I think that for me last year was such a year, that I don't want just a New Year's resolution, I want a New Year's regeneration. I want this year to be a truly fresh start. So that is how I am treating it. I've taken no baggage with me from last year. In fact, I made a point yesterday of saying anything I had to say about unresolved issues from last year. I have nothing more to add to it, I feel resolved.

I am a new person this year. Last year, I think I could call my "War Doctor" year, and what I did, I did in the name of peace and sanity, but now that its done, I'd rather try to forget most of it, and just take the lessons I learned and move forward.

 I loved my trip to Europe last year, and I will always treasure that, it was a reward for the rest of the year that I had to get through. I feel my decisions I made last year were difficult decisions, that I mostly chose correctly, and handled decently well with an exception or two,  but it was such a difficult year, so full of hard decisions and moments that I'd like to step forward and be a bit different from that this year. So, today I did.

 I followed the David Tenant approach to today. I slept in, and rested. But when I got up I was full of energy and ready to go. Then it was time to figure out who this Mandi is, because I don't know yet who I'm going to be this year, but from my first day I can tell you  this Mandi wants things cleaned and organized.

I woke up to a pile of last nights party mess all over my house. Its no longer there. Everything is clean and nice again. I did a lot of laundry and dishes today.

I also woke up and took a shower and took time to do my hair and makeup  and choose my clothes carefully, even though I didn't go anywhere today. Last year, Mandi was a bit of a rock star and a rebel in her dress choices, this year there may still be an element of that, but it looks as there will be more of a softer feminine  twist to my look.

 Then, its always important to decided what your "regeneration" is going to like to eat this year. I did healthier twists such as salmon on home made biscuits and country gravy for lunch, and stir-fry bok choy and veggies for dinner.  This years Mandi may be a bigger food snob than ever before- but on a budget, and healthily.

 I didn't really feel like exercising today, but I did some stretching, so I feel like that means I'm going to at least make an effort. I'm still defining the me of this year. We don't know if a companion might not come along and change it all, this year is still before us, but I'm excited to find out, and not be defined by my past, but also to remember the past, the people I was, and the lessons I have learned.  I think I like this approach much better than a resolution, just deciding who I really want to be.

This Mandi has a strong testimony of Jesus Christ, but this Mandi also would like to take a more quiet approach to life, and opinions, and stuff.

Last year, one of the greatest things I gained from that tough year was a true love of myself, independent of the opinions of others. That battle was hard fought, and took the entire year to win, and some outside help. I will not forget that last year I learned there are people in my life who love me for who I really am, and who I can become. I will not forget that my Heavenly Father loves me completely. I love me, and I'm ready to face a year where that doesn't have to be such a battle any more. Last year I faced all my demons within, so I feel I can face everything without with greater confidence and faith, not fear.

 I'm still not ginger, but I died my hair red once and that was a bad idea, so we wont repeat that, but I am excited to see what comes of this new approach to a new year. Its kind of like baptism in some ways, an opportunity to start life with new eyes, a clean slate, unburdened and free.

    ALLONS-Y!  Geronimo!

nah, I think my phrase is just
                                 Let's go!

un-con-di-tion-al-ly

I'm going to take a moment here, and do something I haven't really done since college. I'm going to do a textual analysis of this song.  Its much harder to do on a laptop. I'd really rather ink up a paper physically with notes, but It needs to be done, its fun to do, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

 A friend and I were just commenting to each other on the Top Six performances on the voice, when Katy Perry's "Unconditionally' came into our discussion. I love it, She hates it.  and Then we started talking about what Unconditional love means to us each, and we disagreed, just like we disagreed about the song.  She had to go, don't worry it ended on friendly terms ;) but  I really wanted to rip this song apart and give my full thoughts on it. I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts as well.

  The intro to this song, is a pulse, like a heart beat.  That is important, because its about love, and love and the heart are symbolically linked.  Its not a fast beat ,but a slow calm pulse, because its not lust, its not passion, its deeper and steadier, and solid.

 The lyrics start, and Katy continues that steady, calm, and deliberate pace with her words:
Oh/no, did-I-get-to /close?-
Oh/ did-I-almost/ see/ whats /really-on-the-inside?
(music speeds up a bit, and begins to build.)
All /you/ insecurities
All/ the-dirty/ laun/dry
Ne/ver/ made-me/ blink-one/ time.

So one of the points my friend brought up to me, which really increased my interest in this song, and I said almost the same thing, it has an awkward rhythm to it, it pauses words in funny places. This starts right from the beginning. I have denoted pauses with a / and when words were run together with a -. If i had paper, i may even spend some more time on inflections and such, but as it is, I'm not in the mood to analyze syllables per verse and the like, so I will just point out a few things I find intriguing from this rhythm.

  It is AWKWARD.  so specifically with the lyrics in this song, and not a general discussion of unconditional love, this is a person, likely in the beginnings of a romantic relationship, but I think it would also apply nicely to a friendship, or even a child learning to trust their parents. you know, there are various stages when children don't just trust their parents, and they have to learn if they do love them unconditionally or not.

This is that awkward and truly vulnerable moment when someone is trying to open up, or create an atmosphere where someone can feel safe and open up. At and addiction recover meeting, this would be that moment when someone is trying to decided if its safe, and if they can tell their story.

  its interesting that the music speeds up when it gets to insecurities, and dirty laundry. Its still a pulse, a heart beat, but its faster, its nervous, its slightly scared and unsure. It needs reassurance. Its not there yet, but I may be there for real soon. Its about to be tested- that unconditional love that the singer is claiming to feel.  I also feel like the pauses are a moment of reflection, for the person saying it to sincerely reflect and mean UNCONDITIONAL.

 At this point the music really opens up and becomes almost an anthem, its passionate, its a pledge.
The heart beat  seems to drop out, then come back in, almost chariots of fire marathon runner style.

Un/con/di/tion/al
Un/con/di/tion/al/ly
I-will/ love-you/ Un/con/dition/al/ly
There-is-no-fear-now
Let-go-and-just-be /free
I/will/ love-you/ Un/con/dtionally.

The way unconditionally/ unconditional is broken up, is probably the most awkward part of the song. This is the part my friend and I debated.  To her, unconditional love should be smooth, and flowing.  I think it has its smooth natural flowing moments in life, just as it almost has in this song (the last one of the verse is less broken up.)  But this is where I had to pause for thought, because I disagreed. I think the strongest loves, unconditional loves,  are met with fiercest oppositions, and moments of conflicts,  they are honest about that, but they love so strongly, that even if there is a stutter in the step, they still stick with it, they are always willing to work through the conflict, or the heart break.

 for example. The most unconditional love I know of- The Savior. And the greatest act of that love of all time- The atonement.  now, maybe you will say that the atonement is conditional upon our accepting that sacrifice. It was offered and paid for regardless if we accept it. Our saviors love, and his sacrifice are unconditional. but just like an unopened gift, if we don't accept and open it, it doesn't do us much good, it doesn't change the fact that its there, and has the power to overcome anything. And that moment, was it smooth, and flowing? NO. it was met with "let this cup pass from me, but never the less.. If thou wilt, I will drink it up." Did that moment of conflict in any way diminish from that unconditional love? NO. He loved us enough to proceed even though a part of him didn't want to.

Another example. A parent and a child. I'm not a parent. But I have never seen a parent that loved their child that didn't have a moment of frustration or heart break. Why do parents love their children and not give up on them, and make hard choices for them- because they love them, unconditionally.

I wont go into dating examples, I'm not qualified. But I will say I have friendships that I would say I love my friends unconditionally. There is nothing they can ever do to not be my friend, though it may cause me and or them pain for a while, and be something we have to work thorough, it may change dynamics a bit, but  nope. They will always be my friend. More on that in the next verse though.

Back to the chorus. Its important here, where the brakes are, and where they aren't.  let go and just be free. is all said in one breath. no awkward pauses, no breaths, it is smooth and flow .this is that moment when unconditional love does that. but it requires trust and vulnerability to get there, and it is freeing from the awkward pauses and hesitations earlier.
   the pauses in un con ditional ally change. they emphasize different things. Un con ditiona al. it is unconditional. this is for emphases i believe, but it also builds to the freedom that comes in trusting.   unconditionally is a different word, separate word, in the next verse, but it comes from the same root as unconditional.  to emphasis it is in fact unconditional, and an adjective describing how you are going to be loved.

The music slows back down to the reassuring pulse right here.  The person is not quite convinced of the singers unconditional love yet, and it takes time to build that trust. Moments of excitement can't be continuous in life, that would be exhausting, and one needs time to think rationally, not just in the excitement of the chorus.

vs 2

come/ just /as-you/are-to-me
Don't/ need/ A/polo/gies
Know/that/you/are/a/worthy
I'll-Take/ your/bad-days-with-your/good
Walk/through/the/storm/I-would
I-do/it-all-because-I-love you
I Love you.

There is still the stuttering pace here, but its a bit less awkward, more words roll together, except the apologies and worthy lines, where we are being reassured again.  there is increasing freedom and flow by the end of it all, by the proclamation of that love.  This is clearly speaking at someone who questions their worth, their love ability.  they are awkward about opening up, hesitant about being rejected.

 The pauses are reassuring, they say, hey I'm not going to pace this faster than you can handle, we can take this at your natural pace, and I am going to truly love you no matter what, even when you have crazy days, Don't apologize for being you,for being awkward or for being human, that is how you are, and I love all of you, even the awkward, even the bad days.
 its interesting how much I'll take your bad days flows together, and then the walk through the storm is choppy, because that's how it is when you walk through a storm, its rough. its hard to get through, its a bit forced and pushed at times, but you do it, you keep going out of love and devotion, and then when that storm is over, you have the freedom to enjoy that unconditional love, that just survived something crazy and lived to tell the tale.

the music builds again to the fast free flowing pace. the choppy is over, it ended, kind of naturally, but also with labor, as is life and getting through its challenges with someone you love. My friends have taught me this, I think. because we have bad days sometimes, and its choppy, but we pull each other through it, and then we feel happy again and free, but sometimes with momentary stutters.

Chorus repeats as before. I don't thing there is much change to it, just building on what you already know. slightly less awkward pauses this time. unconditional love grows, it isn't built in a day, and the storms of life make it stronger and deeper, but that doesn't come without effort.

Bridge:
so open-up- your- heart/ and /just /let /it /begin
op/en -up- your/ heart /and/ just /let/ it /begin
open- up-your/ heart-and/ just /let /it/ begin
open- up- your -heart.

its choppy, and ends up in a free flowing phrase, emphasizing that transition into trust and love from fear and hesitation. but there is less hesitations than before.

Its the awkward steps into trust and freedom. and then She is human and has doubts too, so it goes back to the slow pace, but not for long. trust is a difficult two way thing. you risk tears when you open up, if you don't question that you will risk that pain, you are not being honest in your unconditional love.  Acceptance, of your self, of others, that is the key to be free. but its scary to let go and do that, but when we do, we feel much more free.

Accep/tance/ is-the/key/to-be
To-be/truly/free
will-you/ do/ the-same/ for-me?

Now the pace stays free, fast, and flowing because that trust has truly been built, the love is now truly unconditional, and the pauses are less emphasised here, though they continue to exist, because hard moments and tests of your unconditional love never truly go away, but you can learn to push through them faster.

That is my thoughts on this song, and what it means, and why it is all awkward and choppy like that. by the end, its built to almost no choppiness, but there is still hard moments to work through, even though opening up has made you so much more free than in the beginning. and the music has lost that slow pulse and is now heading on to triumphant glory, like an Olympic sprinter.

Pumpkin Pie- From Scratch ( In Photos)

Get pumpkins. I like to have a pie pumpkin, and the smaller ones.

Cut them in half, and gut them. Then put them in the oven and bake them till they are soft. I think I usually do 350, for around 30-40 min

clean out the guts, wash the seeds off, and throw out the stem and stringy stuff

                                             Put seeds on a baking sheet and season them.
                                   pop them in the oven with the pumpkins until they are toasted.

when the pumpkins look like this, they are done. let them cool

scoop out the pumpkin flesh from the shell, and put it in a blender with some milk. 

puree until it is smooth

then strain it, to get all the stringy and lumps out.

smooth as budda.  put that in the fridge while you work on the pie shell

Keep the butter cold. 1 1/4 c flour, 1/4 t salt, and 1/2 cup butter- cold, chopped up and cut into the flour

add one table spoon of ice cold water at a time,  and mix the ingreedients together until they

start to ball up. form into a ball, put in fridge and let chill 4 hrs, or over night.

Lightly greese a surface, and roll that dough out!!  make it a little bigger than your pie tin

put it in the pie tin. poke it a bit so there are no air bubbles

Back to that pumpkin- mix in two eggs, a can of sweeten condensed milk, and 1.5t pumpkin spice,3/4 c brown sugar (packed down) and 1/2 t salt. mix then pour that batter into your pie shell. 

bake in the oven for 40 min, at 400f. put a pan under just in case there is spillage. 

take left over dough, and a cookie cutter shapped like  a leaf, and make leaf shapes.

then paint the leaf with red, yellow and orange food coloring. bake the leaf at 400f for10 min.

Stick the leaf on your cooled pie, and enjoy. 

Im Thankful For You, I Thought You Knew

A little over a week ago, I started an undertaking of immense proportions, on top of my already exhausting load.  I did this, because I thought I it would be a nice thing for both me and my friends. What I failed to realized,  was that it isn't just a nice thing, its a necessary and too much neglected thing.

 As the month of November comes to a close, So does the constant daily posts of what people are grateful for. A wonderful tradition, and an expression of gratitude. It was this very act that brought about my own idea of how I could show some thanks.

 It took me all of about five seconds thought to realize that if I were to joint the gratitude posting train it would quickly sound very repetitive and insincere, because there is one thing that means more to me in my life probably than anything else. One group of people who make everything in my life have meaning, worth living. They make heaven worth striving for, and I can tell you right now, if I thought for a second my eternities would not have them in it, I would give up every effort to get there, because any eternity without them would really just be Hell to me.

 I am of course referencing my most amazing friends. Now, before anyone thinks that discounts my family, I shall clarify. From the time I was very young, I came up with a saying:
 When your friends become family to you, and when your family become friends to you then you know you have reached a level where you truly love them.

I have so many of my friends that have become my family, and so many of my family have become my friends,  that  I feel grateful for them each and every day, more than anything else that I have. I would say my Savior Jesus Christ, and my Heavenly Father also top that list, and  I think that's grand, because that defiantly makes eternity with them worth fighting for.  but, I digress.

 What I decided to do instead of continuously telling everyone how grateful I am for them in one big post, which they would never feel all that much about, was, I decided it was time I start telling them individually truly what they mean to me, and why they mean it.  I've done this for one week. One person a day. I plan at least to continue until my birthday. I made a list, and I drew names out of a hat, because every name was so important to me I couldn't pick who would be first.

 After one week of doing this, I realized that I have done a terrible job in the past. I don't think any of my dearest friends from week one knew how much I loved them, how important they were to me, and why. That makes me sad, because I look back, and I can see why you wouldn't know that, but I hoped that I had done a better job of letting you know how important you are to me than I have done.

 This year, I think I have a deeper desire than ever before to be a better friend. To show you and tell you all how much you mean to me, but I can be really shy, even around my closest friends, and expressing my deep feelings of love and gratitude for you is kind of hard for me. So please do know this. I love you. I care. I'm so so very grateful you are in my life, and I'll try harder to make that clear from now on. 

Special, Unique, Different and Why I Asked

This morning I woke up with a question that had to be answered.  What makes some people think negatively of the words special, unique, and different, and others think only happy thoughts about those words. So I asked. I asked co workers, I asked on Facebook.  I wanted to know if there were any patterns, if there was an age, or geographical, or religious reason.  I found none of those patterns to exist.

 I only got a response from about 50 people, all of who know me. So this was in no way scientific, and in no way a random sample. well, there were random elements to it.  The people that responded lived in the pacific north west, and the rocky mountains. They were between the ages of  25 and 65. They were almost equally male and female.  Some were from the same family, some were even twins.  Some were not related at all.  Some were gay, some were straight. Some were Mormon, lots were mormon. Some were Catholic, Lutheran, Athiest, some are leaning towards eastern religions but are undecided.  See, I had some variety in there.

 When I started asking this question, I thought I would get more negative responses out of people in Utah than on the West Coast. That was not the case.  Then I thought maybe there would be an age correlation, and maybe  it would be stronger towards people my parents age for the negative response. Also, not the case.

 But as I asked people, one thing was very very clear, with no context to judge from, most people had very very strong opinions and fit in one of three categories.

Negative, to the point of being almost impossible to see these words in a positive light without context.

Positive, to the point of it being absolutely impossible that someone would use then wonderful words in any negative way.

Positive, with an acknowledgement that other people may see and use the words negatively, but that they had chosen to see everything in a positive light, and possibly that they were unique and different and OK with that, and people that weren't could go jump in a lake.

 It was interesting to me, that most of the responses I got throughout the day in person, or else by personal one on one communication on instant messaging were neck and neck between the positives and the negatives. When I went to Facebook with the question, very few people expressed a negative view at all.

 The family I asked, my own, or more specifically my mom and her sisters and one of my cousins, were all divided. half were very positive, to the point of not understanding how anyone could be negative, and the other half were extremely negative.  in that family, twins. and the twins were polar opposites in their responses. That, I will say, absolutely blew my mind.

 As I got responses throughout the day, one of my favorites was a positive response that was also incredibly unique. Not a one line response, this person went through and explained the great thing about each of the words- different  is a learning experience,  normal is over rated,  and all the words together bring curiosity and interest.

It was interesting to see what happened when people broke the words apart, rather than taking them as a whole. some words were positive some negative, some neutral, all together the feeling for the words was different from individually.

One of my favorite conversations was with a person that went to school with me, but that was a year younger. We had a really good talk about how our schools could be very clicky, and how those words were often used very negatively in elementary school and Jr high school. She had a more negative view of those words.

 I really enjoyed that someone put content. that's happy and at peace to me, but not so overwhelmingly happy, just happy enough. That's how I interpreted that.  Sometimes it was hard to get a straight answer out of people. Some of them would answer in a statement that I am sure they thought was crystal clear, but part of the reason this question came up, is that some words mean different things to different people, and without a context to your statements, or some clarity, they can be easy to misinterpret.

Many people who were either positive acknowledging the negative, or just flat out negative sighted experiences with bullying, or references to Forest Gump, the "special" bus, any kind of special needs group,  or growing up being told to stay away from people that were in any way different from themselves. The most unique negative response (in a good way;) was that it was pretentious. That's interesting, someone looking down on you because they are special, rather than the rest of the negatives that felt special was looked down upon.

Many of the positive people quickly referenced people of their same religion, or even in one instance, being happy that they were not part of a states major religious majority and like "those people."  Many just used the word happy, and some talked about spiritual things and being special to God or his special people.

Your responses were intriguing to me. I hope someday to expand this with a larger and more random sample. But lets be honest, none of you are reading this to find out what each other said. You want to know why I asked this, and what my response is.

 I just finished watching the voice. There is great irony in the fact that I love the voice because I think of all the musical reality shows,  it is the best at embracing and celebrating uniqueness, and originality. It is the most positive and uplifting show. The singers on there that are my favorite are unique, special, and different, in a positive way. They bring a quality and a richness to their performances, and the ones that don't are forgettable, and I'm not sad when the forgettable are voted off.

 That said, with no context, and sometimes even in a very positive context, I go extremely negative in my reaction to these words. I hope someday, through great friends and programs like the voice to be better at celebrating different, special and unique.  I think I can do well at celebrating it in others, but applied to me personally I still have a hard time doing that.

 My personal quote of the year, the question I have felt God and many of my friends and loved ones have asked me in one way or another, and that I have even asked myself  is from the movie "What a Girl Wants".   It is simply this: "Why do you try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"

 I have no doubt in my mind that I was born to stand out. But from my travel patterns to everything else I do in life, I try my hardest to blend in. I'm not good at it, I don't think I'm meant to.  And the thing that triggered all of this, was when a friend gave me a compliment, using the words unique and special, and said it in such a way that there could be no doubt it was meant as a compliment, and to uplift. My gut reaction kicked in in that moment to a point that shocked the heck out of me.  I instantly got angry. If I could have punched someone, I probably would have if I could have. I reacted very quickly in my head, but silently in person with a "what exactly are you trying to say about me?"  Hearing those words made me feel  like I must be unacceptable, and sub standard, weird, and in capable of blending in with "normal people"  for all of thirty seconds, till logic took over, and then I interpreted it as she meant it, or at least I tried to.

 That wasn't anything my friend said, she said the opposite. She was saying that I am amazing and awesome and should embrace my awesomeness and shine for the world Based on  today's responses clearly feels positive about those words. And I knew that, pretty quickly after I felt those negative feelings, I knew that wasn't her intent. So it caught me really strongly that I would react that way. Then I remembered all the times this year I received blessings and was told "your heavenly father wants you to know  you are special, you are one of his special daughters."  or reading many times the words "special" or "unique" in my patriarchal blessing. And I got mad at God about those too.  I think one time I thought, "God Stop calling me special, I don't like that!" and then I realized, Gods meaning of special is always positive, and I am the one that needs to change, not him.

 So basically, that was it, that's where it came from. A little kick in the gut of self awareness, and just trying to figure out why I try so hard to fit in, when clearly I am more awesome when I knock that nonsense off, and just be me. In fact, I have tried to be someone else, I have tried to blend in. I can't do it, at the end of the day, I must be me, and I have accepted that, but apparently I still have some work to do.

 I think the most insightful conversations of the day were with my mom, and that friend from school. In Elementary school and Jr High, I watched countless friends be bullied for being different, unique, and special. Sometimes, I got a bit of that myself. Mostly I just learned, if you want to be safe, you have to be invisible, you have to blend in and you have to be a part of the crowd. Otherwise people will call you names, spit on you, throw stuff at you, slam you head into the wall, and all that crap.

 Well, I'm tired of being safe. I just want to be me.  And my real friends like me better that way. Please continue to tell me I am special, Unique and different. Go ahead and tell me that I'm weird and should stay that way, because that's how you love me any way. I promise, I will not punch you, and maybe together we can move me to that middle category- "I know people sometimes say negative things about those words, but I think they are positive"

 Maybe I should make a bumper sticker "keep Mandi weird"    I think I live in an area that does a good job celebrating uniqueness. I have good friends that keep showing me that there is no reason to be afraid of being yourself. I think that is great. I agree about that for other people. I will someday agree about it for me. For now,  I encourage further discussion on the matter, and  watching this video. Be brave my fellow negatives. BE BRAVE.

Awkward Mormon Moments

You know, there are things as Mormons that we experience that are super awkward, but that you just know only other Mormons are going to get why its so awkward.  These are just a few....

Women:
1.  When you forget to put on a bra because you have too many layers of clothing on top to notice its missing.

2. When you are uncomfortable at work all morning and go to the bathroom and realize you put your garments on inside out this morning and you are going to have to remove four or five layers of clothing to fix it or keep being uncomfortable.

Singles:
3. When you go to a single adult dance and  find a new buddy that you swear you know from somewhere, and go home and realize its your friends mom- you know, one of the ones you were friends with before you got too old and got kicked out of the singles ward.

Missionaries:
4. When someone of the opposite sex tries to hug you, and you do that awkward avoidance dance, because you're a missionary.

5. BEING A MISSIONARY.

6. Insert pretty much any language mishap here.  such as blessing food to be poisonous instead of useful to your body,  telling someone it was nice to suck them instead of nice to meet them because you mixed up the conjugations.  calling yourself "Elder Outhouse".

7. loosing your companion, and having a panic attack about it in the middle of the grocery store.

8. having someone open their door and be in their underwear.

9. street contacting someone at a bus stop. having them hard core reject you, and then getting on the same bus and having to stand next to them for the next 20 stops.

Ward Choir:
10.  Not reading the little slip of paper the choir director slipped you on your way up to sing that said only the men would be singing the second verse now. And because you didn't read it, you sing your loudest and proudest Alto solo and join the men.

  if you have more, please share them in the comments. =)

Lets Get Dancey!!!

Ive spent the last two weeks in relative social isolation because i had a cold and i didnt feel weel, or have any energy.

I am an introvert. This means, i get energy being alone or in small groups.

The good news is there is a single adult dance tonight, and i have amassed so much energy i could burst. In fact, i havent been able to sleep the last three nights, and i havent been tires, at all.

So, im pretty sure tonight im gonna get crazy and dancey, and drain that excess energy off to the extroverts who like to take all our hard earned introvert energy, but this time, im considering it a symbotic relationship, because i want to be able to sleep tonight.

The only real danger here, is that in getting older, my feet have become wimpy. Im not sure they can withstand this level of awesome dancing without injury.

Its very likely i will not be able to walk tomorrow. I may need to use a cane.  ;-)

The Harder you try, The harder you fail. Or not...

  I think the worst day of the month is the day I pay all my bills. It has a way of discouraging me like almost nothing else. Why?  I dont know. I work my butt off. I try to manage my money responsibly, and actually, Im doing better than it seems at this second in my head. A lot better.  But something about watching hudreds of dollars suddenly empty out of your bank account the very day that it gets put there to begin with, is just very discouraging.

  At the moment, I am wondering why I am trying to do so stinking much. Why am I trying to go back to school, work my regular job,  and be co-coordinator for the CFC all at the same time, while trying to write a very emotional ten page essay for a project I will discuss at a later date- its super emotional.  Any way, WHY!!!!!! why  on earth am I trying to do so much at once, and add to it this and that, and then I come home, pay my bills and wonder why I am so freaking stressed out and want to cry?
 
Is there any particular reason I feel I must accomplish all of these things now, and that none of them can wait?  Well, mainly there is one. My name is Mandi, and its just what I do. After a week of being sick with a cold and out of commission, I have so much catching up to do on everything.  Maybe its time I take a little advice, and SLOW IT DOWN. Yes,  I think that is what I shall do.  Im going to go get some emotional support tonight at ARP, and I will not pay any more bills tonight, I can pay them tomorrow. I will not write any essays tonight, I couldn't if I wanted to. And Im not doing my Psychology homework tonight, because Im too stressed out,  and I wont get anything out of it any way.

 Tonight, I am going to succeed in feeling loved, supported, and calm.  I think I can handle that much. and that is all.       Sometimes, the harder you try  the harder you fail, just because you are trying to do too much and increasing the probability that you will fail at something. keep trying, but "see that ye do all things in wisdom, and in order." 

Procrastination Is Really Just Delaying Joy, To Wallow In Misery

  So. I like to start everything with so. Why? well, its a great way to delay saying what I actually want to say, especially at times when I am having a hard time saying it.

 I've faced and done a lot of hard things this year. Always facing and doing hard things is better than hiding and running away from them, I know that from experience. However, It doesn't make it any easier to do the hard things, or make me less procrastinatory (yup I just made up a word for funzies) in doing those hard things.

 I have found however, that when I do procrastinate doing hard things, it does not make me less miserable than actually doing them, it just drags the misery out longer. But, even as I write this post, I do so to procrastinate doing some hard, but important writing in other places. Why? I have nothing really to say right now in this blog, except how miserable delaying writing what must be written makes me, but alas, I am lacking courage to write what must be written, and I keep hoping that some how magically, in the writing of this blog, or the playing of candy crush on face book and other useless endeavors, I will some how suddenly gain all the courage needed.

 Let us learn. Courage doesn't come before it is needed. It doesn't come in waiting. Courage comes in running to the battle and facing down those demons that threaten to destroy all your peace and happiness. The longer you wait to face them, the more power they gain. The sooner you face and fight, the sooner that peace and courage can come to you.

 now, if you'll excuse me, I have found my courage. I shall go write.

My TV List

So, I think you can probably tell a lot about a person by the shows they choose to watch, or choose not to watch. Now that we are into the new season of TV a bit, I thought I'd share my list of what I watch, in no particular order.

1. Project Runway.
2. Mater Chef
3.Hell's Kitchen (yeah I'm a fan of Ramsey.)
4. Kitchen Nightmares
5. Duck Dynasty
6. Hart of Dixie
7. Grimm
8. The Voice
9. The Big Bang Theory
10. Nashville
11. Doctor Who
12. Sherlock
13.Downton Abbey


That's my shows I wont miss.
Here is my list of show that I started watching,and then got bored with. So now I will only watch them if there is nothing better I want to do..

1. Sleepy Hallow- I had great hopes in this, It started well, and then it kind of just lost momentum
2. Shield. - I want to like this, but I just dont care
3. New Girl- If Zooey Deschanel sang more, I'd probably watch more. But im just not pulled into the story line as much since mid second season, they kind of lost me.


I dont spend all my time watching tv. I watch online while I do things like cook and clean. so yeah. I dont spend all day watching shows.