So today I was feeling very tired and mopey. I am still not completely recovered from my illness, and I am at about month ten of being in YSA Relief Society Presidencies. I love it, actually, but it can be very demanding at times, and I just don't have much stamina right now. I so wish I could do more than I physically, mentally, and emotionally am currently capable of. On top of it one of my friends is struggling through a break up, and another friend is struggling with a very seriously ill 2yr oldish child who has a tumor of a very serious sort.
Since hearing the later news I cannot seem to stop crying when I think of that cute little boy and what my beloved friend must be going through. All of this combined with work, and the Presidency make me feel quite helpless. If you add to that the fact that I had to bring and end (still hoping this is only a temporary thing) to one of the dearest friendships I have ever had, I have been feeling very very helpless lately. I mean, AGENCY BAHHHHHH!!! no seriously, I am glad we have the agency to choose our lives for ourselves, but sometimes other peoples choices can be very frustrating and saddening. And sometimes their choices seem to not leave us many choices either.
Well, I am not trying to whine about all this, its life, all I am saying is that I feel seriously humbled, Helpless, and realize how much I have to rely on my Heavenly Father for support, and how much my friends do too. Not much you can do if you find out your boy had a tumor except take him to doctors. when there is a `10% survival rate as i read on her husbands post, associated with that, that would make you feel pretty helpless too. All you can do is pray, and do you best with the technology we have, but really that one is basically in Gods hands. Not much you can do about a break up other than decided if you will act Christlike, and as a grown up, or if you will be childish and throw a temper tantrum about it (i know i had to make that decision, i think i landed somewhere in the middle on that one). and as far as my impact on the world through work or church, well at the end of the day, all I can do is all I can do. People have to choose, and God has to direct me how best to act. If I try to do it on my own, i will likely fail and get really frustrated.
So after all that thinking, I fell asleep on the bus. I was flat out exhausted in every way possible on the way home from work. I didn't even see who the person was that sat beside me on the bus. I could feel someone there though.
I fell very very deeply asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed, but I remember it was very funny because I was laughing in my dream and then something kind of woke me from it ,and I felt I had been on the verge of sleep laughing. the bus turned the corner to the parking lot so i started to really wake up.
Then I looked to the side of me, and I saw him. One of the most beautiful man/boys in the world , OK, in Poulsbo WA. I don't know his name, or how old he is. He looks like he is early 20's and therefore way too young for me. I have seen him before, and always thought he was eye candy. I kinda wanted to talk to him.
This was my chance, but I had just woken up, and possibly sleep laughed among other potentially embarrassing in sleep things I could have done, or said, snored or drooled - no there was no drool I would have noticed. so I reached into my pocket to get my keys out, and be more facing him. I tried to think of something cleaver to say and then.... a used Kleenex fell out of my pocket and onto his seat, kind of between us. oops. I quickly picked it up and apologized. He shrugged and walked off the bus, and put his headphones in. FAIL.
Since hearing the later news I cannot seem to stop crying when I think of that cute little boy and what my beloved friend must be going through. All of this combined with work, and the Presidency make me feel quite helpless. If you add to that the fact that I had to bring and end (still hoping this is only a temporary thing) to one of the dearest friendships I have ever had, I have been feeling very very helpless lately. I mean, AGENCY BAHHHHHH!!! no seriously, I am glad we have the agency to choose our lives for ourselves, but sometimes other peoples choices can be very frustrating and saddening. And sometimes their choices seem to not leave us many choices either.
Well, I am not trying to whine about all this, its life, all I am saying is that I feel seriously humbled, Helpless, and realize how much I have to rely on my Heavenly Father for support, and how much my friends do too. Not much you can do if you find out your boy had a tumor except take him to doctors. when there is a `10% survival rate as i read on her husbands post, associated with that, that would make you feel pretty helpless too. All you can do is pray, and do you best with the technology we have, but really that one is basically in Gods hands. Not much you can do about a break up other than decided if you will act Christlike, and as a grown up, or if you will be childish and throw a temper tantrum about it (i know i had to make that decision, i think i landed somewhere in the middle on that one). and as far as my impact on the world through work or church, well at the end of the day, all I can do is all I can do. People have to choose, and God has to direct me how best to act. If I try to do it on my own, i will likely fail and get really frustrated.
So after all that thinking, I fell asleep on the bus. I was flat out exhausted in every way possible on the way home from work. I didn't even see who the person was that sat beside me on the bus. I could feel someone there though.
I fell very very deeply asleep. I don't remember what I dreamed, but I remember it was very funny because I was laughing in my dream and then something kind of woke me from it ,and I felt I had been on the verge of sleep laughing. the bus turned the corner to the parking lot so i started to really wake up.
Then I looked to the side of me, and I saw him. One of the most beautiful man/boys in the world , OK, in Poulsbo WA. I don't know his name, or how old he is. He looks like he is early 20's and therefore way too young for me. I have seen him before, and always thought he was eye candy. I kinda wanted to talk to him.
This was my chance, but I had just woken up, and possibly sleep laughed among other potentially embarrassing in sleep things I could have done, or said, snored or drooled - no there was no drool I would have noticed. so I reached into my pocket to get my keys out, and be more facing him. I tried to think of something cleaver to say and then.... a used Kleenex fell out of my pocket and onto his seat, kind of between us. oops. I quickly picked it up and apologized. He shrugged and walked off the bus, and put his headphones in. FAIL.
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