A few weeks ago while I was In church I started writing a post on my phone that I never finished, and apparently didn't save properly. It was supposed to be about how God had bigger plans for us than we have for ourselves, how sometimes the things that we want are far below what he would give us, what he has in mind for us. I know that is true, and I know in my life when I align my will with Gods will, that is when i find the most happiness and joy.
I don't know what I was going to write that Sunday, but recent events have given me great cause to ponder this subject in terms of marriage, Which seems to be your favorite subject to read about. There are many kinds of marriage available here on the earth, organized by governments, by men, and by religions. There is only one Marriage that I believe to be organized by God and as a covenant, if lived up to valid and recognized by him not only for here and now, but throughout all eternity. Families are the most important part of life here on earth, and throughout eternity, so this is a subject I take very seriously.
For the past few weeks some of my co-workers have been playing match maker with me. There is a guy we all mutually know that is a very very wonderful man, an excellent worker, kind, good looking, and has many many great qualities. I consider him a very great and dear friend, and for reasons I will try to explain, that is where it must stay, no matter how closed minded anyone else believes I am being.
I have tried to think over the past couple of days how I could possibly explain to anyone why it is so important to me to marry a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. I don't know that I can do it justice honestly, but I will try. One reason this dear man for now must only be a friend, is that he isn't a member of my church, and he isn't able to take me to the temple to marry me.
Some have expressed that it is sad that a relationship of that nature could be cast aside just on the grounds of religion, if it were just religion then that truly would be sad. But it really isn't. My church doesn't say I can't marry a non member, I know many that have and have made it work, and even sometimes later in life their spouse may reach a point where they decided to join the church and be married in the temple, but this arrangement is not for me.
I wish I could even begin to explain the blessings that are possible through and eternal and celestial marriage, I don't even fully understand them though, and I wont have words. I just know that God wants me to have more than just someone I am married to for here and now, that brings me a measure of joy, God wants me to have a fullness of joy, and that is available only in his holy house (the temple) through making and keeping sacred covenants.
Even in the short term, if I were to marry someone not believing in and following the gospel of Jesus Christ, and living and making the same covenants and on the same religious course as me, it would just be settling for less, it would make me unhappy and cause me great heart ache no matter how much else love, or fun, or how many things in common we had.
The first and greatest obstacle I thought of was actually the Word of Wisdom. Speaking particularly of this instance, I know he would want to have coffee, tea, and alcohol in my house. I could compromise and make this work, and it would be OK. But, I don't want it there. I don't want it in my house. It would be a source of constant internal conflict that I have no doubt would over time erode away the strength and love in our marriage and result in divorce.
Even in dating, I know that the law of chastity would probably lead to conflict, and that is yet another concern. He may be respectful and that would be fine, but it would still be an underling stress and conflict if one doesn't believe in no sex before marriage. Another problem in marriage, would be the constant struggle, to constantly be going alone to church, to put my children in an unstable and conflict filled battle ground, and to not feel like I was understood in this aspect of my life would be exhausting to me. He would also feel constant pressure to either join me, or would pressure me to not go so I could spend time with him. Church stuff takes a lot of time.
Also, I would like my marriage to be a partnership to build a family for eternity, with eternal goals, based on a foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I want my husband to help teach these things too. When I get old, I want to go on a mission with my husband, this would be yet one more thing I would be required to sacrifice for a non temple marriage
I understand that temple marriages do not always work out ideally, that there are struggles and still divorces, and spouses that give up on their covenants and these struggles still exist for some. I know that some marry a non member and eventually they get those things that I don't want to sacrifice, I know its possible for that change over time.
The thing of the matter is that, I don't want to start knowing that I am already in that battle. I don't want to have to constantly hope for and pray for that change in a spouse. I have waited 30 years (What girl doesn't start planning her marriage from birth? ) and I am willing to wait 30 more, or even more than that if necessary to have a marriage that can be built on eternal foundations. I will wait and trust in the Lords timing till that time I can settle for more than just here and now, more than just what will make me happy for an instance. True happiness is longer lasting, it gives hope despite challenges and it looks for and builds towards eternity.
I love my friends all of them, whether they believe in God or not, whether they are Mormons or not. I think everyone in humanity has a great deal to do to help each other and contribute to each other. I appreciate the diversity of growing up and being around people of different faiths, or no faiths, there is much we can all learn from each other. But in terms of marriage, dating, those relationships, I cannot settle for less than what God has planned for me, I cannot settle for less than temple and eternity bound. I wish I could explain all the feelings in my heart on this matter, but here at least is a start. I hope that helps my friends and co-workers to understand a little better.
I don't know what I was going to write that Sunday, but recent events have given me great cause to ponder this subject in terms of marriage, Which seems to be your favorite subject to read about. There are many kinds of marriage available here on the earth, organized by governments, by men, and by religions. There is only one Marriage that I believe to be organized by God and as a covenant, if lived up to valid and recognized by him not only for here and now, but throughout all eternity. Families are the most important part of life here on earth, and throughout eternity, so this is a subject I take very seriously.
For the past few weeks some of my co-workers have been playing match maker with me. There is a guy we all mutually know that is a very very wonderful man, an excellent worker, kind, good looking, and has many many great qualities. I consider him a very great and dear friend, and for reasons I will try to explain, that is where it must stay, no matter how closed minded anyone else believes I am being.
I have tried to think over the past couple of days how I could possibly explain to anyone why it is so important to me to marry a worthy priesthood holder in the temple. I don't know that I can do it justice honestly, but I will try. One reason this dear man for now must only be a friend, is that he isn't a member of my church, and he isn't able to take me to the temple to marry me.
Some have expressed that it is sad that a relationship of that nature could be cast aside just on the grounds of religion, if it were just religion then that truly would be sad. But it really isn't. My church doesn't say I can't marry a non member, I know many that have and have made it work, and even sometimes later in life their spouse may reach a point where they decided to join the church and be married in the temple, but this arrangement is not for me.
I wish I could even begin to explain the blessings that are possible through and eternal and celestial marriage, I don't even fully understand them though, and I wont have words. I just know that God wants me to have more than just someone I am married to for here and now, that brings me a measure of joy, God wants me to have a fullness of joy, and that is available only in his holy house (the temple) through making and keeping sacred covenants.
Even in the short term, if I were to marry someone not believing in and following the gospel of Jesus Christ, and living and making the same covenants and on the same religious course as me, it would just be settling for less, it would make me unhappy and cause me great heart ache no matter how much else love, or fun, or how many things in common we had.
The first and greatest obstacle I thought of was actually the Word of Wisdom. Speaking particularly of this instance, I know he would want to have coffee, tea, and alcohol in my house. I could compromise and make this work, and it would be OK. But, I don't want it there. I don't want it in my house. It would be a source of constant internal conflict that I have no doubt would over time erode away the strength and love in our marriage and result in divorce.
Even in dating, I know that the law of chastity would probably lead to conflict, and that is yet another concern. He may be respectful and that would be fine, but it would still be an underling stress and conflict if one doesn't believe in no sex before marriage. Another problem in marriage, would be the constant struggle, to constantly be going alone to church, to put my children in an unstable and conflict filled battle ground, and to not feel like I was understood in this aspect of my life would be exhausting to me. He would also feel constant pressure to either join me, or would pressure me to not go so I could spend time with him. Church stuff takes a lot of time.
Also, I would like my marriage to be a partnership to build a family for eternity, with eternal goals, based on a foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. I want my husband to help teach these things too. When I get old, I want to go on a mission with my husband, this would be yet one more thing I would be required to sacrifice for a non temple marriage
I understand that temple marriages do not always work out ideally, that there are struggles and still divorces, and spouses that give up on their covenants and these struggles still exist for some. I know that some marry a non member and eventually they get those things that I don't want to sacrifice, I know its possible for that change over time.
The thing of the matter is that, I don't want to start knowing that I am already in that battle. I don't want to have to constantly hope for and pray for that change in a spouse. I have waited 30 years (What girl doesn't start planning her marriage from birth? ) and I am willing to wait 30 more, or even more than that if necessary to have a marriage that can be built on eternal foundations. I will wait and trust in the Lords timing till that time I can settle for more than just here and now, more than just what will make me happy for an instance. True happiness is longer lasting, it gives hope despite challenges and it looks for and builds towards eternity.
I love my friends all of them, whether they believe in God or not, whether they are Mormons or not. I think everyone in humanity has a great deal to do to help each other and contribute to each other. I appreciate the diversity of growing up and being around people of different faiths, or no faiths, there is much we can all learn from each other. But in terms of marriage, dating, those relationships, I cannot settle for less than what God has planned for me, I cannot settle for less than temple and eternity bound. I wish I could explain all the feelings in my heart on this matter, but here at least is a start. I hope that helps my friends and co-workers to understand a little better.
Love this! Thank you so much for sharing! It is so true and you put it so beautifully and explained it perfectly! I love your point that Heavenly Father has bigger and better plans then we could ever have for ourselves! That is something I need to remind myself when I'm feeling discouraged or down. Thank you, Mandi!
ReplyDeleteThe bottom line is that you need to live with this man, not your co-workers, so I'm glad that you're narrowly defining what you want in a relationship. Raising children in two different religions is very difficult, if not impossible, depending on how strongly your partner feels about his religion. So, yes, I totally agree that if you're committed to going to church, church service, temple attendance, etc, you will not be happy doing these things alone. The Word of Wisdom isn't such a big deal for me because I did find a non-Mormon, who doesn't drink alcohol or smoke (but recently started drinking coffee on the weekends, haha!) But that's exactly the point, those were the things (no drinking, no smoking) that I didn't want to compromise on, and I absolutely feel that our lives together is much easier because we both don't drink alcohol or smoke.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure, at times, it's hard for you to wait, and maybe at times you do think that you're being "picky" but marriage is hard enough! You should at least be on the same page with your husband on the big things like religion, lifestyle, etc.