It feels like ages!! Im so glad to talk to you all again. Its been quite a year, as you can tell from what I did post, and you can guess from what I didnt. A lots happened in the past two months, a lot of really hard things, but I feel like Ive learned a lot. Im sure Im not completely out of the forest of feelings, but I finally feel alive again today, and well.
I think yesterday I learned something valuable about myself, quite by accident, as I was talking to a friend and she pointed out something I had said without realizing.
What I said isnt important, what I learned is. I am the kind of person, that when something really hard to take happens, I tend to internalize and blame myself, rather than others. I forgive them quickly, then beat myself up for weeks.
Today, I stopped blaming myself. My friends who have told me repeatedly that its ok to be human have finally got their message through my thick skull, and I believe them. Sometimes life just happens and its nobodys fault, and you just need to process and then you are ok.
So, Lady Antibellums song, popped into my head quite appropriately as i left work. This is exactly how I feel today:
Hello world, how ya been?
Its good to see you again, my old friend.
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel,
Broken, like Im never gonna heal.
A little faith, a little grace, a flag unfurls, hello world.
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