As my regular readers may remember, I have been watching General Conference addresses lately starting with the year I was born. April 1982 was my first conference. Im now all the way to October 1982. Its been really interesting. Today I listened to a talk from Elder George P. Lee who was then a Seventy, but who was later excommunicated, and became a registered sex offender. It was interesting because the talk that followed was then Elder Gordon B. Hinkely, who became President Hinkley, and who in his 1982 talk warned against such offences against children, and warned against pornography among other things. Knowing that history colored how I listened to then Elder Lee's talk, which was about the Savior, and it made President Hinkelys talk sound all the more profound to me.
Another talk that I heard From Elder Marvin J Ashton affected me much more personally. His talk "Pure Religion" Said a great many things, that basically came down to having Christ like love for others, doing service and avoiding everything that doesn't fit in pure religion."Loving those around us includes being sensitive to feelings of others... To be unspotted from the world, one must avoid all of Satan’s evil plans for the inhabitants of the world. Retaliation, fault-finding, deceit, pettiness, hypocrisy, judging, and destroying one another do not belong in the definition of pure religion."
Recently I was insensitive to some of my friends, One in particular, but It kind of spread to effect multiple people, and at this point, I dont even know how many. I have lost contact with a few people because of this, and as I listened to this talk, and many others on reconciliation, and forgiveness and repentance, etc, I felt a growing desire to apologize especially to that friend. I thought and I thought, and I could find no good way of doing that as we have lost contact. My offence was made in a some what public way, and I could think of nothing else, so I decided to apologize here, not just to the one, or the two others I know know about it, but to anyone else that may have been negatively impacted by my carelessness.
Though I am sad to be out of the loop and not currently have some very important people to me in my life at the moment, I am much much more sad that anything I did hurt someone I cared so much about. Its actually bothered me since the moment I discovered my error quite a great deal, but I allowed some of my own hurts to get in the way of how I let my dear friend know that.
I dont know if those that need to hear this will ever read this. I hope that they do, but its very possible they may not. But this is the only way I could think of currently to say what I needed to say, and Elton John was correct, sorry does seem to be the hardest word.
To those who I offended, to those whose trust I betrayed in any way, to those I hurt in any way directly or indirectly, know that I am very very sorry that I caused you any pain and hurt in life. Know that I love you and care about you deeply, and though I can't change what happened, I hope to learn from it, and never repeat it. I hope to become the most trust worthy person I possibly can. I do my best, sometimes I just dont think things through all the way, and sometimes I am just not mindful of others.
I know that I can't do anything more to fix this than what I have done, Though I wish I could do more. So at this point, I send you my love, my prayers, and leave it all in the capable hands of the Savior for fixing. He's the only one who can fix it, because he's the only one who knows both our pains exactly, and the only one with the power to heal those kinds of hurts.
To anyone else in the past who I may have hurt, I say the same. Im sorry, I love you. Im trying to do better.
I shall leave with one last quote from the talk: " Empathy is sincere love for self and our fellowmen. Henry David Thoreau said, “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” If this were possible, I’m sure we could visit and help the widowed and fatherless and all who need our help with the pure love of Christ and thus be responsive to the needs of those around us."
I am greatful for the lessons I am learning this year. I've learned so much, and usually the hard way, but I hope I have learned well.
Another talk that I heard From Elder Marvin J Ashton affected me much more personally. His talk "Pure Religion" Said a great many things, that basically came down to having Christ like love for others, doing service and avoiding everything that doesn't fit in pure religion."Loving those around us includes being sensitive to feelings of others... To be unspotted from the world, one must avoid all of Satan’s evil plans for the inhabitants of the world. Retaliation, fault-finding, deceit, pettiness, hypocrisy, judging, and destroying one another do not belong in the definition of pure religion."
Recently I was insensitive to some of my friends, One in particular, but It kind of spread to effect multiple people, and at this point, I dont even know how many. I have lost contact with a few people because of this, and as I listened to this talk, and many others on reconciliation, and forgiveness and repentance, etc, I felt a growing desire to apologize especially to that friend. I thought and I thought, and I could find no good way of doing that as we have lost contact. My offence was made in a some what public way, and I could think of nothing else, so I decided to apologize here, not just to the one, or the two others I know know about it, but to anyone else that may have been negatively impacted by my carelessness.
Though I am sad to be out of the loop and not currently have some very important people to me in my life at the moment, I am much much more sad that anything I did hurt someone I cared so much about. Its actually bothered me since the moment I discovered my error quite a great deal, but I allowed some of my own hurts to get in the way of how I let my dear friend know that.
I dont know if those that need to hear this will ever read this. I hope that they do, but its very possible they may not. But this is the only way I could think of currently to say what I needed to say, and Elton John was correct, sorry does seem to be the hardest word.
To those who I offended, to those whose trust I betrayed in any way, to those I hurt in any way directly or indirectly, know that I am very very sorry that I caused you any pain and hurt in life. Know that I love you and care about you deeply, and though I can't change what happened, I hope to learn from it, and never repeat it. I hope to become the most trust worthy person I possibly can. I do my best, sometimes I just dont think things through all the way, and sometimes I am just not mindful of others.
I know that I can't do anything more to fix this than what I have done, Though I wish I could do more. So at this point, I send you my love, my prayers, and leave it all in the capable hands of the Savior for fixing. He's the only one who can fix it, because he's the only one who knows both our pains exactly, and the only one with the power to heal those kinds of hurts.
To anyone else in the past who I may have hurt, I say the same. Im sorry, I love you. Im trying to do better.
I shall leave with one last quote from the talk: " Empathy is sincere love for self and our fellowmen. Henry David Thoreau said, “Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant?” If this were possible, I’m sure we could visit and help the widowed and fatherless and all who need our help with the pure love of Christ and thus be responsive to the needs of those around us."
I am greatful for the lessons I am learning this year. I've learned so much, and usually the hard way, but I hope I have learned well.
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