I Found Peace

For months now, I have wondered, what will happen on the day I set foot in Memorial Stadium again? Will I cry? Will I be sad? Will the magic be gone, and in its place only the ache and longing for 'the good old days?'

Today was that day. I am shocked it came so soon. It shouldn't have. The first home game that the Reign have in Memorial Stadium is March 24th. Their first game, technically, is a pre-season opener against UW , at UW soccer stadium this Thursday. 

So last night when one of my friends DM'ed  me on Twitter and asked if I wanted to go to a closed scrimmage between the Reign and Washington State University, I decided to make this happen. To have my moment with memorial, and not have it in the middle of a crowd sounded ideal, heaven sent. All my fears, all the emotions and the chance to confront them, and sit with them rested upon me all morning.

When I woke up, I felt like I have been too lucky, the universe has thrown too much good my way, and it scared me. I seriously thought for a moment, that with this much good happening in my life, surely it means something terrible is coming and im going to die in the next year of cancer or something, because this much good just cant happen to me.  And  the  I did my Align With Joy gratitude journal.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1979442649/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_IfYMAbJ9C11Y1

By the end of the journal I felt like I had been wrong. Good things are happening because I am inviting them to happen, and I am open to opportunities that present themselves. I met my friend that invited me today through my time volunteering with the reign last season. If I hadn't put myself out there, today wouldn't have happened.  If I hadn't taken the chance, and made the effort of saying yes to my friend and orchestrating last minute arrangements last night, it still wouldn't have happened.

When I finished my journal I decided to get up, take a shower, do my make up and hair, put in contacts, and wear clothes that make me feel confident. I prepared to have a magical experience, and I fully expected on. So it happened. But it almost didn't happen.

At 8:25 my friend dropped me off the ferry. At 8:35 they announced that sailing was cancled. It would be cutting it close to drive to the other ferry, and driving around was cutting it close as well. I felt hopeless for a minute, like everything I had worked for had just been shut down by fate.

But I had to get there, and I had to have this moment. When my friend came back to get me, I asked if it would be possible to drive me to the bainbridge ferry, if we went straight there, we could probably make it in time. I was fortunate, and he could, and was willing. I could not have done this today without him. I think that's an important lesson, always ask for help when you need it. Always.

I made the bainbridge ferry with about 10 minutes before they started loading walk-ons. I put in my music, and started to do my reading for psychology class. In it I read that music, and hugs can increase dopamine in a similar way to certain drugs. I decided then that I should listen to the latest macklemore album while at the game.

Memorial Stadium being my church, Gemini is my Hymns. 

I had to take a Lyft to get to the stadium on time, but I did it. I sat with friends and we talked through some of our pain and sadness, and we experienced a renewal of the magic. I will still be fine in Memorial this year. What I found, sitting there watching  the very new Reign team and being in Memorial Stadium was peace with what had happened and what was before me.

And that may have been influenced by the music I chose. The first song I played there was 'Excavate'  and one of the lyrics in the chorus is "I found peace".

At the end of the game we had a chance to chat with two of the players that I met at the Ride with the Reign event. I was surprised that they seemed to remeber me and our hour or so chatting as well as I did. And that was pretty cool.

So, I think, even though there will always be things about this off season that make me a little sad, things and people I will always miss, I am at peace now. I am ready to create the things I have been asked to, and to help bring the magic in every way I can, not only for myself, but for as many as come to memorial stadium.

I'm already signed up for another year of volunteer set up before the games, and I am excited for the season that is ahead of  me at last.

One final note on players today, it was incredible to watch Jasmine Spencer play in person. She is one of our trade ins  from Orlando, and she was a joy to watch.

And now I will leave you with the words to another maclemore song on the album Gemini, 'Ain't Gonna Die Tonight':

"I ain't gonna die tonight
You can't kill me, not my spirit
History is ours tonight
The people are chanting, can't you hear it?
Whoa-oh-oh, whoa-oh-oh

Open up the doors on 'em, we playing tonight
Bring on the marching band and turn on the stadium lights
They gonna learn from me, this is our church to be
Life of a champion, ugh, so Freddy Mercury"