"I Ain't gonna die tonight, you can't kill me, not my spirit. History is ours tonight, the people are chanting can't you hear it. Open up the doors on 'em, we playing tonight. bring on the marching bands and turn on the stadium lights. They gonna learn from me, this is our church to be. Life of a champion, so Freddy Mercury... Its obvious who's night this is... victory in my grass gotta fight for this. The streets are ours this evening, going undefeated. If I happen to die to night put my spirit in the stars, bury me in the grave and carve 'the history was ours.' ... Wake up bitch, I ain't dead yet! And if I was in heaven I'd be the best dressed. ... and maybe its excess but we ain't cut from the same cloth, player. Talking to a boss player, checks like a ball player. Easy money all lay-ups I be pissing off the neighbors... I be in my lawn chair star gazing like woo! All praise to the most high, your boy in his own J's, I made it to court side... I took my weakness and turned that into a weapon and when everybody doubted me I turned that to my leopard. So I stand up on the stage, it wasn't planned, see it was destined. Look at fifty-thousand people with their hands unto the heavens and said.... Didn't come this far to lose. Won't let death make a move. Might not mean much to you but I'd die for this W. Let my life be something to prove. Every scrape, every fight, every cut, every bruise... the people are chanting, can't you hear it? - Macklemore Ain't gonna die tonight.
I don't think it can be overstated at this point just how many times I told my friends, Brynn, and fellow volunteers/interns how much I loved them while happy crying through out the day. Phrases I also uttered a lot were "Oh my gosh I love this song!" (that no one else could hear, because I was listening on my headphones.) and "This is the best day ever."
And now it was indeed time for it to be the best day ever. It was 4:30 pm. I had 15 mins until my Table Team as I called them were to arrive. I ran down to the Supporter section and grabbed a few things out of my bag, and said hello to the supporters group core. My friends. I had a good chat with Mark about our previous days words on twitter. "Mark, don't worry about it. We are cool." I said, before explaining to him in detail why exactly I would be cheering for Orlando and not Seattle this night. I made a good argument, and he almost joined me. Almost, but not. I wasn't here to have anyone join me though. I was here to cheer alone, against the crowd, because its what I needed to do for me, and me alone.
I ran up to merchandise and immediately ordered my Bev Yanez jersey. It was well past time that I do so, and today's interaction just reminded me of that. "Thanks Katherine. See you at halftime!" I said getting misty eyed and telling her and Emily that they were the best and I appreciated having such friends around helping make my dreams come true on the best day of my life. "We don't discriminate here," Katherine said. "We will make a jersey for anyone that pays for it." Katherine and I have this fun banter where she always gives me a hard time, and I always do things that are mildly annoying to her. Its really fun. I'm convinced she enjoys it as much as I do.
I left retail with just my wallet in hand. My bag was back with my supporter friends so I didn't have to take it through security. I walked out the front gates and all my friends appeared just as I arrived. Daniella and Hillary, from my indoor soccer team were Table subs. We had one person out due to injury, and one out due to a death in the family from my original pitch side crew. Barbara, my co-worker showed up last. I handed everyone their passes, while bragging excessively about how I also had a field pass. I was too excited and it just could not be contained.
We scanned our tickets and walked through the gates. I had everyone grab a program, that I instructed them I had put there myself. I was stupid, and I only grabbed one. This was an error. but its ok. I took my friends over to the Neuzest tent and tried protein bars with Daniella. I like these for game days, and she liked the idea too. Then we walked past the food vendors. "We don't need this" I said. "Our food is going to be at our table, my friend Matt carried it into the stadium himself." Daniella wanted to know if she could get a shirt, so I took them over to merchandise and told Katherine to take good care of my friends, just like she does me, while I went to get some water first water bottles. "We don't accept requests to treat customers poorly here." she teased me. I went and grabbed my water bottles laughing the whole way.
One or two of my supporter friends cornered me while we waited in the now very long line for the women's bathroom. Someone asked me about the Utah game trip, and how safe it would be during pride. I had friends everywhere, and my brain was going in a million directions. As we headed down to settle into our table, Kianna, one of the Royal Guard leaders teased me and asked if I would be joining the "commoners" again next game, or if this whole Pitch Side thing was going to become a thing. I assured her, I would be back with the commoners.
I was surprised when we were led to our table. It was in the area earlier that day I had deemed "Outer Darkness" Because it was beyond the regular stadium confines, and didn't have any drink stations next to it. I had wondered how we would get our drinks during the match, since the buckets full of ice and drinks were in the regular seating area of the pitch side zone. When we found our table though ,the very last of the tables I realized that it was in fact the best table ever. The PERFECT table for me to sit at on this night. And I immediately started to cry, as I tried to eat as much of my food as I could before I had to leave and do my part in the opening ceremonies.
We were sat AT THE FRICKING CORNER. With no barrier obstructing us. Perfect view of the goal all night long. IF any corners had been taken, they would have been taken right by us. They were not. Sad face. But also it was completely fine. Many a throw in happened maybe a foot away from me. And when you have a table like that, you sure as hell do not sit at it. Oh no. You stand the whole damn game!! Well, I sat for moments. but we were mostly too excited to sit. During warm ups a ball rolled over to us, and Daniella wanted to kick it back to them. I said to her, "I don't think they will let you." And then it was 5:30 and I had to go meet up to do flag duties. When I got back 30 mins later I was sent this picture and was told she had made friends with the linesman, and the goal coach was happy to have her kick the ball back.
I don't think it can be overstated at this point just how many times I told my friends, Brynn, and fellow volunteers/interns how much I loved them while happy crying through out the day. Phrases I also uttered a lot were "Oh my gosh I love this song!" (that no one else could hear, because I was listening on my headphones.) and "This is the best day ever."
And now it was indeed time for it to be the best day ever. It was 4:30 pm. I had 15 mins until my Table Team as I called them were to arrive. I ran down to the Supporter section and grabbed a few things out of my bag, and said hello to the supporters group core. My friends. I had a good chat with Mark about our previous days words on twitter. "Mark, don't worry about it. We are cool." I said, before explaining to him in detail why exactly I would be cheering for Orlando and not Seattle this night. I made a good argument, and he almost joined me. Almost, but not. I wasn't here to have anyone join me though. I was here to cheer alone, against the crowd, because its what I needed to do for me, and me alone.
I ran up to merchandise and immediately ordered my Bev Yanez jersey. It was well past time that I do so, and today's interaction just reminded me of that. "Thanks Katherine. See you at halftime!" I said getting misty eyed and telling her and Emily that they were the best and I appreciated having such friends around helping make my dreams come true on the best day of my life. "We don't discriminate here," Katherine said. "We will make a jersey for anyone that pays for it." Katherine and I have this fun banter where she always gives me a hard time, and I always do things that are mildly annoying to her. Its really fun. I'm convinced she enjoys it as much as I do.
I left retail with just my wallet in hand. My bag was back with my supporter friends so I didn't have to take it through security. I walked out the front gates and all my friends appeared just as I arrived. Daniella and Hillary, from my indoor soccer team were Table subs. We had one person out due to injury, and one out due to a death in the family from my original pitch side crew. Barbara, my co-worker showed up last. I handed everyone their passes, while bragging excessively about how I also had a field pass. I was too excited and it just could not be contained.
We scanned our tickets and walked through the gates. I had everyone grab a program, that I instructed them I had put there myself. I was stupid, and I only grabbed one. This was an error. but its ok. I took my friends over to the Neuzest tent and tried protein bars with Daniella. I like these for game days, and she liked the idea too. Then we walked past the food vendors. "We don't need this" I said. "Our food is going to be at our table, my friend Matt carried it into the stadium himself." Daniella wanted to know if she could get a shirt, so I took them over to merchandise and told Katherine to take good care of my friends, just like she does me, while I went to get some water first water bottles. "We don't accept requests to treat customers poorly here." she teased me. I went and grabbed my water bottles laughing the whole way.
One or two of my supporter friends cornered me while we waited in the now very long line for the women's bathroom. Someone asked me about the Utah game trip, and how safe it would be during pride. I had friends everywhere, and my brain was going in a million directions. As we headed down to settle into our table, Kianna, one of the Royal Guard leaders teased me and asked if I would be joining the "commoners" again next game, or if this whole Pitch Side thing was going to become a thing. I assured her, I would be back with the commoners.
I was surprised when we were led to our table. It was in the area earlier that day I had deemed "Outer Darkness" Because it was beyond the regular stadium confines, and didn't have any drink stations next to it. I had wondered how we would get our drinks during the match, since the buckets full of ice and drinks were in the regular seating area of the pitch side zone. When we found our table though ,the very last of the tables I realized that it was in fact the best table ever. The PERFECT table for me to sit at on this night. And I immediately started to cry, as I tried to eat as much of my food as I could before I had to leave and do my part in the opening ceremonies. 
We now enter the phase of this evening where Mandi thinks shes become Oprah, or Ellen and keeps telling everyone- "You get a dream, and you get a dream, and you get a dream, and I get all the dreams!" Because that is what it felt like.
I walked down through the pitch side tables, and showed the guard my field credentials. No one was there to meet us, so I stood next to Susana and watched Kop warm up. Apparently she waved or smiled at us at some point, but I had too much going on in my head at this point and I was afraid I would transmit all that anxious energy to Kop, so I stood there a short moment longer, in Superman pose, because this day had become way bigger than me, and everything I wanted was happening and it was way scarier than I thought to get everything you want. I did superman pose at least 40 times that night before it was over, just to get through it.
Finally I noticed one of the interns and Matt off in the corner with the girl scouts. As much as I wanted to stand there and watch Kop warm up, I was just too overstimulated by getting all the things and having the most amazing day and there wasn't room for anything more. So I backed away from the fence and the field and stood up by the players entrance, wrangling girl scouts and watching Kop warm up.
And then the girls started to cause problems. One of them ran off toward the field and I was sent to grab her. From that point on my job was to keep the girl scouts where they were supposed to be, and out of trouble. Kop finished up her warm up and her back up hopped in goal, and the girl scouts decided it was a game to get me to chase them around and to where they were supposed to be. Soon all the players were coming off the field and it was now my job to keep the girls from running into and disturbing the players. So I started to play games with them. first I did that live long and prosper sign from star trek. I asked who could do it. Everyone could. We then elevated our game from there to all the weird ways people could bend and move their fingers. Honestly, it was probably the most fun I have ever had.
The players were off. The field was clear and the ceremonies were about to begin. Brynn had mentioned to me earlier that day that she had almost chosen Macklemore's ' Good Old Day's" instead of Glorious for the opening hype song. I told her its good she changed her mind, we didn't need everyone crying before the game started. It didn't matter, I cried before the game started any way. The song started, and soon we were marching with a flag out onto a field. The rain had stopped an hour or so earlier, and the girls did good and hit our queues. We didn't mess anything up. Players were all escorted out onto the field behind us. I could almost see it. The National Anthem started to play and I focused just on holding my corner of a flag. When it was over, we marched off, folded up the flag, and I walked back to my table. Still crying those happy tears as Glorious played as I walked back to my seat.
"You know I'm back like I never left. Another sprint, another step. Another day, another breath. Been chasing dreams, but I never slept. I got a new attitude that a lease on life is a peace of mind. I seek and I find, I can sleep when I die, wanna piece of the pie, grab the keys to the ride, and shit I'm straight, I'm on my wave, I'm on my wave. Get out my wake, I'm running late, what can I say? I heard you die twice, once when they bury you in the grave. And the second time is the last time that somebody mentions your name. so when I leave here on this earth, did I take more than I gave? Did I look for other people or did I do it all for fame. Legend is exodus, searching for euphoria trudging through the mud to find the present, no ignoring us. Got 20,000 deep off in the streets like we some warriors. My mama told me never bow your head. I feel glorious, glorious. Got a chance to start again. I was born for this, born for this. Its who I am, how could I forget? I made it through the darkest night, and now I see the sunrise. Now I feel glorious, glorious."
No comments:
Post a Comment