"You know it's really tempting to think when we're talking about rest and recovery to assume it's something very passive, almost kind of unproductive, perhaps separate from our motivation or our performance. But of course ultimately they are inseparable. We are only able to perform as a result of our rest. Our performance is based, in many ways on how well we've rested. How quickly we have recovered." - Andy, Headspace Recovery.
That was my day Sunday June 3rd. I got 3 hrs of sleep that night, and I made it until just after lunch on Monday June 4th before it wore off and I crashed hard. With exhaustion. Emotional. Physical. Spiritual. Mental. EXHAUSTION.
This may or may not have a little something to do with the physical side of things, and some of that was running from Memorial Stadium to the ferry, so... yeah. When I got home from work Monday I took an ice bath. It helped. They are still horrible things. But I'd rather have a horrible thing for 10 mins than just feel horrible for a whole week. The next day, I wanted my foam roller and TENS machine. But I couldn't find the foam roller, and I was too exhausted, so I decided since I only got 5 hrs of sleep Monday night, I would go to bed early.
I slept for 45 mins, and woke up with my heart racing and was completely unable to fall back asleep. That is when I started writing this blog. Because it wasn't just physical, it was emotional. I needed to get this experience out there and shared. I knew this was going to be the most vulnerable and difficult to write blog series I had ever attempted, but I needed to do it. I had to share it to overcome some of the shame I felt for having so much joy over things that seem simple but are important to me.
As someone who lived most of their life through the lens of Mormonism, I discovered this week that I had a lot of shame rapped around my own desires in life. That it is easier for me to sing "Tis better far for us to strive our useless cares from us to drive... and should we die, before our journey's though, happy day all is well" (LDS Hymn "Come, Come Ye Saints") than it is to feel secure and own the things that make me happy.
And that was really really surprising until I saw this clip from Dan Reynolds on Ellen. I've always felt there was so much truth in the Book of Mormon Musical song "Turn It Off." But this week I realized, of all the things that I learned to turn off, the things I love and find joy in were the things I learned to turn off the most. It was in seeing my friends be able to find joy in the day, in being fans, in interacting with the players that made me able to overcome internalized shame and enjoy the same. I couldn't have done it with out their support and example, and I think that's why it was so important to me that I saw their dreams happen as well.
I have come to believe after this week (It took me a whole week to recover) that the more I "Find (my) Euphoria" the less time its going to take me to recover from it. Its something I need to get used to doing. The first quote I read in the Align with Joy journal is from Fabienne Frederickson. "The things you are passionate about are not random. They are your calling."
Well. There it is, I can quite asking why now. Why do I care about what I care about? Why do the things that have meaning to me, have meaning? Because they are the things that will drive me to change the world. And that's really all that matters.
After such a big week, you have to listen to yourself. You have to slow down, you have to recover, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I am an introvert, so I didn't do a lot of socializing. I was very happy for probably the first and only time that I had a bye game for indoor soccer and I didn't have to play. I couldn't have if I wanted to.
I needed quiet. I needed sleep. I needed reflection. I had to work through left over big emotions. I had to give them a place to live. I needed to slow down. One of my friends is always telling me "Just reading your tweets makes me exhausted." My life seems pretty full on all the time from the outside, I'm sure. And I do do a lot. But I also will just take a day and sleep sometimes, if I need it. I did that Wednesday. I just slept, and when I felt up to it, I wrote. I spent a lot of time meditating.
I took a break from a lot of other activities that I usually find enjoyable. I listened to less music, and when I did listen it was more calm. I skipped a lot of soccer practice this week. I spent more time with my dog. When waves of shame hit me, and oh boy, did they hit! I reached out to trusted friends and I talked through it. "Keep being yourself, with your big feelings. That's what makes you who you are and that's why we love you." one friend encouraged me.
Friday came and I was starting to feel like myself again. I ran at lunch (literally) and got Vietnamese coffee, and happily watched and waited while it slowly dripped into existence. And I savored every sip. And after work I went to a friends house. After a 24 + delay from when it came out on YouTube, we watched Haley Kopmeyers latest video. And we were joined by my friends dogs. so that was the best thing ever. Dog cuddles and kisses while sharing laughter and joy with a friend.
Half way through the video, my friend spotted the tattoo on Kops wrist that has been driving me crazy for months now. And now I was not alone, she too wanted to figure out what the crap it said. It was clearly some chemical formula but in months of trying I have not been able to get a clear enough view to tell what. Well. we finally figured it out, and we aren't going to spoil it, but I laughed pretty hard. It took 3 of us to crack it, but that's probably the most Haley Kopmeyer tattoo to ever Haley Kopmeyer. Clever. Hilarious. Appreciated.
If I had thought about it in the moment on Sunday I could have asked her, but I didn't think about it, and that would have taken away all the fun of figuring it out with friends. So I will leave you the same joy. You can see it clearly enough in this video if you are curious.
Following that I spent Friday night at a Middle School playing soccer with Hillary. Two hours. Pure joy. In the rain. Not every day can be perfect. Not every day should. Perfect days require recovery. And there are things to be enjoyed and savored from recovery. I ate brownies with ice cream. I ate so much ice cream this week. I don't normally eat a lot of ice cream, but it was really good. I ate a lot of soup, and a lot of chili. The food I ate was comfort food. It was different than my usual diet, but it was what was needed following a week like that. Recovery is a vital part of being able to live life to the fullest, be it emotional, or physical or both. NEVER skip it.
And when it is over, and you are ready for it again, hit play on your pump up jam, and your dreams and get back to work. Because being honest about those dreams is hard work, but its what will get your butt out of bed and living.
Tuesday morning, when I was particularly exhausted and struggling with "What now?" I took a listen to a new song from Panic at the Disco! It got me through the day, and even gave me enough energy to begin to make plans for my next adventures, a trip to Utah and a trip to Orlando with friends. This is how I want to live my life, pursuing the things that fuel me, and helping others do the same. As I talked with friends this week, about the magic that happened, we came to the determination that intention and connection are the key to making extraordinary things happen in life. That that magic that I experienced was real, that its always possible, and it needn't be rare, and that I really did help create it.
"Had to have high, high hopes for a living. Shooting for the starts when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was gonna be that one in million Always had high, high hopes.
Mama said fulfill the prophecy, be something greater, go make a legacy. Manifest destiny, back in the days we wanted everything, everything. Mama said, burn your biographies. Rewrite your history. Light up your wildest dreams. Museum victories, everyday. We wanted everything, wanted everything.
Mama said, don't give up, it's a little complicated. All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting. Had to have high, high hopes for a living, shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was going to be that one in a million. Always had high, high hopes.
Mama said, it's uphill for oddities. Stranger crusaders ain't ever wannabes. The weird and the novelties. Don't ever change. We wanted everything, we wanted everything. Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise and never come down. Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise and never come down.
Mama said, don't give up. It's a little complicated. All tied up. No more love, and I'd hate to see you waiting. They say its all been done but they haven't seen the best of me. So I got one more run and its gonna be a sight to see. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was going to be that one in a million. Always had high high hopes."
Come to think of it, this song reminds me of Kop. That's probably why I like her. She doesn't seem to ever give up, no matter how many times people have given up on her, or benched her. She keeps working and she keeps proving she's one in a million. And she's just herself. I like people that are unashamedly themselves. Incredibly human. Imperfect, but amazing.
"So what if in the end it doesn't work out like I planned or hoped for? Most of the time it's even better... and in the meantime I spent my life enjoying and hoping, rather than dreading and expecting the worst." - Michelle Bullock
Christine Nairn as I previously mentioned, played for Seattle last year. Before she got traded she set up this brand "Finding Euphoria." I didn't like the name at first, and it wasn't until I read a few blog posts and stuff that I got on board with the message. Go find what makes you happy in life, what makes you who you are, and do it. Euphoria to me always had a lose association with something that could only be induced by drugs.
But when I woke up Monday morning, All I could think was Euphoria seemed like the right word for what I had felt and experienced the day before. At one point during my game I remember Daniella saying "We're high on life! not on drugs!" Truer words have never been spoken. I looked up the definition of euphoria, finally, and fight me on this, but Wikipedia had the most detailed and accurate definition.
Euphoria ( /juːˈfɔːriə/ (
listen)) is an affective state in which a person experiences pleasure or excitement and intense feelings of well-being and happiness.
listen)) is an affective state in which a person experiences pleasure or excitement and intense feelings of well-being and happiness.That was my day Sunday June 3rd. I got 3 hrs of sleep that night, and I made it until just after lunch on Monday June 4th before it wore off and I crashed hard. With exhaustion. Emotional. Physical. Spiritual. Mental. EXHAUSTION.
This may or may not have a little something to do with the physical side of things, and some of that was running from Memorial Stadium to the ferry, so... yeah. When I got home from work Monday I took an ice bath. It helped. They are still horrible things. But I'd rather have a horrible thing for 10 mins than just feel horrible for a whole week. The next day, I wanted my foam roller and TENS machine. But I couldn't find the foam roller, and I was too exhausted, so I decided since I only got 5 hrs of sleep Monday night, I would go to bed early.
I slept for 45 mins, and woke up with my heart racing and was completely unable to fall back asleep. That is when I started writing this blog. Because it wasn't just physical, it was emotional. I needed to get this experience out there and shared. I knew this was going to be the most vulnerable and difficult to write blog series I had ever attempted, but I needed to do it. I had to share it to overcome some of the shame I felt for having so much joy over things that seem simple but are important to me.
As someone who lived most of their life through the lens of Mormonism, I discovered this week that I had a lot of shame rapped around my own desires in life. That it is easier for me to sing "Tis better far for us to strive our useless cares from us to drive... and should we die, before our journey's though, happy day all is well" (LDS Hymn "Come, Come Ye Saints") than it is to feel secure and own the things that make me happy.
And that was really really surprising until I saw this clip from Dan Reynolds on Ellen. I've always felt there was so much truth in the Book of Mormon Musical song "Turn It Off." But this week I realized, of all the things that I learned to turn off, the things I love and find joy in were the things I learned to turn off the most. It was in seeing my friends be able to find joy in the day, in being fans, in interacting with the players that made me able to overcome internalized shame and enjoy the same. I couldn't have done it with out their support and example, and I think that's why it was so important to me that I saw their dreams happen as well.
I have come to believe after this week (It took me a whole week to recover) that the more I "Find (my) Euphoria" the less time its going to take me to recover from it. Its something I need to get used to doing. The first quote I read in the Align with Joy journal is from Fabienne Frederickson. "The things you are passionate about are not random. They are your calling."
Well. There it is, I can quite asking why now. Why do I care about what I care about? Why do the things that have meaning to me, have meaning? Because they are the things that will drive me to change the world. And that's really all that matters.
After such a big week, you have to listen to yourself. You have to slow down, you have to recover, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I am an introvert, so I didn't do a lot of socializing. I was very happy for probably the first and only time that I had a bye game for indoor soccer and I didn't have to play. I couldn't have if I wanted to.
I needed quiet. I needed sleep. I needed reflection. I had to work through left over big emotions. I had to give them a place to live. I needed to slow down. One of my friends is always telling me "Just reading your tweets makes me exhausted." My life seems pretty full on all the time from the outside, I'm sure. And I do do a lot. But I also will just take a day and sleep sometimes, if I need it. I did that Wednesday. I just slept, and when I felt up to it, I wrote. I spent a lot of time meditating.
I took a break from a lot of other activities that I usually find enjoyable. I listened to less music, and when I did listen it was more calm. I skipped a lot of soccer practice this week. I spent more time with my dog. When waves of shame hit me, and oh boy, did they hit! I reached out to trusted friends and I talked through it. "Keep being yourself, with your big feelings. That's what makes you who you are and that's why we love you." one friend encouraged me.
Half way through the video, my friend spotted the tattoo on Kops wrist that has been driving me crazy for months now. And now I was not alone, she too wanted to figure out what the crap it said. It was clearly some chemical formula but in months of trying I have not been able to get a clear enough view to tell what. Well. we finally figured it out, and we aren't going to spoil it, but I laughed pretty hard. It took 3 of us to crack it, but that's probably the most Haley Kopmeyer tattoo to ever Haley Kopmeyer. Clever. Hilarious. Appreciated.
If I had thought about it in the moment on Sunday I could have asked her, but I didn't think about it, and that would have taken away all the fun of figuring it out with friends. So I will leave you the same joy. You can see it clearly enough in this video if you are curious.
Following that I spent Friday night at a Middle School playing soccer with Hillary. Two hours. Pure joy. In the rain. Not every day can be perfect. Not every day should. Perfect days require recovery. And there are things to be enjoyed and savored from recovery. I ate brownies with ice cream. I ate so much ice cream this week. I don't normally eat a lot of ice cream, but it was really good. I ate a lot of soup, and a lot of chili. The food I ate was comfort food. It was different than my usual diet, but it was what was needed following a week like that. Recovery is a vital part of being able to live life to the fullest, be it emotional, or physical or both. NEVER skip it.
And when it is over, and you are ready for it again, hit play on your pump up jam, and your dreams and get back to work. Because being honest about those dreams is hard work, but its what will get your butt out of bed and living.
Tuesday morning, when I was particularly exhausted and struggling with "What now?" I took a listen to a new song from Panic at the Disco! It got me through the day, and even gave me enough energy to begin to make plans for my next adventures, a trip to Utah and a trip to Orlando with friends. This is how I want to live my life, pursuing the things that fuel me, and helping others do the same. As I talked with friends this week, about the magic that happened, we came to the determination that intention and connection are the key to making extraordinary things happen in life. That that magic that I experienced was real, that its always possible, and it needn't be rare, and that I really did help create it.
"Had to have high, high hopes for a living. Shooting for the starts when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was gonna be that one in million Always had high, high hopes.
Mama said fulfill the prophecy, be something greater, go make a legacy. Manifest destiny, back in the days we wanted everything, everything. Mama said, burn your biographies. Rewrite your history. Light up your wildest dreams. Museum victories, everyday. We wanted everything, wanted everything.
Mama said, don't give up, it's a little complicated. All tied up, no more love and I'd hate to see you waiting. Had to have high, high hopes for a living, shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was going to be that one in a million. Always had high, high hopes.
Mama said, it's uphill for oddities. Stranger crusaders ain't ever wannabes. The weird and the novelties. Don't ever change. We wanted everything, we wanted everything. Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise and never come down. Stay up on that rise, stay up on that rise and never come down.
Mama said, don't give up. It's a little complicated. All tied up. No more love, and I'd hate to see you waiting. They say its all been done but they haven't seen the best of me. So I got one more run and its gonna be a sight to see. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing. Didn't have a dime but I always had a vision. Always had high, high hopes. Had to have high high hopes for a living. Didn't know how but I always had a feeling. I was going to be that one in a million. Always had high high hopes."
Come to think of it, this song reminds me of Kop. That's probably why I like her. She doesn't seem to ever give up, no matter how many times people have given up on her, or benched her. She keeps working and she keeps proving she's one in a million. And she's just herself. I like people that are unashamedly themselves. Incredibly human. Imperfect, but amazing.
No comments:
Post a Comment