Is a name important? or is a name just a name. I think names are extreemly important. I believe my name is more than just important, I believe it was divinely inspired as a message from God to me.
Mandi- it means fit to be loved, or beloved. I was named after a Barry Manalow song. Yup. you know the one. Nope, it wasn't about his dog, just so ya know.
Any way, I may have been named because of that song, God works by natural means to bring about his works. I will tell you right now, that I am quite certain, that God wanted me named Mandi so that every time I heard my name I would remember both that I am beloved, and that I am fit to be loved, because, well im prone to forget that, or to disbeilieve it.
I often push people away, and I have done so thinking, no you will be better off if you dont get to know me. Eventually I will truly learn to love myself, right now its kind of hit or miss. When I do love myself, I let people and God in, and when I let people and God in, I love myself. Im learning that slowly. I think we all struggle with that some times, on some level.
Even my worst enemies have to call me beloved, and often, that worst enemy is me. I went to the Addiction Recovery meeting tonight. That is always a place to know you are fit to be loved. All day, all week, i've had people telling me how much they love me and how awesome or amazing I am. As of late my response has been - Why? I think thats because in the past year I have come to be truly honest with myself, and the greatest thing I have discovered is that I dont always love me as much as I ought to , and when I dont love me, I dont let anyone else love me either.
In order to be ' fit to be loved' I must live up to my name, and the only way I can live up to my name is to call myself beloved. That is what I have realized this week.
On another note, the name David also means beloved. When I found this out, years ago, I got really excited about a few things. David and Jonathan have one of the most awesome friendship stories recorded anywhere in my opinion. Friendships are one of the most important things to me in life, so I have deeply apprecieated that. Also, in the bible dictionary it talks about what made David great was that when he did something stupid, he was really good at humbling himself and having true sincere repentance. That is something I've tried to model in my life. The one thing that got david into trouble- that whole Bathshiba/ uriah thing. I've taken that as a warning from my friend whos name has the same meaning. Yes, I consider David from the bible to be my friend. I've gotten to know him over the years. I remember a lesson in institute on that thing, and something my teacher said about how if David had been at the head of the battle with his troops where he was supposed to be, then all that nonsens could have been avoided. He had a million chances to jump off that train, and just made small bad choice after small bad choice.
I hope not to ever derail like that. Did David forget the meaning of his name? I dont know. I can't answer that. But, I remember that lesson, because our names mean the same thing, and so if I see myself starting to go off track, I just try to keep going to the right places. So far that has worked.
I am greatful that my parents named me Mandi. That name has meaning to me, and its a reminder to me of who I am, and who I am meant to be. I am beloved, and I am meant to be fit to be loved, and if ever I start acting contrary to those two things, a swift and often painful reminder reminds me, I need to change that, because Mandi is who I am, and I can never be happy if I am not being Mandi, and I will never feel loved or allow others to love me if I forget who I am.
Evita moment- I am Mandi - so .... you must love me....
Any way, I may have been named because of that song, God works by natural means to bring about his works. I will tell you right now, that I am quite certain, that God wanted me named Mandi so that every time I heard my name I would remember both that I am beloved, and that I am fit to be loved, because, well im prone to forget that, or to disbeilieve it.
I often push people away, and I have done so thinking, no you will be better off if you dont get to know me. Eventually I will truly learn to love myself, right now its kind of hit or miss. When I do love myself, I let people and God in, and when I let people and God in, I love myself. Im learning that slowly. I think we all struggle with that some times, on some level.
Even my worst enemies have to call me beloved, and often, that worst enemy is me. I went to the Addiction Recovery meeting tonight. That is always a place to know you are fit to be loved. All day, all week, i've had people telling me how much they love me and how awesome or amazing I am. As of late my response has been - Why? I think thats because in the past year I have come to be truly honest with myself, and the greatest thing I have discovered is that I dont always love me as much as I ought to , and when I dont love me, I dont let anyone else love me either.
In order to be ' fit to be loved' I must live up to my name, and the only way I can live up to my name is to call myself beloved. That is what I have realized this week.
On another note, the name David also means beloved. When I found this out, years ago, I got really excited about a few things. David and Jonathan have one of the most awesome friendship stories recorded anywhere in my opinion. Friendships are one of the most important things to me in life, so I have deeply apprecieated that. Also, in the bible dictionary it talks about what made David great was that when he did something stupid, he was really good at humbling himself and having true sincere repentance. That is something I've tried to model in my life. The one thing that got david into trouble- that whole Bathshiba/ uriah thing. I've taken that as a warning from my friend whos name has the same meaning. Yes, I consider David from the bible to be my friend. I've gotten to know him over the years. I remember a lesson in institute on that thing, and something my teacher said about how if David had been at the head of the battle with his troops where he was supposed to be, then all that nonsens could have been avoided. He had a million chances to jump off that train, and just made small bad choice after small bad choice.
I hope not to ever derail like that. Did David forget the meaning of his name? I dont know. I can't answer that. But, I remember that lesson, because our names mean the same thing, and so if I see myself starting to go off track, I just try to keep going to the right places. So far that has worked.
I am greatful that my parents named me Mandi. That name has meaning to me, and its a reminder to me of who I am, and who I am meant to be. I am beloved, and I am meant to be fit to be loved, and if ever I start acting contrary to those two things, a swift and often painful reminder reminds me, I need to change that, because Mandi is who I am, and I can never be happy if I am not being Mandi, and I will never feel loved or allow others to love me if I forget who I am.
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