Its the end of September. One of my dear friends came over to see me tonight, and we watched Leap Year. One of those lovely chick flicks taking place in Ireland. Too predictable for me to pay any attention to anything except cultural accuracy until the end. With a recent trip to Ireland under my belt, seeing my beloved cliffs made me extreemly excited about the movie. At the end of it, I asked the question, Why didn't I meet an amazing Irishman on my trip? And then I remembered, I actually kind of had one of those moments in Ireland, but with an American. It was just dinner and a shared conversation, We aren't dating or getting married. I'm fine with that, but that really happened, that magic moment really happened on my trip.
That however wasn't the most important question. Following that, some how my friend and I moved on to a discussion on TV series that we have recently picked up to watching. Grimm, and the new Sleepy Hollow series. Which, led to us watching an illustrated reading of the book by Glen Close, which was highly educational, and then of course we had to go back to the original Disney animation we used to watch yearly. By the way, we kind of noticed that a lot of similarities were there with other disney cartoons, especially beauty and the beast. I wont ruin it for you, but go watch it, see if you cant see cinderella, or gaston, or clocksworth, or the insane asylum guy, or if Ichobod doesn't remind you of the opening scenes with Bell in the villiage as he comes new into town.
All of this of course has nothing to do with the most important question, but its what lead to the most important question. Because, you see, the end of September is upon us, and that means October is around the bend. This important question has been building in my head for weeks now, begging an answer, and I've hidden from it as if it were frankinstines monster, which it may well be.
What shall I be for Halloween this year?
Its an important question. What you choose to be for Halloween says much about you. You can pick something at random like you just dont care, but I'm not like that. What I choose to be for Halloween is deeply symbolic of what I wish I could be in life and fall short of, or what scares me that I wish to confront and no longer fear. Its never just a random choice. Last year I was my own super hero character that a friend had created for me. I've been river song. I've been a vampire, a pirate, I was once Tanya Harding. both what I wanted to be - as great skater, and what scares me- someone who trades all the greatness because they dont believe they are enough on their own.
Last year around this time I set out on a journey to try to become a super me, the best version of me possible. My costume symbolized that. I feel like I've changed a lot, but I never became that super hero, at the end of the day, it was just a costume, it was just a few changes that changed nothing.
So as I decided what to be this year, I feel kind of stuck. What is left for me to want to be? I dont know. I grasp at straws. I can be River again, or maybe I could be a Grimm ,and my friend could be a reaper. that would be funny, and no one will get it but us. I could be something new i've learned to love this year- a tribble, I could be a beloved favorite from star gate, or doctor who- again no one will get it but me and a few friends. But I dont wear costumes for others, I wear them for me. I could be a Pict. I love history, I could celebrate my ancestors.
My mom once made me be a clown. I hate clowns. I've never forgotten that, I wont be a clown,they still scare me. its not a fear I wish to face.
So when I ask what shall I be for Halloween, what I am really asking myself is Who do I want to be? what do I want to become? what do I want to face and overcome?
And I have no idea. none. Perhaps the question still lingers in my head, Who am I? When I can answer that, I dont suppose I will want to be anyone else any way. Who do I want to become? Me, only better. thats no costume. What do I want to face and overcome? well, me. I want to face me. everything that scares me about me, and I want to fear it no more.
Maybe thats why I dont know what to do this year, because every question I ask to get to what costume I want leads back to me, and that isn't a costume at all. Costume suggestions are now welcome. I give up. I have no idea what to be for Halloween.
That however wasn't the most important question. Following that, some how my friend and I moved on to a discussion on TV series that we have recently picked up to watching. Grimm, and the new Sleepy Hollow series. Which, led to us watching an illustrated reading of the book by Glen Close, which was highly educational, and then of course we had to go back to the original Disney animation we used to watch yearly. By the way, we kind of noticed that a lot of similarities were there with other disney cartoons, especially beauty and the beast. I wont ruin it for you, but go watch it, see if you cant see cinderella, or gaston, or clocksworth, or the insane asylum guy, or if Ichobod doesn't remind you of the opening scenes with Bell in the villiage as he comes new into town.
All of this of course has nothing to do with the most important question, but its what lead to the most important question. Because, you see, the end of September is upon us, and that means October is around the bend. This important question has been building in my head for weeks now, begging an answer, and I've hidden from it as if it were frankinstines monster, which it may well be.
What shall I be for Halloween this year?
Its an important question. What you choose to be for Halloween says much about you. You can pick something at random like you just dont care, but I'm not like that. What I choose to be for Halloween is deeply symbolic of what I wish I could be in life and fall short of, or what scares me that I wish to confront and no longer fear. Its never just a random choice. Last year I was my own super hero character that a friend had created for me. I've been river song. I've been a vampire, a pirate, I was once Tanya Harding. both what I wanted to be - as great skater, and what scares me- someone who trades all the greatness because they dont believe they are enough on their own.
Last year around this time I set out on a journey to try to become a super me, the best version of me possible. My costume symbolized that. I feel like I've changed a lot, but I never became that super hero, at the end of the day, it was just a costume, it was just a few changes that changed nothing.
So as I decided what to be this year, I feel kind of stuck. What is left for me to want to be? I dont know. I grasp at straws. I can be River again, or maybe I could be a Grimm ,and my friend could be a reaper. that would be funny, and no one will get it but us. I could be something new i've learned to love this year- a tribble, I could be a beloved favorite from star gate, or doctor who- again no one will get it but me and a few friends. But I dont wear costumes for others, I wear them for me. I could be a Pict. I love history, I could celebrate my ancestors.
My mom once made me be a clown. I hate clowns. I've never forgotten that, I wont be a clown,they still scare me. its not a fear I wish to face.
So when I ask what shall I be for Halloween, what I am really asking myself is Who do I want to be? what do I want to become? what do I want to face and overcome?
And I have no idea. none. Perhaps the question still lingers in my head, Who am I? When I can answer that, I dont suppose I will want to be anyone else any way. Who do I want to become? Me, only better. thats no costume. What do I want to face and overcome? well, me. I want to face me. everything that scares me about me, and I want to fear it no more.
Maybe thats why I dont know what to do this year, because every question I ask to get to what costume I want leads back to me, and that isn't a costume at all. Costume suggestions are now welcome. I give up. I have no idea what to be for Halloween.
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