Remember, remember the 5th of November.
That was a phrase that once reminded me it was Guy Fawkes day. I don't come from a country that actually observes that, but I made my own observances since my brother told me about his experiences in New Zealand and after I saw V for Vendetta back in 2006. Mostly, I just like bonfires and it sounded like fun.
Last year that all changed, and the Fifth of November became a day burned into my memory, and never again as Guy Fawkes day. For the past year its been Policy day. One year since the LDS church policy about same sex married couples, and children tied to these families was released. It was a day that rather symbolically burned my world to the ground, as well as that of many thousands of others. I'm not here to rehash or relive that experience. Its been a year of pain, and joy and growth. Its also been a year where some people died because of that.
So as my calendar approached the 5th of November and the beginning of the Holiday season, I felt a deep dilemma arise within me. This day was going to come, no matter what I did. It was significant, so I would need to mark it, to remember and observe it in some way. I could no longer call it Guy Fawkes day, I could no longer celebrate that tradition. I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in the pain of calling it "Policy day" I wanted to find my own word for it, something that would reflect the joy of my journey, the pain of losing a piece of me and my community and culture, but the growth and gain moving forward, but also remember those that were harmed, and those that died, respectfully. I could not come up with anything. so I reached out to friends. Some genius friend of mine said to call it Phoenix day, and it stuck.
And then this concept of a Phoenix, burning, dying in a pile of ash, then growing from that rubble and rising again a new, whole and amazingly beautiful creature flashed into my head. This was not something for one day, this is a journey, and deserves a season.
I also thought of last holiday season, how shattered and empty and no longer mine it was. All the old traditions I tried to observe felt hollow and distant, and someone elses. I came up with the Christmas Socks last year trying to fill that void. You can't just leave times like that empty. So I decided, since the Christmas Socks last year helped me feel better about the Christmas season than I had even in years, maybe owning the whole season, not just a sock drive or the 5th of November, creating my own new traditions that meet my needs, that was a good way to find healing for this whole time of year.
And with that the Festival of the Phoenix was born. Beginning on Nov. 5th with The Burning of the Fifth, and going all the way to January 5th and The Day of the Rising of the Phoenix, I have calendared my own new holiday season, mixing in things like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but in ways that remain relevant and personally meaningful to me, and anyone wishing to join me in celebrating this season, in recognizing the beauty of the human journey, of our resilience in the face of having everything in our lives seemingly burned to the ground yet rising above it again to live our lives fully and beautifully as creatures renewed.
Tomorrow is the Burning of the Fifth, the first day of the Festival of the Phoenix. There will be bonfires, to remind us of what was lost, what was destroyed, what became a pile of ash. On the sixth there will be a day of remembrance for those that were lost. And then as the months proceed there will be weeks I have designated for healing, for searching, and for showing love to human kind. When January fifth comes, I will rise and go forward to a new year, and a new journey remembering the joy of becoming, the results of painful growing.
Tomorrow, may November the Fifth burn in your heart. To my Queer Mormon community and affected allies, may you remember the pain, and retain hope, from the ashes will spring forth a new life.
That was a phrase that once reminded me it was Guy Fawkes day. I don't come from a country that actually observes that, but I made my own observances since my brother told me about his experiences in New Zealand and after I saw V for Vendetta back in 2006. Mostly, I just like bonfires and it sounded like fun.
Last year that all changed, and the Fifth of November became a day burned into my memory, and never again as Guy Fawkes day. For the past year its been Policy day. One year since the LDS church policy about same sex married couples, and children tied to these families was released. It was a day that rather symbolically burned my world to the ground, as well as that of many thousands of others. I'm not here to rehash or relive that experience. Its been a year of pain, and joy and growth. Its also been a year where some people died because of that.
So as my calendar approached the 5th of November and the beginning of the Holiday season, I felt a deep dilemma arise within me. This day was going to come, no matter what I did. It was significant, so I would need to mark it, to remember and observe it in some way. I could no longer call it Guy Fawkes day, I could no longer celebrate that tradition. I also didn't want to spend the rest of my life stuck in the pain of calling it "Policy day" I wanted to find my own word for it, something that would reflect the joy of my journey, the pain of losing a piece of me and my community and culture, but the growth and gain moving forward, but also remember those that were harmed, and those that died, respectfully. I could not come up with anything. so I reached out to friends. Some genius friend of mine said to call it Phoenix day, and it stuck.
And then this concept of a Phoenix, burning, dying in a pile of ash, then growing from that rubble and rising again a new, whole and amazingly beautiful creature flashed into my head. This was not something for one day, this is a journey, and deserves a season.
I also thought of last holiday season, how shattered and empty and no longer mine it was. All the old traditions I tried to observe felt hollow and distant, and someone elses. I came up with the Christmas Socks last year trying to fill that void. You can't just leave times like that empty. So I decided, since the Christmas Socks last year helped me feel better about the Christmas season than I had even in years, maybe owning the whole season, not just a sock drive or the 5th of November, creating my own new traditions that meet my needs, that was a good way to find healing for this whole time of year.
And with that the Festival of the Phoenix was born. Beginning on Nov. 5th with The Burning of the Fifth, and going all the way to January 5th and The Day of the Rising of the Phoenix, I have calendared my own new holiday season, mixing in things like Christmas and Thanksgiving, but in ways that remain relevant and personally meaningful to me, and anyone wishing to join me in celebrating this season, in recognizing the beauty of the human journey, of our resilience in the face of having everything in our lives seemingly burned to the ground yet rising above it again to live our lives fully and beautifully as creatures renewed.
Tomorrow is the Burning of the Fifth, the first day of the Festival of the Phoenix. There will be bonfires, to remind us of what was lost, what was destroyed, what became a pile of ash. On the sixth there will be a day of remembrance for those that were lost. And then as the months proceed there will be weeks I have designated for healing, for searching, and for showing love to human kind. When January fifth comes, I will rise and go forward to a new year, and a new journey remembering the joy of becoming, the results of painful growing.
Tomorrow, may November the Fifth burn in your heart. To my Queer Mormon community and affected allies, may you remember the pain, and retain hope, from the ashes will spring forth a new life.
No comments:
Post a Comment